But please, please say something.
Only he took her at her word and turned away from her, to stare, silent and broody, out a dark window to the parking lot below. She twisted her fingers together and took a step closer to him. In the window she could see the reflection of his face.
He was watching her.
But from a distance. Or an angle.
It was just another way for both of them to hide. And she didn’t want that. He might reject her. He might laugh in her face and tell her she’d missed her chance, but she wanted to look him in the eyes when she told him.
She’d spent enough time hiding from him. Hiding from her feelings.
“Could you please turn around?” she asked, wishing her voice was stronger.
He did what she asked, his hands in his jeans pockets. His thick wool sweater pulled taut over his shoulders and chest. He had always been so big and so able to hold her up, take on her weight and her problems. She’d wanted to do the same for him. Just a little.
“I asked your mom for an invitation to the party because I wanted to see you.”
He shrugged nonchalantly with one shoulder, as if that was all the effort that was required. “You could have seen me anytime,” he said.
“I know.”
“I’m going to check on my mom.” He grabbed his hat and headed back toward Marion’s room. She got in his way. Frowning, he stepped to the right to get around her and she stepped with him. He stepped left and she was still in his way.
“What are you doing?”
“Telling you I’m sorry.”
“I’m done with apologies from you, Trina.” Again he tried to step past her, again she stuck to him, refusing to let him by until she had her say. “What? Are you ten?”
“I wanted to call you back a thousand times,” she said. “Once I was done being mad, I felt stupid because you were right. Your father had good intentions hiring me. He did. But your brother just wanted to use me as a tool to gather up land, including my father’s.”
“And you thought what? I was going to rub your face in it? Look, I’m really sorry about the situation with Josh. You deserve better. You’ve always deserved better. But it’s been two years, Trina.”
“I’ve been spending a lot of time with my dad,” she said. “This year. Since I quit, really.”
“Trust me, I know. It’s all he talks about.”
“You got him to stop drinking.”
“I just poured out the rye. He did the hard part.”
She still fought the instinct not to give her father any credit. But he’d been sober for the better part of a year, and sometimes she had to remember that. She had to work hard to see the man he was trying to be and not just the man he had been.
“We go to church together,” she said. “Have coffee after. It’s not great, but it’s good. Frankly, I’m still mad a lot of the time, but we’re trying.”
“That’s nice. I’m glad.”
“Thank you.” She wished her voice was stronger. “Thank you for giving us that chance. You were right. Last year, what you said at the gas station, that I don’t forgive or forget. You were right. And I’m working on it,” she said. “That’s what I’ve been doing this year. Working on that. On me, I guess. Trying to be the kind of person who deserves a guy like you. I wanted to call you—see you again, when I was the best version of myself.”
His eyes went wide. His mouth fell open a little bit.
“I had this big plan tonight. I made sure your mom put the instruments down in the foyer—”
“We haven’t played together in years.”
“Right. That was pointed out to me. That’s why the harpist was hired. But I was going to ask you to play with me. I was going to tell you how much that meant to me when I was a kid. How I never felt as close to anyone as I did while playing those songs with you. Except for that morning…three Christmas Eves ago. When you made me look at you while—”
She cut off her rambling mouth, blushing. Really, Trina. You’re in a hospital.
“I remember,” he said quietly. Warmth kindling in his eyes. He took a step closer, and then another, and her knees nearly buckled with relief. Was this working? Was this actually working?
“What I want, more than anything, is to feel that close to you again. So I went to that party. Hoping you would be there. Hoping you would see me in this stupid dress—”
“Hey now, I like that dress.”
“I wanted you to see me in it and I wanted you to want me.”
“Mission accomplished.”
She sucked in a breath, blood pounding in her cheeks.
“But then, when everything happened with your mom, all I could think about was how hard this would be for you and I couldn’t stand the idea of you being here all alone.”
“You didn’t want my mother to be alone.”