“How do you not know ‘All I Want for Christmas’?” Vanessa asks, but not unkindly, just genuinely curious. “It is all that’s on the radio, like, ever.”
I shrug. I don’t know how I don’t know. And that’s almost as embarrassing as the not knowing. I hate how they’re all staring at me. I wonder if this is a trick, a mean trick, like in that horror movie where they invite that girl to prom just to throw pig’s blood on her. I don’t think Eliza would do that, but then I didn’t think Heather Parker was going to dump a jug of sweet tea on me either.
“Well, get up here, you silly thing, and we’ll teach you,” says Eliza, grinning at me, asking me to trust her, and I’m filled with a certainty that this isn’t a trick, that Eliza really is my friend, and the certainty is so snug and warm, it’s like she’s wrapped me up in a fluffy blanket.
It doesn’t take long for me to learn the song. Soon I’m linking arms with the other girls and laughing so hard at one of Annie’s stories that I fall into a heap on the beanbags with Vanessa, Vanessa who was so unwelcoming to me, and now the two of us are curled up next to each other, clutching our sides and shaking with laughter. And I’ve been missing this and I didn’t know. Because I never had this with April. Never had this, not with Monica or Aaron or even Marcus.
Never been a part of something before.
Some of the other girls are drinking sparkling wine out of plastic Champagne flutes, but I don’t even try a sip of anything. Nobody pressures me. One of the girls gets out a deck of playing cards and they teach me to play a complicated game with hand slapping that I’ve never played. They say I need to learn all the card games before the training weekend in Hilton Head.
“What training weekend?” I ask.
“After the season officially kicks off and it gets warmer, Coach Kerry takes us all to Hilton Head and we camp out on the beach and run all day in the sand, and it’s hard as hell but amazing at the same time, especially because we can go cool off in the ocean, and it’s just the best weekend ever,” Vanessa gushes as she refills her plastic flute, bubbles spilling out over the top.
“It really is,” Eliza agrees, her arm around Annie’s waist. No one here seems surprised about the two of them. They must already know. No one seems bothered. I’m starting to get the feeling that team trumps everything else. Doesn’t matter who you’re into or what you look like or how much money your family has. I think someone could show up with two heads, but if they could run fast and joined the team, they’d get along just fine.
Most of us stay up till the sun rises, and only then, when the light is starting to stream in the big windows, do I grab a couple of the beanbags and make myself a little nest.
Eliza puts a blanket over me. “Good night, Wing. I’m glad you came.”
“Me too,” I say, and I hope she knows what I’m really saying is thank you for inviting me. Thank you for making me feel like I’m a part of the team.
Like I’m a part of something. Like I belong.
CHAPTER 34
It’s strange being back at school after Christmas break. I have a new routine with new friends and a new place to sit at lunch. I smile at Aaron in the halls, not shying away, and I can hear the whispers about me for the first time, ever, without caring. There are bigger things to worry about than what someone is whispering about you.
I’m finally getting used to Marcus not being here. I’m not expecting to see him come out of a classroom with his arm slung around Monica, laughing, smiling, glowing, making everyone look at him without even trying.
The pain in my heart has started to scab over. It’s still there but duller now. Not screaming for my attention all the time. I guess it knows it doesn’t need to; it knows I know it’s always there.
I’m becoming someone else other than Marcus’s little sister, and the strangest thing of all is that I want to.