“Mmm.” My body feels weightless and darkness closes in.
“Knowing you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I want to soothe the sadness I hear in her voice and reassure her that I’ll erase the ugly memories I gave her. “I’ll miss you.”
“Miss you . . .” I can’t fight it anymore and sleep pulls me under.
From the depths of unconsciousness I dream of the sound of her tears and her whispered “I love you.”
SAWYER
I wake from a deep sleep to find Cal standing at the edge of my bed.
“I hope it’s okay I let myself in. I didn’t want to wake you but,” he whispers. He nods to Aden who is sleeping in my arms. “I wanted to check on him.”
“It’s okay.” I slide out from under him and scoot off the bed and into the living room. Cal follows behind me and I quietly close the door to the bedroom. “Do you have a second?”
He grunts and leans against a stack of boxes while I drop to the couch, tucking my legs up under me.
“You have to tell me what happened to him, Cal.”
He doesn’t need me to explain it, the look in his eyes tells me he knows what I’m asking for. “That’s not my story to tell—”
“Please. Aden says he can’t tell me, not that he doesn’t want me to know, but it’s like he can’t bring himself to relive it.”
His jaw is hard and unyielding.
“I’m leaving in six hours, Cal. I’ll never see Aden again, but I have to know what made him like this. He says he’s ‘wrecked.’ I just want to understand why.”
He huffs out a breath, turns to check on the closed door to the bedroom, then drops down on the couch next to me. He runs a hand down his face, looking as tired as I feel. “Aden was the commander of his battalion. He called the shots, his men were obligated to follow. And he was good. I’d say the best.”
This doesn’t surprise me. Aden has that natural born leader thing going on. I find it nearly impossible not to listen when he barks orders at me and I’m not a trained soldier.
“On his last deployment his Special Forces team was there to train the local Iraqi soldiers to defend themselves. They had a lot of success and when they were given an op to infiltrate a compound where ISIS members were hiding, Aden was looking forward to backing up the newly trained men.”
“He said he trusted the wrong people? What does that mean?”
Cal nods. “One of the Iraqi soldiers under his training had pissed off some of Aden’s men. They were concerned he was playing both sides. You can imagine how dangerous that could be, if there was a rat in Aden’s team who was filtering information to the enemy, well . . .”
He doesn’t have to finish the sentence. I can only imagine what that would mean for Aden and his team.
“Aden felt his guys were being unfair. He trusted this man with his life and the life of his men.”
Oh no . . .
I dream about crushing his skull with my bare hands.
A chill slides down my spine. “He was wrong.”
Cal turns his cold, hard eyes on mine. “He was wrong.”
I stare at the floor trying to imagine how difficult that must’ve been for Aden, to know that his soldiers trusted him, had faith that he would lead them into battle with only the best men at their back, only to realize he—
“They were ambushed. Enemy knew their every step and attacked before they could even make a move. When they came, they came after Aden. His men, the same ones who warned him about the mole, threw themselves in front of enemy fire to save their commander. Aden lost all but two of his US soldiers and they died so he could live.”
“Oh my God.” His men knew better and died to protect him anyway. “I can’t imagine the guilt . . .” Even hearing it as a third party is suffocating me in shame.
“Aden came home and he wasn’t the same. He was dead on the inside. He couldn’t get a job, felt useless. The guilt ate him up so bad he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but drink. He lashed out at his parents, his sister, they begged him to get treatment and he tried, but those demons run so deep. I knew if I didn’t get Aden away from his family he’d destroy their love for him and he’d have nothing left.”
“So you invited him here?”
He turns to me and tilts his head. “The only thing that keeps a wild animal from destroying everything around him is to keep him busy, give him a job. I left Aden in charge of my boat, figured if he was fishing he couldn’t piss anyone off. He tried to live in my cottage here, but after he beat those boys who broke into this place he knew he needed more distance from people.”
“He’s isolating himself.”
He makes a noise of agreement. “It’s the only thing that keeps him sane. The only thing that keeps him from hurting people.”
I knot my fingers in my lap. “He told me tonight he tried to kill himself.”
“Yeah, guess the booze wasn’t working so he tried, hate to say it but my guess is that wasn’t the first time.”
I lean forward and with my head in my hands I try to stop the whirling as my thoughts spin out of control.
“I didn’t know how deep he was in with you, but after tonight . . .” He stares at the ground. “It’s imperative he not find out who you are, Sawyer.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think it was your intention to deceive him, but if he finds out you’ve been lying to him this whole time, pretending to be someone you’re not, this might break him completely.”
Silent tears fall from my eyes. I don’t wipe them away because I want to feel the sorrow of lying to a man who doesn’t deserve so much dishonesty and betrayal.
“Wish it could’ve been different, boy do I. Never seen Aden fall for a woman like he’s fallen for you. Shame to see something that could’ve been great never happen.”
I drag in a fortifying breath and face Cal knowing what I’m about to say is going to kill, but needing the break to be clean. “I think it would be best if we moved Aden to your place. The movers will be here early and I’ll be leaving for the airport at sunup.”
He narrows his eyes. “You’re not going to tell him goodbye?”
“If I do, I’ll never be able to leave.”
Understanding washes over his features and he pushes to stand. “Right. I’ll grab him.”
I don’t follow Cal back into the bedroom, but instead open the front door and wait when Cal staggers out of the room with a half-sleeping Aden leaning against him.
I look down at my feet as Cal passes me, through the door, and carefully down the stairs. Walking quickly I get in front of him so I’m able to open the front door of Cal’s cottage as he lumbers, breathing heavily, to the couch to drop his nephew there.
With a grunt and a moan Aden flops to his back and the gentle sounds of his snoring fill the space. I resist the urge to go to him, to press my lips to his one last time even if he doesn’t remember it because it’ll take herculean strength to hold me back from falling into him and hanging on for dear life.
“Do me a favor?” Cal’s standing in the doorway, his expression grim. “Give Celia a hug for me. Tell her my life is better having known her.”
“I will.”
I back out of the cottage and turn toward Celia’s.