‘You’re welcome. See you at dinner, unless we both fall asleep before then.’
Scarlet nodded as Lucy turned, and she decided to check on Ellie quickly before getting something to eat and then trying to get a few hours’ sleep. The casualties they’d received over the past days had been horrific. What they’d been told was a battle supposed to last a day had stretched out for more than a week with little end in sight. She was so tired she felt like her very bones were weary, feet dragging with each step, and tucking up beside Ellie for even an hour sounded like heaven to her right now. But she was pleased she’d taken the time to speak with Lucy. First impressions weren’t always right, she knew that, and there was a lot more to Lucy than she’d imagined.
She had been trying not to think of James, or Thomas, but as always happened when she prepared to sleep, her thoughts turned to them both. Whether she’d see them again, whether they were dead, bodies lying forlorn on the ground, or submerged in mud. Or whether someone was caring for them, a nurse with a light touch, a nun with a soft smile.
It was probably best she didn’t cross paths with James, not again, not after what had been said and done. She was here for Thomas, and to serve her country – just like he was. There wasn’t time to think of ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’ because nursing was all she needed to focus on, and she knew now it was going to be a lot tougher than she’d ever imagined to get through her time here. They’d been in France less than two weeks, and it had already been the worst two weeks of her life – without a shadow of doubt.
The night they’d arrived, sitting on the beach and watching men being rushed on to ships headed for home, part of her had wanted to leap forward and check them all, make sure one of them wasn’t Thomas, but she knew there was no chance of it being that easy. If he were here, if he were still alive, wouldn’t they have heard from him? Wouldn’t she know? The army wouldn’t have thought he’d fallen off the face of the earth if he was still fighting with his unit. The chills started to spread down her body, like they were in her bones. Thinking like that made her realise how crazy this whole thing was, how unlikely it was that she’d ever, ever find him. She bent and entered the tent.
‘Needle in a haystack,’ she whispered to herself.
‘What?’
She leaned over and hugged Ellie. ‘Nothing. Just talking to myself. I thought you were asleep.’
‘My mother says that’s the first sign of going crazy,’ Ellie whispered, pushing back into her, starting to cry again. ‘But I think I’m the one who’s gone crazy. I can’t stay here, Scarlet, I can’t.’
‘Hey, I’m the one talking to myself, so that makes me the crazy one.’ Scarlet relished the extra warmth from Ellie as they huddled together. ‘I don’t know what to say, how to help you,’ Scarlet confessed, not wanting to pretend everything was fine when it so obviously wasn’t. ‘But I’m worried.’
Ellie leaned back harder into her and Scarlet hugged her tighter.
‘I’m so tired, and I can’t get some of the things I’ve seen out of my head. I . . .’
‘You can tell me,’ Scarlet said. ‘I get it, believe me, I get it.’
‘I thought I’d be good at this, that I would be able to keep smiling and laughing and make these soldiers feel better. I never thought hard enough about what I was going to be dealing with, how gruesome it would be and how many men would die.’
Scarlet was certain Ellie was worried about her brothers, too, now that she’d seen the reality of war first-hand.
‘No one is built for this kind of work, Ellie, no one,’ she told her, her voice soft as they murmured to one another. ‘You’re like a ray of sunshine, and it’s no wonder you’re struggling. Heck, I don’t know how I’m holding it together most days, especially with so little sleep.’
‘So you don’t think less of me?’ Ellie asked. ‘You don’t think I’m hopeless?’
‘I think it shows what a kind-hearted, lovely person you are to be so badly affected by the injuries these men have sustained, by what you’re seeing them go through.’
She listened to Ellie sigh. ‘I’m so tired.’
‘Me too. Let’s try to get some sleep.’ Suddenly falling into bed seemed more important than getting anything to eat.
Scarlet knew there was only so much she could shield Ellie from, but she’d do whatever she could. If that meant covering for her and letting her get some extra sleep, then she’d do it in a heartbeat.
She shut her eyes, still tucked close to Ellie, pushing thoughts of war and injuries from her mind, the distant noises of battle so familiar to her now that she was able to block them out. She had been so determined to find Thomas while she was here, and although she’d made some enquiries, her days had been exhausting, with little time to do anything more than work, eat, sleep and then do the same all over again. But she’d not lost hope, not yet anyway.
Blackness surrounded her, soothed her, and she started to slip into slumber, thoughts of Thomas fading as she gave in to sleep.
‘Scarlet!’
She jumped, eyes popping open as she quickly sat up.
‘Scarlet, it’s Lucy. There’s a soldier asking for you.’
She rubbed at her eyes, crawling quickly over her bed and out of the tent.
Thomas.
His was the first name she thought of as she gripped Lucy’s arm and, still hazy from sleep, hurried in the dark with her towards their mobile hospital. Nerves made her stomach curdle, her mind a muddle at the thought of seeing him.
Her heart skipped a beat, mouth dry, tripping as she propelled herself forwards even faster. Her boots skidded as they reached the entrance and she slowly released her vice-like grip on Lucy, following her in silently. The bustle of the station disappeared, became a blur as she walked in a straight line and watched Lucy stop beside a patient’s bed. She saw Lucy hold up her hand, pointing, and Scarlet froze when a dark head lifted from the pillow, a smile crossing the lips that were smeared with dried blood.
Scarlet’s body started shaking, her feet stuck.
It was James. James.
A tear escaped her left eye and she quickly brushed it away, the yell of a doctor bringing her back to the present, making her move to get out of the way.
‘Look who it is,’ James said, his smile not concealing the grunt of pain he gave when he turned in the bed. ‘Trust you to come after they’d treated me.’
Scarlet gave an involuntary sigh of relief. He was already making jokes; she was taking that as a good sign.
Scarlet met Lucy’s gaze and reached for her hand, squeezing it, wanting to thank her, but the words stuck in her throat.
She should have been in tears that it wasn’t Thomas, but the fact that James was lying on a bed, not dead already from this awful war, made it impossible not to smile.