When I get home, I let myself in quietly so Granny Dee doesn’t know I’ve cut class. The vacuum and the television are both blasting in the living room, so it’s easy for me to slip up the stairs and into the cloister of my bedroom.
I crawl into bed and will myself to sleep, craving the comfort of my dreams. My mom comes in at some point, and I tell her I don’t feel well, that I don’t want dinner. She puts her hand on my forehead and kisses the top of my head and lets me go back to sleep.
I’m dreaming of running when something jolts me awake. My digital clock is blinking red. 3:18 a.m. Next to my clock, my dragon is staring at me, unblinking. She leans forward, her neck long and graceful, and presses her nose to mine. It’s surprisingly cold, for a dragon. And smooth, like silk made solid.
She puts one wing around me, the heaviness of it enveloping me like a cloak, and pulls me toward the edge of the bed.
Then she flaps her wings once, making wind rush against my face. It feels the way the wind does in my dreams. I want to feel that wind.
I roll off the bed, moving like I’m still in a dream. Maybe I am. My lioness is under my bed, and she presses herself against my legs, moving me toward the door. Down the hall, through the kitchen out the front door, and then…
I’m suddenly, so suddenly I don’t even remember getting here, back at the school track.
It’s eerie at night. The only sound is the scream of the cicadas and the occasional car going by. I don’t know if I’m allowed to be here… It sure as hell isn’t safe. This thought occurs to me with a sharp clarity, but it’s overridden by what my feet and legs want to do. Then I’m on the track, and it’s like I’m asleep again. I shut my brain down and let my body do what it wants, and what it wants to do is run.
My feet start slowly at first, one step, then another, one foot in front of the other, and it isn’t like it is in my dreams, it takes effort, and this is how I know I must be awake, that I really am down on the track in the middle of the night. And with my dragon on one side and my lioness on the other, I stretch my legs out, and as my feet hit the track, heel-toe, heel-toe, the wind is in my face, just like in my dreams, and my dragon takes off, flying low above my head, just out of reach, and my lioness is going faster, daring me to go faster. I can, I know I can, and the feeling takes over, and I’m vaguely aware of the sound of my feet hitting the dirt track, of the jolt that goes up my body every time my feet connect with the ground, and then I’m going faster, faster. My legs know what to do. I’m going so fast I’m sure I’ll spin out of control. My body won’t be able to keep up with my feet. I’m going so fast I’ve got vertigo, the way I used to when I ran downhill as a kid, but no, I’m going faster than that. It’s like I’m biking down a hill. Gravity is taking over, but the track is flat and it isn’t gravity, it’s me, it’s me, I’m pulling and pushing myself at the same time, I’m the force. I don’t think I’ve run like this since I was little. I don’t think I’ve ever run like this. And all I want is to go faster.
Faster.
Round and round and round the track, my thoughts flying as fast as my feet, the night air slapping me in the face with every turn, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gone round and I sense some sort of invisible barrier in front of me but I’m sick of barriers and I’m going to break through this. Drawing on something inside, I find that I can push harder and I feel myself tearing through that barrier. It shatters all around me, and I come through it and it’s like I’ve entered some new realm of sheer bliss because if I thought I was flying before I am soaring now.
I feel like I could go for ever, but at some point the stars have dimmed and the sky has gone from black to purple to pink and I don’t want to get caught down here. I don’t want anyone to see me. And now that I’ve stopped running, it all catches up to me. My limbs are trembling all over and I can barely stand and my throat is parched and I don’t know why I didn’t bring water. Probably because I never meant to be out here, running alone.
My dragon and my lioness are nowhere to be seen. They’ve disappeared somewhere I can’t follow. I collapse on the grass next to the track and let my body slow down, one part at a time. My lungs expand, my heart thumps, my feet ache. I’m more aware of my body than I’ve ever been. I lie there, staring at the lightening sky, and all the thoughts I left behind when I was running come rushing in, now that I’m still. And one thought is the loudest.
Marcus.
I haven’t thought about Marcus all night. The realization is like a punch in the stomach, but at the same time I’m grateful. I feel lighter.
I have to run again.
CHAPTER 13