I swallowed, making him wait for my answer. “When are they not talking about me? I’m the half-breed bastard turned Ender. I’m the blemish and blight on our family tree, if you recall.”
Raven shook his head, reached across the table and took a hunk of fresh cheese off my plate. I glowered at him in mock anger.
“That was before what happened with Keeda.” He popped the cheese into his mouth and chewed while his words settled around me.
The sweet taste of the peach’s juice turned to dust in my mouth, and I struggled with the second bite. Guilt roared through me like a lion unleashed on unsuspecting prey. “What are you talking about?”
He leaned forward, his blue eyes intense as they bored into mine. “They know what you did to her. They don’t know how, I don’t know how. But they know the way she is . . . you did it. And it scares them. Elementals do stupid things when scared, you know that.”
The peach rolled out of my suddenly numb fingers, and dropped to the table. I lowered my hands to my thighs, gripping the fabric of my pants. “What . . . are they saying exactly?”
“That you broke her mind. That you are some sort of freak because of your half-breed status. There are rumors coming from the Pit that maybe . . . maybe you aren’t half human like we always thought. Maybe your mom was a—” His mouth clicked shut and his face paled at a rather alarming rate. Perspiration beaded his upper lip as he gripped the edge of the table.
Raven was afraid of me.
“What do you think she was? A goblin?” The words were light, but the tension between us was anything but.
“A Spirit Elemental,” he breathed out.
There, the words were finally in the open. I didn’t deny them, seeing as my mother was exactly what he thought.
“Are you talking to the others? To Vetch and Briar?” I made myself say the words, and to not cringe as I spoke them. Raven was one of two siblings I was close with. He was of an age that Bramley—my brother, who Cassava had killed—would have been. Raven always stood with me, tried to help soften the cruelty of his mother and our other siblings. With the recent changes in Bella’s relationship with me, he was no longer the only one I could truly call a friend as well as a sibling. But the thought that he was afraid of me burned a hole straight through my heart. “Raven, please tell me you aren’t afraid, too.”
Clutching the table, he slowly shook his head. “I don’t know what to believe. Vetch says the information about Keeda came from someone he trusted. Someone who had no reason to lie to him. And now your reaction confirms the truth in it. If you would hurt her, one of the weakest siblings, what would you try to do to the rest of us?”
Goose shit and green sticks, I was my own worst enemy. “So Vetch, Briar, and you have been discussing whether I’m dangerous to you?”
“And Bella,” he said softly, his eyes flicking downward.
If he had taken one of the carving knives and jammed it into my stomach, I’m not sure it would have hurt any more than the sharp pain his words cut into me.
“Bella wouldn’t,” I spat out, pushing back from the table. Whatever appetite I had was gone.
“It’s not like that, Lark. She . . . she’s the ruler right now; she has to know the mood of her people. And like it or not, any of our siblings could be in line for the throne. Bella is being smart; she needs to keep her fingers in every discussion she can. Particularly when it comes to our siblings.”
I didn’t want her to be smart. I wanted her to tell them they were horrible and that she trusted me even though I had to make tough choices. She of all the people in my life knew the truth of what happened to Keeda in the Pit.
Thinking she was about to become the new queen of the Pit, Keeda had attacked me. Wearing a disguise, I’d thought her to be my stepmother, Cassava. I’d used everything at my disposal to stop her, including my untrained, and wildly unpredictable, ability with Spirit.
In doing so, I’d burned out my sister’s mind, taking away her personality and memories, along with most of her ability to speak—everything that made her an Elemental. The grief and horror of my actions were raw, oozing like an infection I couldn’t heal.
Anger cut through the weaker emotions. Belladonna knew I had had no choice but to stop Keeda the way I had. Damn her for turning on me.
Peta dug into my bare shoulder, jabbing me with her tiny—yet ridiculously sharp—claws. “Don’t be a fool. They are wary with reason.”
The anger slid out of me with a slow exhale. She was right, as was so often the case. “Please don’t be afraid of me. Please. I promise I would never hurt you. You’re my favorite brother.”
A tentative smile crept over his lips, curling up more on one side than the other. “I believe you. I’ll try to sway Vetch and Briar, but they are scared. Terrified, actually, if I am honest.”
“Fear makes people do stupid things,” I said, repeating his words. “What do you think they are planning?”