“Okay, okay,” Hunter backtracked. “You and I both know sometimes the abused becomes the abuser. I was just making sure.”
Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that Hunter was only doing his job. He didn’t know Grant. He didn’t know that Grant seemed sad and wounded from the abuse, not outraged and vengeful like some abuse survivors. Like Logan Barberi.
“Every family is different, Sophie. We each have our own albatross to bear. You weren’t ‘whining’ about your problems, and they’re not insignificant. You have every right to feel hurt, angry, and abandoned by your father. It sounds like you and he both have made some mistakes.” He looked at her kindly. “Would you like to talk about it?”
She twisted her hands in her lap. “I just wanted my dad to …” She glanced at the aquarium. “To be proud of me. I know he was disappointed he didn’t have a son. All the miscarriages really took it out of my parents, I guess.”
“How many times did your mother miscarry?”
“Four.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, I was her fifth pregnancy. The doctors told her it was her last.”
“They must have been thrilled when you were born. How do you think those miscarriages affected their parenting?”
“I think it made my mom super overprotective. She was always scared something bad might happen to me. And when it did …” Sophie trailed off, remembering her mother’s devastation at her sentencing hearing. “I suppose it was too much for her.”
Instead of chastising her once again for blaming herself for her mother’s death, Hunter asked, “And your father? How did the miscarriages affect him?”
“He seemed happy that he finally had a kid, though I wasn’t the boy he always wanted. I tried to play with the construction toys he bought me, I tried to learn all the White Sox players’ names when he took me to games, but it never seemed like enough. He’s just kind of a cold man.”
“He disapproved of you?”
Sophie nodded.
“Did you argue a lot?”
“Not really—I was a good kid. Well, until my senior year of high school, that is. I started dating one of Dad’s employees, Derek Bowden.”
Hunter noticed her smirk.
“I met him when I visited my dad’s office one afternoon. My dad had suspended Derek from the job site, forcing him to work at a desk after he’d shown up drunk one day. My dad was stuck on a phone call, so I struck up a conversation with Derek, and I was shocked by his honesty—he told me outright that he hated my dad. I remember saying, ‘You do know I’m his daughter, right?’ and he replied, ‘Of course, beautiful, but you seem way too nice to rat me out.’ I liked him immediately.”
“You sure found a way to stick it to your dad, huh?”
She gave him an impish grin.
“How old was Derek?”
“Twenty-five.” Hunter’s eyebrows shot up, and Sophie continued, “Dad went ballistic.”
“I bet. You were only eighteen.”
“He ordered me not to talk to Derek, but I thought I was in love.” She rolled her eyes. “My mom and dad yelled at me nonstop about it.”
Hunter tilted his head to the side. “That must have been a nice diversion from yelling at each other.”
Sophie looked puzzled. “Huh?”
“You said your parents fought constantly, and that your mom would complain to you about your dad all the time. So for them to yell at you instead—well, maybe that’s what you secretly wanted.”
She sat perfectly still on the sofa, absorbing his insight.
“What ended up happening between you and Derek?” Hunter asked.
“After he got fired for failing a drug test, things kind of faded between us. I realized he was a loser. Then I went off to college.”
“So,” Hunter ventured tentatively. “Have you dated other older men?”
She glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’?”
Frowning, Sophie realized she could not get much past this shrink. “I had a huge crush on my professor in grad school,” she admitted. Her blush deepened when she divulged, “He was married.”
“Did anything happen between you two?”
“Of course not. And that was the only older man I’ve been attracted to besides Derek, so whatever case you’re trying to make for me seeking a father-figure boyfriend, you can flush down the toilet. The whole I-never-got-my-father’sapproval-so-I’m-searching-for-a-daddy-husband thing just doesn’t apply to me.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Wasn’t Logan Barberi older than you?”
“Well, yeah. He was about six years older than me, but it’s not really that unusual for a twenty-eight-year-old woman to be involved with a thirty-four-year-old man.”
“Logan was a bad boy, though, wasn’t he?” Hunter pressed. “Just like Derek. And it was quite illicit for you to have sex with him since he was your psychotherapy client.”
“What’s your point?” she challenged.
“Why don’t you tell me?” he challenged back.
“Arghhh! You’re infuriating! You’re making me do all the work! I should tell Jerry to have the DOC withhold your payment for this session.”
“Sucks, doesn’t it? Your cruel psychologist is making you think for yourself so the insights will have more meaning. What a jerk.”
Her temper tantrum subsiding, Sophie flashed him a beguiling smile. She was imminently likable, even when she was frustrated as hell.
With a loud sigh, she plowed ahead. “Your point is that it was not surprising how I fell for Logan. When I couldn’t get approval from my dad, no matter how hard I tried, I decided negative attention from him was better than no attention. So, I rebelled and chose male partners to intentionally piss him off: older men, bad boys.”
She felt close to tears as she continued. “I was trying to show my dad that he didn’t have any control over me, that his approval didn’t matter to me.”
Hunter was impressed. He couldn’t have said it better himself. “Well done. I retract my earlier snarky comment that perhaps it was a good thing you lost your license. I think you would have made an excellent psychologist.”
His compliment caused her emotions to erupt, and tears began sliding down her face.
“I guess your father’s approval does matter to you,” said Hunter. “As much as you don’t want to care.”
She nodded, sniffing and plucking a few tissues from the box on the coffee table.
“I guess we also know why you haven’t called your father, then?” he added. “You’re afraid he’ll reject you again?”
She gave her answer by crying harder. Hunter let her sob for a while, her tears indicating they had arrived at the heart of the matter.
Softly he told her, “I have one more thing to add to your brilliant insights about what led to your mistake with Logan. It seems like trying to piss your dad off wasn’t the only reason you fell for Derek and Logan. They both sound like very troubled men—both struggling with addictions of some sort. You said Logan was abused, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Derek was too. But instead of their troubles repelling you, they actually attracted you. You wanted to help them.”
“It’s true.” She nodded. “I was trying to help Derek to stop drinking.”