This was a bad idea. Richard returns to the couch. The undercurrent of conversation throughout the auditorium sounds like a swarming hive. The lax bros can barely contain themselves; they think this is hysterical.
“There are better and worse ways to ask, ‘Can I kiss you?’”Trainor begins. “For example, you don’t want to startle them. ‘Oh my god! Can I kiss you?’”He shouts the question in a desperate voice. Everyone jumps, then laughs. “Try leading into it,” he suggests. “Say you’ve been hanging out all evening, and now the two of you are back at your room, sitting on the couch. You might say, ‘I have had such a great time with you tonight. I really like you. Can I kiss you?” Trainor’s tone completely changes. It’s sincere and intimate. It’s sexy without being aggressive. People in the audience applaud.
“Which one of you wants to give it a try?” Trainor has turned to them. The applause changes to laughter and whistles. Richard looks at Haley. Her hand shoots up. Matt Trainor smiles at her encouragingly, then steps away from the couch. The room quiets.
Haley’s head is bowed, as if she’s staring at something in her lap. “Oh my god!” she exclaims. She looks up at Richard with an amazed expression. “You did my problem sets for me!” She leaps from the couch, yells, “Yes!” and pumps her fist. She plops back next to him. “Can I kiss you?” she gleefully asks.
The crowd roars. Matt Trainor laughs as well. A little less enthusiastically.
“That’s cute,” he concedes, “but may I point out that sexual intimacy should never be given in exchange for something.” Richard hears a few groans from the audience. “Richard, want to give it a try?”
What to do? He’s not good at being funny on command. His mind races, trying to think of something.
Then his glance falls on Carrie in the second row. Arms folded across her chest, lip curled. Like she’s just wishing she had a crossbow right now.
It’s all the inspiration he needs.
Richard scootches close to Haley, facing her so their knees touch. He takes both her hands in his and looks sincerely into her eyes.
“You are so much nicer than my last girlfriend,” he declares earnestly. “Can I kiss you?”
More uproarious laughter. And judging from the enthusiastic response from the bros in the front row, more people knew he’d dated Carrie than he realized.
Matt Trainor doesn’t even pretend to smile at this point. He looks out toward the audience. He’s going to pick other volunteers.
“Can I try again?” Haley asks him. “Seriously?”
Trainor’s clearly reluctant, but he nods.
Haley takes one of Richard’s hands in both of hers. As the audience settles down, she laces her fingers through his.
“I really like your hands,” she tells him. People are saying, “Shush, we can’t hear her.” She waits for the room to quiet, massaging his hand the whole time. It’s strangely intimate. Sexy, even.
“Is that weird to say?” she finally continues. “But it’s the first thing I noticed about you. You were helping me with my math homework, and I thought, ‘He’s got gorgeous hands.’”The room has gone completely silent at this point. Now her hands still. They hold his. Tight.
“I like you. A lot,” she says quietly. The microphone barely picks up her voice. “And I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but . . . I’ve never had a boyfriend.” She looks directly into Richard’s eyes when she says this.
“I know you have,” she continues. “Had girlfriends, that is. But for now, for us? For starters? Can we just . . . kiss?”
Every person in the place stops breathing. At least, that’s how it feels to Richard. He knows he’s holding his breath.
“Absolutely,” he finally says. And then he is. They are. Kissing. On the theater department prop couch, on the stage, in front of half the college. To shouts of “Yes!” from the bros and applause as the kiss continues, and at some point, a standing ovation.
Meanwhile, Matt Trainor wears a delighted grin.
“Now that,” he says to the audience, “is consent.”
. . .
Jordan laughs.
“Swirly?” he says.
“Like everything is swirling around,” Jenny hears herself say.
He laughs again.
She feels him touch the top of her head. Kiss the top of her head.
“You are so sweet,” he tells her.
She stumbles. She feels him catch her, hold her up.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asks. “I live right here.”
. . .
35
Haley
Haley offers to make it up to Richard with lunch at the Forge, her treat. It’s a go--to place, an old blacksmith’s shop turned bistro on the river with great food.