Desolate The Complete Trilogy

Eleven



Howard was bored and felt a little guilty about it. The whole notion of boredom felt foreign to him, considering how abnormal his life had become over the last year or so. He strolled the halls of the hotel and tried to think back to a time when he was truly bored and not in some stage of fighting for survival or living in sheer terror.

Then again, he didn’t get bored very often back then either. Most of his free time was spent in a booze-induced haze. As long as his right hand held a can of beer, he always had something to do. Howard found he could spend hours at a time watching drivel on TV as long as he was half in the bag while doing so.

It felt like he was thinking about a different person, some poor slob on one of those intervention reality shows, not Howard Bell of the past. He really did feel like he had left that old life behind and was starting fresh. AA had nothing on the way he got sober. Still, the twelve-step program didn’t involve manslaughter, life sentences, aliens, or pandemics. It would make for a pretty interesting AA brochure though.

The temptation was still there and it irritated him to no end. The hotel had four bars stocked with enough alcohol for a bender of world-record proportions. It didn’t help that they were stuck in some sort of limbo, half of them wanting to stay and go east, the other half wanting to go west and onto a boat. In the meantime, they had all just wandered the hotel aimlessly for the last few days. Eating, sleeping, eating some more.

He rounded the corner and entered the lobby. A hot, steady breeze came off the sea through the open patio doors. Soo sat in one of the deck chairs on the patio, looking down at a book from the hotel’s library. She looked up and smiled at him when he walked out, sending shivers down his spine and a flutter through his chest. Another thing to feel guilty about, but he couldn’t help it.

“Howard!” Emily came running up out of nowhere, waving her arms. “Look! Look!” She held out her hands and wiggled her fingers, each nail glistening with a brilliant shade of yellow.

“Wow! Those are pretty.”

“Soo painted dem for me. Look down here too!” She held out one foot to show off her matching toes, partially obscured by sand.

He sat down in the chair beside Soo. “Yeah, those are something else. I’ll be able to see you coming from a mile away.”

Soo swatted his arm, releasing a fresh batch of shivers. “Stop it! I asked her what color she wanted and she insisted on yellow. We happen to think it’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, booootiful!” Emily jumped off the edge of the patio and ran down the beach to the water.

Soo laughed and crossed her legs, bouncing her foot up and down while she went back to her book.

“Looks like you had a little manny and peddy yourself,” he said, pointing at her toes.

Soo looked at him over the top of her sunglasses and raised her eyebrows. “Manny and peddy?”

“Hey, in case you didn’t notice, I’m a hip guy. That’s what you call it when you’re out on the town with your gal pals, isn’t it?”

She tilted her head back and laughed. “Most of my gal pals consisted of overworked and overtired nurses in scrubs. We spent our free time eating hospital cafeteria food and gossiping about other nurses.”

Howard looked at her toes again. “Well, I’m disappointed you didn’t go with Emily Yellow but they’re lovely all the same.”

“Thanks.”

Emily ran up and down the beach, dragging a large stick in the sand and drawing pictures with it.

“You know,” Howard said, “I have to admit I’ve been thinking about the whole boat thing. It seems crazy, but I can’t help but wonder if they really are doing better back home. I’m worried about Emily. She’s been through so much already and I really want what’s best for her, you know?”

Soo closed her book and turned toward him. “I know we could do it. I just wish we could convince Dave.”

“The thing is,” Howard looked away at the ocean. “If things are better, I mean really better, that might not be such a good thing. For me.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about…your past.”

“Technically, I was sentenced to life. No parole. And I deserved it. I’m not saying I think I have the right to be a free man just because all this happened. I dunno, I’m just thinking from Emily’s point of view. We’re the only family she has now and if we go back to the States only to have her taken away from me…”

“Howard, whatever happens, whether we stay here or go anywhere else, I’ll always look out for Emily.”

She placed her hand over his and gave it a little squeeze before taking it away. Howard desperately wanted to grab it and not let go. They sat in silence and watched Emily play at the water’s edge. She held the stick like a spear and chased after the schools of small fish swimming around her feet.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Soo said. “Why were you sent to prison?”

Howard sighed and looked down at his feet. He knew it would come up eventually but he had hoped it wouldn’t be Soo who asked.

“You don’t have to tell me…”

“No. You have the right to know, I guess. It’s okay.” Howard took a deep breath and told her everything. His heavy drinking, his daughter Lilly’s death, his failed marriage. By the time he got to The Day and described his confrontation with Steve Creighton and the bloodbath that followed, he couldn’t stop. He held nothing back and described everything in great detail. It was horrifying, yet oddly liberating at the same time, to hear his downfall narrated by his own voice.

Soo just listened and stared at the water. Howard couldn’t read her reaction behind her dark sunglasses. He talked about the farm, the mine, and the ship. He replayed the confrontation with Carl before Carl tried to rape Liz, and his gruesome death that followed. Lastly, he told Soo about finding Emily after the crash and helping her to safety, despite almost being killed by a psychotic drug dealer. It wasn’t what Soo asked about, but he threw it in as a desperate attempt to convince her he wasn’t a complete criminal monster.

With his story complete, Howard rubbed the back of his neck and risked a glance at Soo. She continued to stare at the horizon, still not saying a word. She finally nodded her head and turned to him. “Thank you. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

Howard was at a loss for words. He wanted to jump up and throw himself at her feet. He ached to shake her shoulders and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to let her know he’d never hurt her or the others and that more than anything, he didn’t want to lose her. Instead he sat and stared at a crack in the patio.

He was about to get up when a shrill scream snapped him out of his self-pity haze. They both jumped to their feet.

Soo scanned the beach. “Where’s Emily?”

Howard shouted her name and looked around, not seeing her anywhere. Another scream came from around the side of the building.

“Oh God, that’s her!” They jumped off the edge of the patio and ran for the side of the building.