Without Merit

“There’s no difference. We’re just . . . she’s more outgoing.”


He pulls himself up out of the water, plopping down next to me on the ledge. Utah also gets out, but only because his phone is ringing. He takes the call and walks out of the pool room.

Honor and Sagan are still at the deep end, but he is now helping Honor back float. His hands are under the water, palms pressed against her back. He’s laughing as he talks her through the motions. The jealousy scorches my throat as I attempt to swallow it down.

“You make it too obvious,” Luck says.

“What?”

He nudges his head toward them. “The way you look at him. You need to stop.”

I’m embarrassed that he noticed. I don’t acknowledge the truth in his comment, though. Instead, I turn our conversation around on him. “Why does Victoria hate you?”

For the first time, sadness registers in his expression. Or maybe it’s remorse. He kicks his right leg up and slings water several feet.

“Our father wasn’t that involved in either of our lives and my mother was having trouble controlling me. She thought Victoria might be able to help, so I went to live with her when I was almost fifteen. I wasn’t even there for a week before I stole all her jewelry and pawned it.”

I wait for him to explain the rest of the story, but he adds nothing else. “That’s it? You took some jewelry when you were younger so she kicked you out and has refused to speak to you for five years?”

He leans to the right and then to the left and drags out the word when he says, “Weeeell, it was more than just a little jewelry. Apparently, what I took had been passed down for generations on her mother’s side and it meant a lot to her. When she confronted me about it, I was insensitive. I was a punk kid who was supporting a weed habit. We got into a huge fight and I left. Never went back.”

“You haven’t spoken to her since that happened?”

“No. We were never that close anyway.”

“Why did she forgive you tonight?”

“I told her my mother died and that I have nowhere else to go.” He pauses. “And I was able to track down one of the rings. I gave it to her and apologized. And it was sincere, because I really do feel bad for what I did. I think an apology is all she’s really wanted this whole time.”

Funny how Victoria needs apologies from people, but she’s never once apologized to any of us for tearing our family apart. “So now what?”

“I guess now I get to know my nieces and nephews.”

“Don’t call us that. It’s so weird.”

“Why is it weird?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I just don’t think I could ever look at you like an uncle.”

“Are you attracted to me?”

I scoff, and maybe even cringe a little. Luck is good-looking, and I would be lying if I said my head wasn’t heading in that direction earlier today, before I found out he was Victoria’s half brother. But now that I’m aware, there’s not an inkling of attraction there. I can’t even entertain it long enough to kid around with him. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

He laughs. “Easier said than done.”

I glance over at Honor and her boyfriend again. They’re both floating on their backs in the water, holding hands. It makes me wonder if there’s a difference between Honor and me when it comes to simple things like holding hands. Would I hold Sagan’s hand the same way? Do Honor and I kiss the same way? Would he even be able to differentiate between the two of us? Did he think the kiss with me at the fountain was different than all the other times he’s kissed her? Does he ever get us confused?

“Can you tell us apart?” I ask Luck.

He shakes his head. “Not really. But you’re both so different, it probably won’t take me long to be able to tell who is who.”

“How are we different? You’ve only known us a few hours.”

“I can just tell. You both give off different vibes. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. You just seem . . . more serious than her.”

“You mean she seems more fun than me.”

He looks at me pointedly. “Not at all what I said, Merit.”

“I know, but that’s the consensus. I’m the quiet, angry twin. She’s the outgoing, fun one.”

“I don’t know either of you well enough to make that determination yet.”

“Well, it won’t take you long to figure it out. And then Honor will be your favorite and you’ll hang out with her and Sagan and Utah and the four of you will become best friends.”

He nudges me with his shoulder. “Stop that. It’s unattractive.”

I laugh. “Good. You aren’t supposed to be attracted to your niece.”

“You keep that self-deprecating attitude up, you’ll have nothing to worry about.” He looks over at Honor. “You guys have odd names. What’s up with that?”

“Says the guy named Luck,” I reply. “What was your mother thinking?” As soon as I say it, I regret it. He’s probably still grieving her recent death and here I am bringing her up. “Sorry,” I mutter. “That was insensitive.”

“No worries. She was a terrible person. I haven’t seen her in years.”

“I thought you lived with her. And that’s why you came here, because she died.”

He raises a brow. “No, I told you that’s what I told Victoria. But I haven’t lived anywhere since Victoria kicked me out. Hopped on a bus to Canada to stay with a friend of mine. A few months and a fake ID later, I got a job on a cruise ship. Been doing that for the last five years.”

“You’ve been working on cruise ships?”

He nods. “I’ve been to thirty-six different countries so far.”

“That explains the sporadic accent.”

“Maybe so. I liked reinventing myself on every cruise. The work and routine were monotonous, so I would pretend to be someone different on every sail. I have about fourteen different accents nailed. It went on for so long, I get confused now when I try to talk normal.”

I stare at him for a moment, watching him watch the water. “You’re . . . interesting.”

He straightens his back and slaps his hands on his knees. “That’s one way to put it.” He hops out of the pool and stands up. “I’ll be back in a little while.” He grabs a towel, then walks out of the pool room with no further explanation. I watch until the door closes behind him. When I turn around, Sagan is the only one in the pool and he’s swimming toward me. I try to find something else to look at, but I just make myself feel more awkward. I force myself to make eye contact with him and try to ignore the sudden chaotic hammering of my pulse.

“Why aren’t you getting in?” he asks.

“I was talking to Luck.” I feel exposed not being in the water. I jump into the pool and allow myself to sink to the bottom before coming back up to face him. When I finally do break the surface, I push my hair back and open my eyes. Honor is walking out of the pool room.