Her shrug was barely noticeable. “You’re paying for my dinner, and you paid for the hotel room, but I hope you don’t think you have to take care of me.” She said the last words with a shudder, and he didn’t blame her for it.
“I thought we were two people helping each other out,” she went on. “Me keeping you company and you making it so that I have enough money for a security deposit on a place when we get to Salt Lake. Wasn’t that the deal??” Her brows were raised, matching the new higher octave of her voice. “Maybe looking for a job and seeing about community college doesn’t seem like a plan to you, but it is to me.”
“It is a plan,” he offered. “And I’m not angry at you.” He reached his arms out across the table, palms up, but she didn’t offer hers in return.
He kept them there, his fingers jutting up into the sky, lost and alone without her fingers intertwined in his. “What I said before, about you being a better story of hard work and courage than me was true. I meant every word.”
She gave that fucking nearly invisible shrug again. The one he wished she would replace with words, even if it meant she’d be yelling at him. “I guess.”
His belief that he was mature enough not to blurt out stupid shit was clearly wrong. He’d hurt Selina. That was worse than Curtis and company not responding to his e-mails. He needed a couple of beers so he could forget how annoyed he was with everyone for not following his sensible plans, and how annoyed he was with himself for letting them get to him enough that he took it out on Selina.
Or maybe more than a six-pack, he needed a walk. To stretch his legs and his mind and stop being cooped up in the car. He’d feel better once he got to the resort. Until then, though, he’d need to apologize to Selina more sincerely. When he’d calmed down, that was.
The waitress refilled his water and he and Selina finished their dinner in a chilly silence that he couldn’t wait to get out of. At least once they were in their hotel room, he could turn on the television and drown out the boom of her hurt and the echo of the words that he’d said to her, which was now running through his mind on repeat.
When he wasn’t trying to think of what to write to convince Curtis—or anyone—to listen to him.
After paying the bill, he practically ran to the car to get away from the funk he had left behind in the seats. He was in the car and had the motor running before Selina was even halfway across the parking lot. His tires squealed as he shifted into reverse and backed up.
It wasn’t until he’d pulled up next to her and realized she was standing perfectly still, her purse clutched against her chest, that it occurred to him it looked as if he was about to drive away on her and leave her there in the middle of nowhere.
The fact that he was acting like every other loser guy in her life startled him. Waiting until he’d cooled down wouldn’t cut it for Selina. He wasn’t being the kind of person he wanted to be for her.
He rolled down the window. “I’m sorry for being a dick. There’s no excuse for it.”
Still clearly shaken, she nodded and got in.
On the short drive through the town’s two stoplights, Marc took several deep breaths. He hadn’t meant what he’d said to Selina, but he didn’t know how to make her believe him. He liked his life organized and well planned, and he didn’t understand how she wasn’t freaked out by the sudden and massive turn her life just took. He’d gotten the change in his life that he’d worked years for, and still, here he was, obsessively checking his e-mail, trying to get the life he’d once had back. Maybe he couldn’t give up his project, but that wasn’t Selina’s fault.
When they hit a grocery store, he pulled into the lot and turned the car off. After the radio stopped, Selina’s silence pulsed through the inside of the car.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Yes, you said. Apology accepted.” She was saying the right words, but the lack of warmth in her tone smarted. Though her tone surely cut less than what he’d said to her. Besides, he wasn’t looking to win this argument or shake her until she understood how sorry he was. He wanted her to feel better because he liked her. Because he respected her. Because he really was sorry. And because what it was like being in her shoes was beyond anything he could imagine.
“Yes, I already said it, but I don’t think I said it well enough. I didn’t mean what I said, Selina. I promise. I lost control of my baby—I sold control of my baby—and this trip hasn’t helped me come to terms with that fact. But—” He stopped himself before he launched into more about his own frustrations. “But that’s not what’s important right now. It doesn’t matter why I said what I said. It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. And I’m sorry for that.”