“It really is more sad than anything else.” Jessie turned back to Erin, still looking shell-shocked, and Willow, frowning like she wasn’t quite sure what she’d walked into. I was suddenly certain Jessie said stuff like this to Willow too. “You can’t help but feel bad for someone who’s got so little going for her.”
Anger swelled through my lungs, hot and heavy. I was trying to think of a more coherent retort than shrieking when Kyle spoke up.
“Rachel didn’t crash, she’s here because I invited her. She’s going to be on the show with me—didn’t you hear? For weeks, probably.” Kyle smiled an aw-shucks smile and threw an arm around my shoulder. I breathed in hard. He hadn’t been this close since the hug, his whole body pressed up against mine. If it had been hard to think clearly before, it was impossible now. Half of me wished I were the kind of girl who could just fly at Jessie’s face with my nails, and half of me was trying to melt into his side. “Didn’t you know that part, Jessie? The homecoming invite was just the start. Rachel’s going to get more airtime than I am, probably.”
Jessie’s eyes narrowed, and her thin lips pinched pale. She shook her head once.
I felt a surge of evil triumph seeing her so obviously off guard.
Then a surge of something else. Panic. This was not what I’d come to tell Kyle. It couldn’t be further from what I had to say. I could feel the wave of rage I’d been riding crashing down, leaving me wet and shivery on the shore.
“That’s what you wanted to talk about, right, Rachel?” Kyle turned toward me. I could feel his eyes on the side of my face, his breath warm against my cheek, the nearness of him radiating heat, like the sun. Or the burn it gives you.
I could hear the last bit of my willpower screaming “ABORT, ABORT,” but how could I? When he’d just defended me against Jessie’s latest onslaught? She had been trying to force him to choose a side, and for some inexplicable reason, he’d chosen mine.
Slowly, unsure what else to do, I nodded. Jessie sniffed.
“Whatever. I’m not watching.”
“That’s too bad,” Kyle said, smiling chummily. He sounded so calm, so in control. It was like a superpower. “Luckily, with millions of other people excited for the show, we probably won’t even miss you.”
Jessie whirled past Erin and Willow and stomped down the stairs. After a few seconds, they followed, looking slightly dazed.
Kyle pulled his arm off my shoulder, dimming me about fifty watts. It also made me realize how shaky I felt. Confrontation was terrible enough—I’d orchestrated most of my life thus far to avoid it, except for Mo, but usually I just gave in to Mo—but on top of that, Kyle had signed me up to do something that even thinking about made my stomach feel like a dish towel someone was wringing.
“You okay?” he asked, leaning down slightly to peer into my eyes. “Sorry about Jessie. Emma always says she’s like her attack dog.”
“I guess she got off-leash.”
Kyle laughed, his lopsided smile like a flame in the dark.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk about?”
I could still tell him. I hadn’t sent in the papers yet, hadn’t started filming segments. I hadn’t even told him this was something I wanted to do.
But he was looking at me like we were in this together. Like him standing up to Jessie wasn’t totally unheard of, almost miraculous. Like I wasn’t just another girl in one of his classes—like we actually shared something.
I’d be saying no to that too.
So in spite of the fact that the “ABORT” call was still sounding, faintly, somewhere deep inside me, I forced a smile and said, “Nothing really, I just didn’t want to come to the party and not say hi. Apparently I need to work on my timing.”
“Oh, cool. I’m glad you came.”
“Me too,” I said. Right at that moment, alone with Kyle, knowing he just stood up for me when he didn’t have to, it didn’t even feel like a lie.
chapter thirty
KYLE
FRIDAY, 9:10 P.M.
Rachel sighed heavily.
“You sure you’re okay?” I asked. I almost tilted her chin up so she’d look at me before I realized how weird that would be. Being extra friendly to defuse Jessie in witch mode: fine. Getting all touchy: probably not fine.
She scrunched her forehead up and shook her head, then opened her eyes extra wide and looked at me with the kind of half-smile you give the coach who’s just ordered you to run another lap. A smile holding back something you know you shouldn’t say.
“I’m great, honest. But I think I’ve had enough of the party.”
I deflated a little. I thought that with that over, we might finally get to have fun.
“You sure? We haven’t even had a drink yet.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t think Jessie’s gonna improve with more beer.”
She sniffed and smiled. The smile: not quite sad, just really worn-out looking.
“Someone should probably tell her that ‘drunk and jealous’ isn’t a good look for her.”
“If you do, it’s not my fault.” Rachel raised an eyebrow. It pulled her cheek up with it in a tight, mischievous grin.
“Not your fault?”
“About you losing an eye.”
I laughed.