“Be contrite about arriving late.” He shakes his forefinger at me. “Be polite. Be serious but not pompous. Say you’ll make an amazing MP. Don’t screw up. Don’t fucking screw up.”
I give him a meek nod as he shepherds me up the stairs and down a corridor. He flings a door open. I plaster a smile onto my face and stride to the front of the wood-paneled room, Rowan trailing in my wake. Three microphones are perched on a stand, two of them labeled “BBC” and “ITV.”
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” I say in my most apologetic voice. “Rowan’s given you my statement. I’ll be delighted to answer any questions you may have.”
Hands are shooting up everywhere in the room. I decide on a balding man in the back row, who looks harmless.
“BBC,” he says. “How do you feel about the successful passage of the Mixed Marriage Act, Mr. Evans?”
“Delighted, of course.” My mouth creases into a wide smile. “Especially after throwing my weight behind the campaign and getting lots of support from the fans of my books. I’ll be working just as hard for South Cambridgeshire if elected as MP.”
Time to move on. I point to a woman with horn-rimmed glasses seated in the middle of the room.
“Diane Tate, Daily Telegraph,” she says. “Yesterday’s royal assent has not dampened the rumblings of Mono discontent in this country. What about the true economic costs of the act? Many are still convinced that the government will be taxing our hardworking Mono masses and enriching Duos even further. You’re in a mixed union yourself, Mr. Evans. You’ll gain financially from the act. Is this the real reason why you’ve acted as a poster boy for the mixed-marriage campaign?”
Muted titters erupt in the room.
“Thank you, Diane.” I smile at her. “The advantages of the act have already been debated at length in Parliament. I’ll reiterate the main conclusion: the act bodes well for Britain’s productivity in the long term. I believe in supporting what’s best for our country. I’ll benefit from the tax breaks, of course. But so will my Mono wife, Claire. Mixed marriages benefit both Monos and Duos. Some twenty thousand Mono citizens will begin enjoying these rebates over the next fifteen years if the act’s a success.”
Tate rolls her eyes. I brace myself for another onslaught.
“Success.” She emits a derisive snort, getting up to her feet. “Social barriers between Monos and Duos will not come tumbling down overnight, even if the government has managed to rush an ill-conceived act through Parliament. Did your parents attend your wedding, Mr. Evans?”
Damn.
“No,” I say with a shrug, deciding to tell the truth. “But my diary says that Claire’s parents were present. Her father gave her away with joy on his face. You’re right about existing social barriers, Diane. We are all products of our own prejudices. These barriers constrain the progress of our society. But they will only be demolished if we attempt to break them down in the first place. The act’s a step in the right direction.”
Rowan gives me a surreptitious poke in the back, urging me to move on at once. I pick out a bearded man in the third row, clad in a lightning-blue turtleneck sweater.
“Cambridge Evening News,” he says. “Your statement suggests you’ll campaign for the mixed children of South Cambridgeshire if elected. What do you hope to achieve?”
Thank God for a benign question. Time for another stock answer, prepared and learned with Rowan’s help.
“The 2011 census shows that Cambridge, like London and Oxford, is home to a large number of mixed couples,” I say. “Cambridge also has a high number of mixed-marriage children. A recent study suggests that these youngsters, even Mono ones, tend to achieve higher grades at school and are more likely to go to university. Mixed marriages work in all sorts of wonderful, unexpected ways. If elected, I’ll campaign for tuition rebates to be granted to these children. They deserve all the help they can get.”
A woman with dangling tortoiseshell earrings flings her hand up from the second row. I nod at her.
“Mr. Evans,” she says, not bothering to introduce herself. “Does your wife, Claire, work?”
What an odd question.
“No,” I say. “She doesn’t.”
“You said she’ll benefit from the tax breaks. But she doesn’t work.”
Dear God. She must be a Mono. Fact: Dim-witted, myopic people have a tendency to get on my nerves, especially when they become fixated on the irrelevant. But I should be correct in my reply.
“You’re right,” I say. “Claire isn’t a taxpayer at present. But she may go into business someday. If she does, she’ll be among the numerous Monos benefiting from the promised tax breaks.”
Even though the only business Claire intends to go into at present is the business of divorce, I suppose a white lie or two does not hurt. Rowan gives me a sharp nudge to indicate that I should move on. He’s definitely capable of recognizing a lame answer when he hears one.
A woman with cherry-colored lips and a bubble-gum-pink scarf around her neck waves at me. I point at her.
“Daily Mail,” Rowan hisses into my ear. “Beware.”
“Your statement says you’ve been in a mixed marriage for twenty years,” she says, baring her teeth in a broad yet menacing smile. “That’s impressive, Mr. Evans. What’s your secret to marital success?”
“Not getting angry with each other at the same time,” I say, causing small chuckles to ripple across the room. This prompts me to throw in another one-liner from the repertoire I’ve learned:
“Earning more than Claire can spend.”
This triggers a number of loud guffaws. Excellent.
“The differences between Monos and Duos are smaller than most people think they are,” I continue, spotting an approving look on Rowan’s face out of the corner of my eye. “My wife and I have learned to live with our similarities. We repeat our marriage vows to ourselves each morning—the fact that we love each other.”
“You sang the praises of mixed-marriage babies just now,” the woman persists, still smiling at me. “But you’ve been married for twenty years and don’t have any children.”
“We’ve tried,” I say, hanging my head for greater effect. “My diary says that Claire has been desperate for a little one for years. With luck, there may be an addition to the Evans family someday.”
Sympathetic murmurs waft across the room.
“I definitely understand the mental and emotional heartache suffered by childless couples,” I continue. “I’ll support the recent motion for the adoption process to be simplified. That way, more couples will experience the joys of parenthood. I’ve learned that one hundred and forty-one couples are on the waiting list in South Cambridgeshire. They deserve to be parents. If elected, I’ll make this happen.”