Remove the anger, she told herself. Remove it, because you’re strong enough. Find the control.
It had been far too long. Andi and Dex were supposed to be out of Lunamere by now, safely back on board the ship. They should have already left this ship graveyard behind, a mere speck in the distance.
But now?
They were thirty minutes late.
Thirty minutes far too late.
Lira twiddled her thumbs, not knowing what to do with her hands otherwise. A tight knot had formed in her chest, one that refused to relinquish its grip no matter how deeply she breathed. What was the cause of the delay? Had something gone wrong in the dark halls of Lunamere? She couldn’t simply patch into her captain’s channel—the distance between them was too great.
“I can’t wait any longer,” Lira said to the girls, gaining their attention.
Gilly, who was flipped upside down on her chair, sat upright. “Andi ordered us to stay put. Do you want to disobey her?”
“Not entirely,” Lira said, shaking her head.
“What are you going to do then? We aren’t just going to leave them behind, right?” she asked, eyes wide with anxiety.
“Of course not, Gilly,” Breck answered for Lira. “She’s just...concerned.” Breck narrowed her eyes at Lira in warning. A private message from the gunner flashed across her feed. Keep it together. Don’t scare the kid.
Sometimes Lira forgot how young Gilly was. Her youth had been pulled out from under her by the awful things done to her in the past, and her innocence certainly hadn’t been restored by the road she now followed with the girls.
But she didn’t know the truth, and neither did Breck. Lira frowned as she thought about what Andi had commanded just before they entered Dark Matter.
If they didn’t return by the designated time, the girls were to save themselves. They were to hide in the darkest hole they could find until they were long forgotten by General Cortas and his lackeys.
Lira’s scales lit up again.
She’d followed Andi’s other orders. But this was not one she could obey.
How could they even trust Soyina? She’d checked out, by their snooping...and yet, Lira didn’t truly trust anyone in this galaxy. No one could, with its twisted history.
Another minor problem was the fact that, for the second time this week, Lira had been forced to assume her role of Second-in-Command. She hated the title, and wished she could discard it as easily as Breck and Gilly discarded used bullet casings.
If it was just Lira alone on this ship, without Breck and Gilly, she would storm Lunamere herself until she found Andi, dead or alive.
It was the very least she could do for the sake of their long friendship. For the chance at a real life, without the heart-clenching, back-breaking responsibility that waited for her back on Adhira.
But when the other two girls’ lives were on the line? Lira forced her emotions aside, as Adhirans should, and told herself they had to stay put.
“I’ll be back,” Lira said, turning on her heel.
“Where are you going?” Breck asked. When Lira didn’t answer, she added, “Lir?”
“You know she never tells us,” Gilly whispered back, though Lira heard it as she left the room. “Play me in a game of Fleet while we wait?”
Breck sighed. “Why, so you can slaughter me again? And where is Alfie, anyhow?”
“I’ll tell you if you play me in Fleet,” Gilly offered.
Their voices trailed off as Lira exited the bridge, stomped down the hallway and deftly climbed down the ladder hatch onto the deck below. The cool metal felt like heaven on her bare feet. Another ladder, a few quick, graceful strides across the catwalk and she found herself storming through the door at the end of the hall into her quarters.
Her room was clean, organized and mostly empty, save for the single welded bookshelf, which held her entire collection of romance novels on handheld pads, each with stories of pilots who stole their lovers away on adventures across the skies. Andi herself had gifted the entire collection to Lira on her Aging Day last year.
Lira had requested a room alone. Breck and Gilly shared the one across from her, which was stacked with soft, overflowing bunks, while Andi took the captain’s quarters above.
But Lira?
She enjoyed time to get lost in her thoughts. And she enjoyed the domed window wall that looked out into endless, swirling outer space. No matter where the Marauder traveled, it was always a glorious view. Ever-changing through the varillium walls. Today, Lira gazed out upon the hull of a broken warship, battered and melted into a mere hunk of waste. The Xen Pterran insignia was half missing on one side.
What size of bomb, Lira wondered, had been used on that ship?
The Cataclysm was more of a mystery to her than to the others, having come from a planet that was hell-bent on peace. Lira chose not to study it. She was too afraid to discover what a leader would have to do when faced with the horrific prospect of war.
She sighed and turned her back on the window wall. A small metal cot was pressed up against it. She sank onto the firm metal slab, relishing the cold on her back.
It was here that she could find a few moments of peace during their busiest days. Here that she could work out the constant barrage of questions and thoughts that peppered her mind day in and day out.
She’d made a lot of choices since leaving Adhira.
All of them had involved Andi and the girls. They worked together as a unit. A single organism with many arms and legs—some smaller than others, some with more scars or markings. But still one and the same once all was said and done.
Some might say that the girls were soulless.
But they were Lira’s soul. And if she had to bet on it, she’d say that she was a part of theirs, too.
For years, Lira had dedicated her life to this crew. She had come here as a girl dreaming of freedom. Now, she had it in her grasp.
Only General Cortas was in the way of that.
And if anything happened to Andi, after all she’d been through...especially on this mission, Lira would never forgive herself for letting Andi go in alone.
She hated to think it, but if anything happened to Andi, Lira would be in charge. What would she do then?
You’d run, Lon’s voice echoed again. Because power and responsibility are too much for you, little bug.
But that wasn’t entirely true. Lira piloted the Marauder. She held the lives of Andi and the girls in her hands each time they set out onto a new mission.
She sighed, closing her eyes. Chasing away the demons. They weren’t as large or as horrifying as those of the other girls, Lira knew...and yet they still plagued her.