“God,” Shay whispered, her hand against her throat, grief in her expression, “that had to be so terrible for both of you . . . to lose so many friends all at once that you’d known for so long.”
Kira wrestled with all her grief, her loss. “It lives in me every day, Shay. Three years of my life were with those guys. Every one of them was a stand-up man. They were good men who did good things for the people of the village we lived in.” She compressed her lips, hanging her head and closing her eyes, trying not to cry. Shay was so kind and caring that it made it easy for Kira to talk with her, to allow her feelings to surface. General Ward had been right: Shay Lockhart was a true, maternal, loving type of woman. And it was something she’d missed so much, no longer having her own mother in her life. At the same time, Kira knew her top secret life in the Army had to remain as such.
“Listen,” Shay said softly, “I’m here for you, Kira. I understand what top secret means, but it doesn’t stop you from talking to me about your feelings. We all need someone to lean on when trauma happens in our lives. If you ever want to unload, come and see me.”
Warmth cascaded through Kira as she lifted her head and met Shay’s kind blue gaze. “Yes, maybe in time. I need to prove my worth around here, first.”
“I’m sure you will. I’m here for you, Kira. Just remember that. Okay?”
Kira heard men’s voices drifting down the hall, honing in on Garret’s deep voice. She heard laughter between the men and then the heavy, thunking sound of Garret’s boots striking the cedar floor, coming in their direction. Her stomach knotted. Her heart started a slow pound, adrenaline leaking into her bloodstream. What was she going to say to Garret once they were alone? What was he going to say to her? Or do? Her mouth became dry and Kira seesawed between heaven and hell. She felt so tentative, so unsure about Garret. How did he feel about her? She honestly didn’t know except that he was always her friend on the team. But so was every other man.
*
Garret pulled a hard rein in on his emotions. He’d been Special Forces for a long time and knew that emotions, when uncontrolled, could lead to people getting killed. As he drove Kira in the truck over to the house, he felt trapped. He had nowhere to run and hide from the past, now. He’d fallen hopelessly in love with Kira from almost the moment she joined their team, and suppressed it, not allowing it to surface.
Now, he felt gut-punched. Kira was a brutal reminder of his past and that firefight that he’d buried so damn deep within himself. He’d struggled to make sure it never surfaced again. Now, with her beside him, going to be a part of his life twenty-four hours a day, he felt scared and unsure. Garret was shocked by how she looked. Kira used to be strong, vibrant, and darkly tanned. Her smile had been constant, her teasing not hurtful, but infectious. The children of the village adored her and called her “mother” in Pashtun. She was a hard worker, a team person, someone every man could count on. He’d helplessly fallen in love. And he thought he’d lost her. But she was sitting beside him. Right now. The violent need for her, to pull her into his arms, crush her against him, feel her woman’s body and heat, savagely tore through Garret. He was wrestling with the fear of the past rising up to overwhelm him, along with his powerful yearning to hold, kiss, and love Kira until they melted into one another. What the hell was he going to do?
His mouth thinned as he drove slowly around the ranch house and down the newly created road that passed in front of all four houses, which sat about fifty feet apart from one another. Snow glittered like diamonds across the covered tops of the dark green, steeply sloped metal roofs. Already, last night’s snowfall had slid off the roof, keeping the excessive weight from putting stress on the structure. His gloved hands opened and closed around the wheel as he tried to figure out how to handle this situation. What had led him to say it was all right that Kira could live under his roof? What the hell was wrong with him? She’d be a raw, constant reminder of everything he didn’t want to remember or feel.
What kind of sick, twisted life was he living since nearly dying? Chaos seemed to be part and parcel of Garret’s days since he awoke in Bethesda not even knowing his name. It took six months before everything suddenly downloaded and he had his complete memory back. Some of it, he wished fervently, hadn’t returned. The deaths of his ten friends haunted him without relief.