Kyle got pulled into a kind of bro huddle almost immediately. He gave me a helpless look and dropped my hand, looking at me even though I could see guys talking at him. I tried to smile, like I didn’t care, but it felt like a physical absence, like someone had disappeared a few of my fingers. He couldn’t know that, though.
Just friends, just friends: it was the mantra I’d had to keep repeating to myself the entire afternoon.
But if he only wanted a friend, why go out of his way to find out things about me—my favorite flower, songs to play in the car, even a special dessert? The show had set everything up; he didn’t need to. Still, Emma had told me they were on again, keeping it secret. She had photo evidence. Couldn’t this just be all for the cameras?
But would Kyle really do that? Was he really that kind of person? Or had Emma lied to me?
My brain told me to believe the bad version, so it wouldn’t hurt as much when the truth came out. But my heart and my gut and my fingers and that spot on the small of my back wanted to bet the house.
I turned a fake smile on everyone around me and nodded, pretending to hear—and care about—whatever they were saying.
After what felt like an eternity we made it to the top of the stairs that led to the cafeteria. Sparkly fish cutouts had been taped onto the tiles of the wall, swimming downstairs to the “Enchantment Under the Sea.” Pulses of dance music drifted up. I turned back to Kyle, but he was nodding pleasantly at Sarah Frederics, who was pinning him against the wall with the force of her conversation, hand on satin-clad hip.
Finally I caught his eye.
“I’m finding Mo,” I mouthed.
He scrunched his forehead.
“Mo-Neeeque,” I mouthed, going hard on the e sound. He nodded, smiled, then gave me a fake panicked look before turning back to Sarah. I laughed, running down the stairs.
My eyes had barely adjusted to the disco-ball darkness when Mo found me.
“So?” She stared eagerly, eyes already smiling.
“So what?”
“Shut up, Rachel, tell me about the afternoon. The limo, and . . . all of it, I want to hear all of it.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Why? You’re the one who planned it.”
Monique gave me a confused frown. Well played, but I could see through that.
“Oh, come on, he came up with my favorite flowers, and Sweet Tooth cupcakes, and Sam Cooke on his own? I know you told him what to do.”
“Swear to god, I didn’t.”
I raised my eyebrow.
“I mean, yeah, I told him what you liked when he asked. But he called with, like, a checklist. And I didn’t know your favorite flowers, I don’t know where he got that one.”
I stared at her for a second. I could feel a little balloon of excitement starting to puff up in my chest, expanding faster and faster.
“Really?”
“Swear on everything holy.”
“He held my hand. Not just when we were getting out of the car.”
“Ooh, slutty.” Monique grinned.
“Shut up. It was . . .” I wanted to explain how it had made my whole body feel alive, like it could sense him just inches away, but it felt like I’d break something. “It was nice. Sweet.”
“So things are going well? How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling . . . hopeful.” The smile took over my face almost without me realizing it. “I shouldn’t be, probably, but I am.”
chapter fifty
KYLE
SATURDAY, 9:17 P.M.
“Also, everyone thinks it’s totally adorable that you’re a couple now?”
“That we’re . . . sorry, what?” It sounded like Sarah was asking a question, but I couldn’t translate fast enough. I looked down the stairs. Rachel had found Monique, and she looked so happy. Like she was lit up from the inside. I pulled my eyes back to Sarah’s tanned face.
“You and Rachel? Aren’t you guys, like, together?”
“Um . . . not exactly. Not yet.”
“Well you should be.” Sarah tilted her head to the side as though she’d taught me some important lesson.
“I’m working on it.”
“Work fast.” She nodded exaggeratedly down the stairs. Lamont Davis was hulking over Monique and Rachel, blocking the stairs with a massive arm.
“Uh, thanks,” I mumbled, starting toward them. Halfway down I caught a glimpse of familiar movement out on the dance floor.
Emma was twirling in a tiny dress that showed off her long legs. It was red or pink, I couldn’t tell in the dark. She was laughing, falling onto a guy’s chest . . . Dave.
I should have been annoyed. Dave: finally getting to act on all his creeper fantasies. But all I felt was relief. She was here, having fun, and Dave would definitely make her feel wanted. She could be fine without me.
“C’mon, Sarah isn’t that bad,” Monique said teasingly as I walked up. I forced the frown off my face.
“Just stretching out after all the smiling for the cameras.”
“Your life is really hard, huh, Kyle?” Rachel put on a look of mock concern. Lamont frowned at her. He was kinda literal.
“Extremely.” I grinned.
“Speaking of, I think we’re supposed to have some scheduled fun.” Rachel pointed over my shoulder at the cameraman approaching. “Would you like to spontaneously dance with me?”