The apartment never felt quite right to Ellie, though she’d spent a few nights there and many hours just hanging out on the couch while Collin studied with headphones on. When she wasn’t too tired to function, she’d make study snacks like a diligent girlfriend, and when she was too tired, she’d doze after a long shift. Today it wasn’t just cold and barren in Collin’s apartment; it was downright creepy, making her want to whisper when she really should be calling out to find the missing Collin.
Ellie listened carefully for any signs of what may have taken him away, but there were no breathy snores or sounds of the shower running. At first it seemed the world inside the apartment was silent and he had disappeared, but then she heard something she hadn’t expected—Collin’s voice.
Ellie stepped farther into the apartment, following the sound like bread crumbs. It wasn’t the constant rhythm of a healthy back-and-forth but more like a brief staccato interrupting the silent landscape. Still, the sound of him talking on the phone inside the apartment while she’d been waiting in the car made Ellie both annoyed and confused, but then she remembered that Collin’s family was in crisis too. Maybe he was getting an update. Maybe there was news.
Her work boots made a sharp thump on the polished tiles, and though she wanted to know what was going on with Collin, she also didn’t. Sometimes, not knowing was safer than knowing.
Ellie bypassed the kitchen, where the various glowing appliances let off an unsettling blue-green hue that reminded her of the hospital, and instead she followed the thin, worn runner down the hall to the only bedroom in the place.
“Collin,” she whispered, finally brave enough to call out. “Collin, you okay?”
No answer.
There was no light shining behind the bedroom door to Collin’s room.
“Collin,” she called again, this time letting her annoyance creep into her voice, which increased her volume several levels. Still no answer. Then the intermittent sound of conversation stopped, and Ellie picked up her pace down the hall where she shoved open the bedroom door. No Collin. The room contained nothing more than a bed and a few rows of clothes in the closet. The bathroom was unfortunately accessed only by walking through the bedroom, which was just one reason among many she hated the idea of starting her life as a newlywed here.
The bed lay unmade, a few neat piles of clothes in various parts of the room. The ratty armchair in the corner that Collin had snuck out of his fraternity was covered in a curtain of clothes still on their metal hangers in the dry cleaning bags he’d picked them up in. It was all fairly normal. Collin rarely had time to worry himself with cleaning; as somewhat messed up as it sounded, his mom would often come over to give the place a good cleaning while he was at school, using the key under the front mat to get in.
Standing in the middle of the nice-size master bedroom and spinning in a slow circle to take it all in, Ellie finally noticed a light under the bathroom door. Usually if the shower was running, the whole apartment would smell of mildew and shampoo, but tonight she didn’t smell anything other than the lingering scent of Mrs. Bianca’s tamales from next door.
Ellie knocked lightly on the bathroom door. “Collin, are you in there?” she asked, already knowing there was no other place that he could be unless he’d snuck out of the apartment.
The light flicked off and the door opened inward, making Ellie stumble forward. Collin stood on the other side, one hand on the doorknob and the other holding his dark iPhone. With the light from the bathroom suddenly absent, it was difficult to see more than an outline of Collin’s body and facial features.
“There you are!” Ellie stared at him in confusion. “What the hell? You haven’t even changed.”
“Sorry, my phone died. Is . . . is it Amelia? Do we need to go back to the hospital?” Collin crossed to his bed and threw the stray bedding strewn across the floor into the center of his mattress. Reaching under the bed, he yanked out a large, empty duffel bag, the seams and edges so frayed that it looked like it’d been pushed through an X-ray machine at the airport one too many times. Then he opened each drawer of his dresser one by one, withdrawing a few neatly folded items.
Collin seemed rushed and on edge, nervous. This was a side of her fiancé she’d never seen. He was always cool under pressure, which was one of the reasons she knew he’d be an excellent surgeon one day. But this shaking, silent man was not anything like “her” Collin. In fact, the way he was behaving reminded Ellie a lot more of his brother, Caleb. The idea made that creepy feeling come back again.
“What is really going on?” Ellie asked, taking a step forward and putting her hand on Collin’s back between his shoulder blades. His shirt was damp with sweat despite the cool night, and he froze when she touched him.
“I’m tired,” he said, grabbing another item from a drawer and tossing it in the bag. Ellie glanced inside the open zipper.
“How long do you think we’re going to be gone? Collin, we’ve really gotta go. I’ll grab your toothpaste and brush, and then we can head over to my place.”
Talking as she walked, Ellie headed toward the bathroom to collect a few toiletries. There had to be some way to get Collin moving and out of the apartment even with the stress of everything finally setting in.
Sometimes that happened after a hard call—after the adrenaline was gone and you were in your own home, it all became real. Her lacy childhood duvet had absorbed many tears from nights like that. Though Collin had plenty of experience with high-adrenaline moments, he also had never had it touch his life in such a personal manner. She tried to take a step back and not judge. The two of them would be on her own doorstep in a matter of minutes, and then maybe she’d be the one having a breakdown.
Without looking, she found the bathroom switch and turned it on. Just as she did, Collin broke from his frantic spell.
“No!” he shouted. The intensity of his call made Ellie glance back over her shoulder. Collin was headed right toward her.
“No, not the light . . . um.” He hesitated, and Ellie knew Collin was hiding something. “It hurts my eyes.”
He reached his hand around the wall and flicked the light off, once again bathing them in darkness.
“Why are you being so weird?” Ellie asked, pushing Collin’s hand aside and switching on the light. She turned around, but instead of a bachelor’s bathroom with a cluttered counter and grungy tub, red flashed back at her. Blood. Blood was smeared over the white countertop. Blood coated the stainless steel faucet and handles. There was blood on the closed toilet seat cover and even on a corner of the shower curtain.
“Ellie, stop . . .” Collin’s urgent request faded away as more details came into focus: surgical scissors on the counter, surgical tape, and a strand of unrolled gauze draped over the soap dispenser like it had missed some kind of party.
“What the hell?” She stepped farther into the bathroom, her feet sinking into the area rug. Then it all fell together. The blood, Collin’s sketchy behavior, the hastily administered medical supplies made Ellie think one thing: Caleb.