“No. We were. In fact, I think I still love you despite what you did.”
“But how do you know you love me?”
“I just know.”
“That’s not a good answer,” I tell him honestly, hoping what I say next will make him understand that he simply loves me out of obligation, and not because a passion inside us pushes us together. “Did you miss me when I left?”
His face softens. “Of course, I did.”
“Did it kill you? Did it crush your soul to think we will never be together again?” That takes him off guard and I can see the wheels turning when he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “If you have to think about it, that’s how you know. If you’ve ever truly had your heart shattered, you’d know it. It’s a feeling that won’t go away.”
Jorge nods. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”
My mind wanders to Xavier and how it’s been days since I’ve heard from him and how much it hurts.
“I am,” I whisper. “And getting your heart broke hurts like a bitch.”
Jorge’s eyes widen, and he nearly chokes on the red wine he was sipping. “I never expected profanity to ever come out of your mouth.”
I laugh. “I’ve changed, Jorge. Leaving Portland a few months ago has really made me grow up and see the world in an entirely different light. Growing up the way we did, it’s really sheltered us, Jorge. The world outside of the church isn’t so bad. There are a lot of different types of people in the world.”
He sighs. “Was our life so bad?”
“No,” I answer simply. “But if I’m being honest, I wasn’t happy.”
He eyes me over the wineglass. “And are you happy now?”
His question is meant to have a simple answer, but it’s still difficult for me to answer. On one hand, I’m ecstatic about the freedom I’ve gained since I left home, but on the other hand, I’m dealing with the loss of Xavier and the cruel reality I might end up being a single mother, struggling to take care of a baby all by myself. All in all, I’m happy, with a whole lot of scared shitless mixed in, but I don’t regret making the decision to leave home.
“Yes. I’m happy.”
He raises his glass to me. “Then that’s all that matters.”
The rest of our evening is far less intense. We made small talk, and he even fills me in on how Mother and Father were doing since they haven’t spoken to me in a while.
“You should visit them while you’re in Portland next week. It will mean the world to your mother to see you. She’s missing you like crazy.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Father and I didn’t exactly part on good terms.”
Jorge nods. “I heard. Your new boyfriend got in his face?”
I twist my lips. “That’s not exactly what happened, but yes, they did have some heated words. But Xavier wasn’t wrong for standing up to Father.”
He sighs. “Simon can be hotheaded, but he really does love you, Anna.”
My eyes burn at the thought of my parents, and how if we keep fighting like this, they’ll never know their grandchild. None of that matters, though, because Father will never accept me, especially after getting pregnant outside of wedlock.
“Don’t cry, Anna.” Jorge hands me the cloth napkin he unfolded. “If you miss them so much, go see them—fix things before they get too out of control to be made right again.”
I sniff as the fear of facing Father again races through me. “I’ll think about it.”
Jorge smiles. “Let me know if you want to see them. I’ll be happy to chauffeur you around.”
“I’ll have to think about it.”
“Please do. With Tension staying so close, it may just make more sense to go stay in the Pacific Northwest for a while. Use the next couple of weeks to spend time here with your family.”
What he says makes sense. With no word from Xavier, what would be the point in rushing back and forth for only a couple of days in Detroit, unless it was to check on him and make sure he’s all right?
My mind instantly begins to turn at the thought. What if Kai hurt him? What if he’s not answering because he can’t?
Panic shoots through me, and I pop up from the table in such a quick manner that it startles Jorge and causes heads to turn in my direction.
“You all right?”
“Yes. Fine. I need to make a phone call. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay . . .” The confusion on Jorge’s face morphs into concern, but I don’t explain the situation any further before I turn and rush away from him.
My fingers fly over the buttons on my phone as I search for the number for Nettie’s Diner and then quickly hit call as I pace back and forth in the hallway leading to the restrooms.
The phone rings three times before it’s picked up. “Nettie’s.”
“Hey, Nettie. It’s Anna. I know this may sound strange, but have you seen Xavier lately?”
My heart pounds as I await her answer. If she’s seen him, it means he’s fine and is truly ignoring me, but if she hasn’t, another type of panic will set in.