“Oh . . . um . . . what the hell?” I said.
He walked up to Helen standing at the counter, wrapped his arms around her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder like they were a comfortable married couple. “Morning,” he said to me.
“Morning,” I replied, dumbfounded. “When did . . . I’m so confused.”
Helen smiled. “We were on the phone late last night and I was like, what the heck, come over.”
“Do you live near here?” I asked him, still in shock.
“About two hours away.”
“That’s not near here. You drove two hours in the middle of the night?”
“Totally worth it,” he said, instantly. Helen giggled.
“I don’t understand anything anymore,” I said as I walked toward the door to leave for work. “Have fun, you guys.” They didn’t respond because they were already sucking face in the kitchen.
* * *
ON MY BREAK at work, I checked my phone and saw a new text from Seth. It was a screen shot of the Lake Elsinore Storm’s game schedule.
I laughed and then dialed his number.
He answered by saying, “So you’re coming to every game, right?”
“Why don’t we start with Saturday?”
“I have a game tonight, though. What will I do without my talisman?”
“Keep your eye on the ball.”
“Good advice. Are you working?”
“Yes, I work at a restaurant. More like a diner, actually.”
“Sweet. I’ll have to come in sometime.”
“So Roddy was at our apartment this morning,” I said.
“I know. He really likes Helen.”
“I guess Match.com works in mysterious ways.” I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that we were supposed to be on a date, and nothing had really happened for us, but he smoothed it out before I could even say anything.
“I like to take things slow,” he said in a sincere voice.
“That’s unusual for a guy.”
“Not when he’s tired of being single,” he said.
“I don’t understand.”
“I mean, I don’t know how to put this without sounding kind of arrogant but—”
I got where he was going with the conversation. “Getting laid is easy for you, is that what you were going to say?”
“Well, there’s this group of women who come to the games.”
“You have groupies?”
“Sort of.”
“They must know you’re on Match.com,” I said.
“I did some mild Instagram stalking of you to make sure you weren’t one of them. There’s a necessary screening process before I date anyone.”
I laughed. “And I passed the screening?”
“I did question that photo of you at the fair wearing a cow costume.”
“Oh yeah, that. I worked as a cow at the LA County Fair last year,” I said. I failed to mention that I was also a giant Hello Kitty that stood outside the Sanrio store at the mall. I almost died of a heatstroke because of the costume’s improper ventilation. I’ve had a lot of jobs. Sanrio paid my medical bills, so that was good.
“Do you still have the cow costume?”
“No, I had to give it back.”
“Bummer,” he said.
“I know.” Jon-Jon was glaring at me from behind the pie case. “Well, I have to get back to work. Not everyone can be a major-league baseball player.”
He chuckled. “It’s just the minors.”
“See, I would have known that if I were a groupie.”
“They’re called Storm Chasers.”
“Shut up.”
“I swear to god.” There was a second of silence. “I’ll let you go. Can I call you after my game?”
“Sure.”
Helen came in just before her shift started. She walked up to me in the side station and said very nonchalantly, “He asked me to move in with him.”
“Excuse me. What?”
“Yeah, he asked me to move in with him.” Her eyes darted to the ceiling and then to the floor before coming to rest on her fidgeting hands.
“What kind of person asks a woman to move in with him after one night? What did you tell him, Helen?”
“I told him yes.”
“Are you out of your mind? You have seriously lost it. You met Roddy less than twenty-four hours ago, you psycho!”
She finally made eye contact. “I know, but I really like him.”
“This is wild. Even for you, Helen.”
“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just move out.”
“Well, don’t expect to have a room in my apartment waiting for you if your little experiment blows up in your face.” I started to walk away. I was so pissed.
“You’re such a great friend, Charlotte,” she snickered. “Just because you wouldn’t do it, it’s impossible for you to be happy for me?”
I turned around. “I think you’re making a mistake. That’s all. And I can’t afford your half of the rent while you play house with Roddy, whom you met less than twenty-four hours ago!” I glared at her.
“You said that already.”
I stomped my foot. “You don’t even like baseball.”
“I do now,” she said defiantly.
“Well, I guess we’ll see each other at the games then.” I headed back into the kitchen and into the walk-in refrigerator to look for mayonnaise.
“Wait, Charlie. I’m not moving out today.” Helen followed me in. I was standing precariously on a keg trying to reach the mayo on the top shelf. Helen was a bit taller than me and had longer arms. “Let me do that,” she said.
“No! I have to learn to do things without you now.” When I started to lose my balance, she braced my legs. “I got this, Helen!”
I jumped down with the mayo in hand and headed for the door.
Why did things have to change?
“Can we talk,” she said as she blocked the exit.
“It’s freezing in here. We’re in a refrigerator.”
“Is that why you’re being so cold to me?”
Just then Luc, the pie guy, walked in to get something. “Charelette and Huh-leen, hello.”
“It’s Helen and Charlotte, Luc. You’ve been in this country long enough to know how to pronounce our names.”
Helen was still very resentful. The walk-in was not a good place for her to be face-to-face with Luc. They had had sex in there, like, fifty times.
She was glaring at him as he searched for the butter.
“Let’s get out of here, Helen.”
“Fine.” Once in the kitchen, she said, “You should go to the game tonight.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you want to see Seth?”
“I can wait,” I said.
“That’s the thing with you. You’re always waiting. Waiting until something lands in your lap.”
“I’m not going to stalk him. I don’t want to seem desperate. You do whatever you want, but you have to understand that what’s going on with you is not normal for most people.”
“It’s because you’re insecure,” Helen said.
“Quit fucking insulting me! It’s because I don’t even know if I like Seth yet.”
“You slept with Adam after knowing him for five minutes.”
“This isn’t about sex. And Adam was different.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then why don’t you go look for him?”
“I’m done talking about this, Helen. Go to the game, I’ll cover you. Move in with Roddy, I don’t care. Do whatever you want, but you need to give me a month’s rent to find someone to take your room.”