She slipped her fingers between his. “I was pretty upset out there earlier.” She compressed her lips for a moment, holding his blue gaze. “Looking back on it now, and how tired I am and you must be, I think we need to not act on what I wanted.”
“A wise decision,” Reese said thickly, wanting nothing more than to bed this woman, love the hell out of her, let her know just how beautiful she was to him. Shay needed a man’s love. A man who could reflect just how good a woman she really was. And that she came first in a man’s life, not second or last. “I know you were upset. We all say things we don’t mean.”
She gave him a strange look. “I meant what I said, Reese. Do you think I didn’t?” Her voice grew scratchy with disbelief.
His heart started a slow pound. “Shay, as much as I want you, you know what went on in my marriage. I struck my wife when I was caught up in a nightmare. Nothing has scared me as much, not even combat, compared to hitting Leslie like that.” He hesitated, looking down at their hands. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, too. I couldn’t live with that. I really couldn’t.” He saw sympathy come to her eyes, saw the softening of the line of her mouth. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. That’s not it at all.”
“So you want a relationship with me and at the same time you’re afraid you’ll harm me?”
“That’s it, Shay.” He studied her luminous eyes, which reflected her desire for him. She didn’t see the wall standing between them, as he did. “Look,” he pleaded huskily, “we’re both whipped. Let’s table this conversation until another time.”
“You’re right,” Shay whispered, easing her hand from his. “Just the same,” she said, standing, “thanks for being there for me today, Reese. Good night . . .”
Reese nodded and remained sitting, gripping his tea mug. The urge to stand, kiss her senseless, nearly overwhelmed him. “I’ll see you at 0500,” he said, strain in his tone . . .
Maybe learning to break old patterns with her father was having added benefits. She was trying to be realistic about their relationship, as well. He couldn’t conceive of any woman wanting him in bed at night, possibly becoming his punching bag. Yet, the stubborn look in Shay’s eyes served to put Reese on warning. She wasn’t willing to let their own blossoming relationship be put aside. Judging from her expression, she wasn’t going to wait long, either.
Watching Shay move, the way her hips swayed as she walked to the kitchen sink, made him feel hot and needy. As tired as he was, Shay turned him inside out by just the way she walked. And how many times had he dreamed of running his hands down that lush, strong body of hers?
Swallowing hard, Reese watched her disappear down the hall. He wanted to get up and follow her and take a shower with her. How many times had he imagined making love to Shay and hearing soft sounds of pleasure catch in her throat? Reese knew he could love Shay well.
His brows fell and he stared down into the empty cup cradled in his hands. He could love her. He could pleasure Shay. He knew he could help rebuild her fractured self if they were in a long-term relationship.
But what about afterward? What would happen when he fell asleep at her side? Would the nightmares and flashbacks return? Would he get ensnared within it and lash out, striking her? Maybe kill her by accident? He grimly studied his large hands, knowing the physical strength he possessed. Knowing that it could be inadvertently used against Shay. The last thing she needed was to be hurt by him. She’d been hurt enough by her father. He didn’t want to be another man in her life doing it again.
Rubbing his mouth, Reese sat back, unsure what to do. His heart tugged powerfully in his chest, wanting Shay. Loving her. And yes, he bitterly admitted, he was falling in love with this brave woman vet. Her passion for wounded vets totaled him, in the best of ways. She was wounded herself, but that didn’t stop her from pursuing her dream of helping vets like himself. And for that, he owed her. He wanted to give her his heart. But the baggage . . . the awful baggage gained in combat, came with him, too.
Could he love her, and protect her from himself at the same time?
Chapter Twenty
Shay battled back tears as a huge, triumphant cry went up when the arena was fully enclosed by its new roof. It was late Sunday afternoon, in the high seventies, all the work crews shouting, slapping one another on the back and congratulating one another. On the roof of the arena, the men and women of the crew stood, lifting their arms above their heads, yelling out in victory. Their job was completed!
She stood with Reese just outside the barn, glad for his closeness. He turned and smiled over at her. “You did it,” he told her, satisfaction in his low voice.
Absorbing his pride, she managed a wobbly smile, trying not to cry. “This means so much . . . and it’s not just for me, Reese. It’s for all of us.”
“Well,” Reese said, touching her shoulder for a moment, “it was your vision. Your idea. All we did was follow up with the details of how to get it done.”