Leaning toward her, he lowered his voice. “I don’t want her to need me. I want her to want me.”
Peta put her face so close to his he could feel the breath from her mouth. “Desire is not enough. Love is not enough. She will chose the mate who understands her and can help her through the trials she will face. You are not that one.”
Anger snapped through him and with it the Fire in his blood heated. “I am.”
“You’re not.” She let out a sigh and shook her head. “Go away, Prick. You are not needed here.”
The desire to lash out curled through him and he stepped back toward the forest and away from the barracks. Having Lark see him like this, angry and on the verge of losing control, was not what he wanted. All because of a few words that scared him, and made him think perhaps Peta was right.
He strode away from the barracks. “Stupid cat. You’re wrong. I know you are.”
Yet, he doubted, and in the doubt he wondered if he was chasing a ghost of the girl he’d known. A memory he’d let grow into a fantasy that didn’t mesh with reality.
What if Peta was right?
What if Lark didn’t love him?
CHAPTER 6
jerked out of his memory as we popped through to Bismarck, but the emotions it stirred in me would not leave. Breathing hard, I fought the desperation and loneliness that bled through his memory into my heart. I closed my eyes and tried not to think, tried not to feel the guilt of not loving him the way he wanted me to.
“Hey, you okay there, princess?” He leaned over me, far closer than he should have. I opened my eyes and the blue sky was replaced with green eyes and his trademark grin.
“Yes, I’m fine. And don’t call me that. I’ve never been a princess, and wouldn’t want the title even if it were offered to me.” I pushed on his chest and he gave me some room. In his white T-shirt, jeans, and dark shoes he looked . . . human. I, on the other hand, looked like what I was—an Ender. But I trusted Ash. If he thought I could get away with looking a little different, then that’s what I was doing.
Thoughts of Ash brought the guilt back up in a roll not unlike nausea. I forced the guilt away and stood. I would not feel bad for loving Ash. Peta gave me a nod of approval.
“Why did you really come with me?” I stared at Cactus and he stared back. His face softened.
“I know you love him. I know you love me. I want to show you I fit in your life, Lark. That I’m good for you. The only way to do that is to be here. To be where I should have been all these years. At your side.”
My throat tightened, my ears rang, and I knew he was telling the truth as he saw it. I didn’t think, though, that he’d be happy with what the end result was going to be.
Peta broke the moment. “Let’s find this Reader. Do you know where in Bismarck she is?”
I shook my head as Cactus nodded. “How do you know?”
He grinned. “Griffin gave me something call an add-dress.” He held up a slip of paper.
I took it from him. “He wasn’t supposed to, was he?”
“No. But he pointed out we’d probably waste a lot of time looking for the Reader, and apparently he thinks you might try to stall for some reason.”
Embarrassed, I stared at the paper.
“Are you stalling?” His words were soft and gentler than I thought I deserved.
I looked up from the paper and made myself hold his gaze. “I don’t know. I . . . my father needs us to find him. The Rim needs us to find him. Bella needs us to find him.” I paused, took a breath and spit the rest out. “But I don’t know what I want.”
Oh, those words were hard to admit. Cactus nodded. “So we take our time. I don’t mind in the least.” He reached out, took my hand, and wove his fingers through mine.
Exactly as I’d done with Ash. I didn’t pull away, though. I stared at our locked hands. “Cactus, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I trust you to make the right choice.”
Worm shit. I did pull my hand away then, and looked again to the paper with the add-dress.
The words really meant nothing to me—some numbers, 569—with a single word, Smith. To a human they probably made sense. I looked around. Where was a human when you needed one? They were usually like ants, swarming about and all but climbing over one another, there were so many.
We were at the edge of a large square building with a pole in front with a flag on top. The flag was covered in stripes and stars in the corner. I rather liked the look of it.
“Maybe someone lives in this box.” I took a few steps toward a double set of doors set into the box, and an alarm went off, screeching through the air like a flock of harpies gone mental. I slapped a hand to my side for my spear.
Peta leapt to my shoulder. “Nothing is wrong. This is a way for the humans to tell time.”
The shrieking ended as suddenly as it had begun and I lowered my hands. “Why do they not look at the sun’s passage? Why do they need a shrieking siren to tell them the time?”
What was wrong with them?