I feel like I’ve lost half of all the stories I know.
I hear Katie take a deep breath; we’re about to reach the door. I’m not going to ask her if she’s sure she wants to do this, because I don’t want to give her a chance to say no.
I text June to let her know we’re here.
I get a text back almost instantly.
Meet Violet by the mirrors.
16
Kate
I can’t find the mirrors.
I’ve checked the little paper map, but there’s so much to discover in here that it’s practically useless. Mark told me he’d wait for me in the shadow room. He said he’d be in there for a while, in case I needed him, and if I didn’t come back for him that would be a fine thing. A good thing.
“Just—don’t forget about the poetry slam, okay?”
“Yeah.”
“I really need you there.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Okay. I’ll be in here for a while, I think. My shadow has infinite potential.”
The clock in the room started counting down and he rushed in. I saw him leap up, arm extended like he was catching a fly ball, and the light flashed bright and went dark again.
And now I’m making my way through the wings, looking for the mirrors. There are children and adults, tourists and members, and they are all playing. They’re all engaged or at ease and I wish I could join them, but I need to find her.
I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. I don’t know what I’ll do. But what I do know is that Kylie’s voice has been in my head since last night and that she’s right. I’m the one holding myself back. I’m the one who can make everything change.
I walk past people pressing buttons as fast as they can, watching numbers grow on a screen above them. Past a guy staring at his own reflection. Past people wearing headphones and a group of kids holding magnets over a huge table. And then I stop short because I see Lehna and June and Uma. Lehna’s back is turned—thank God—but June sees me and her eyes go wide. Slowly, she lifts a hand to her side and points me down the hallway. I nod a silent thanks and head into the center of a group of tourists to pass them.
And there, finally, is Violet in front of a giant mirror. Her reflection is upside-down. As I walk closer to her, I appear there, too.
She smiles an upside-down smile.
I frown an upside-down frown.
Not at her, at myself, at the way I’ve been acting.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s June.
Quick! We’re heading in your direction! Trying to stall!
So I grab Violet’s hand and I lead her away from there, out of the wing of the museum that’s about sounds and light and into a greener space where the air feels cooler. All around us are giant tanks full of starfish and coral and anemones, and overturned trees with their roots in the air, and the greenest plants.
I let go of her, but she grabs my hands.
“Why are you here?” she asks me.
“To see you,” I say.
“But last night,” she says. “When I gave you an out, you took it. You’ve been so elusive.”
“You’re right,” I say.
“Why?” she asks. I open my mouth to answer, but she says, “Don’t answer yet. Let me tell you why I’m asking.”
I nod, knees weak. Even being silenced by Violet is amazing. Even being told difficult things is, and I know what she’s about to say is going to be difficult by the way she’s unsmiling, by the crease between her perfect eyebrows, by how she looks away to decide which words to start with.
Whatever she says to me—I will deserve it. If she calls me fickle, I’ll know why. If she says she can’t do this, I’ll understand. But it might crush me.
“I’m asking,” she says. “Because I don’t want elusive.”
She shakes her head. There are tears in her eyes, and I see how I’ve hurt her. How much better than this she deserves.
“I put myself out there for you,” she says. “I got you a rose, but you didn’t let me give it to you. I showed up at that gallery just to see your paintings, and then I saw something even better—I saw you. We got to meet. Finally! And you were everything I wanted you to be. And then I bought your paintings! I was so reckless, which really isn’t like me, but I wanted to do something grand. I wanted to sweep you off your feet. And then laughing in the streets with you and Mark. Talking at dinner. That walk. That kiss…”
I try to speak again, but she shakes her head.