Wild Card (North Ridge #1)

Shane feeds my soul.

She squeezes my hand. “You know. I can see that you know. You don’t have to make a decision about it now, but eventually you will. And when you do, just remember what I asked. Just remember what you feel. Your soul is part of your heart and your heart is a part of the world. Who feeds your soul, feeds all of you and in turn you feed them back. And this funny little world rolls on and on and on.”

I manage to give her a smile. “You know, I wasn’t expecting all the self-examination.”

“You thought I would be the one to re-examine my life choices?” She rolls her eyes. “Please, I’m getting surgery, I’m not on my damn death bed.”

Then her features harden and she stares at me, serious. “But there is one thing I’d like to talk to you about before they wheel me away and start with the pain meds.”

“What?”

She takes in a deep breath. “I know one of the reasons that you’re struggling, why you’ve always struggled, is because you don’t have closure. And I’m not talking about your boy Shane. I’m talking…I’m talking about your father. He went to jail but he didn’t go to jail for what he should have. Granted, I’m sure he didn’t go for a lot of things he should have but the fact is…he tried to destroy us. And for a while he did. And I know that time has passed but I don’t want him to get away with it anymore.”

My heart starts to beat faster against my ribs. “I don’t want to see him.”

“You don’t have to see him. He’ll rot in prison for what he did to that boy but he should also be in there for what he did to you. And me. Now, I can’t and won’t make you do anything that you don’t want to do but, and it depends on how long you plan on staying, I want to press charges. When we get home, I’m going to file a police report against him. I won’t mention your name unless you want me to, I won’t do that without your permission baby girl, but I’m going to give a statement about what he did to me and I’m going to make sure it gets to him.”

Funny. Even just hearing her say that, as horrifying to even think about the past, the situations, what he did, the fact that she can still do something, that justice can still be served after all these years, that he won’t get away with it…the heaviest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m immediately lighter. Scared, but lighter all the same.

“I’ll do it,” I tell her, frightened and determined and bolstered all at once. “I’ll come forward and I’ll file. He’s gotten away with it for this long and I’m no longer ashamed of it. I want him to know he’s caught, that he didn’t destroy us like the way he tried. I want to do this. I’ll do it with you. Together.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, studying me.

“I’m sure.” I nod, again and again, each time with more conviction. “I’m more than sure. This needs to happen, for both of us. This is closure.”

“You’re damn right,” she whispers, kissing the back of my hand just as the door opens, Doctor Fielding peering at us.

“Are you ready, Vernalee?” he asks

She looks at me and smiles knowingly. “More than ever.”

She hands me the wishbone and I hold onto it as hard as I can without crushing it.

He wheels her away to surgery.

And I wait.





19





Shane





“Can’t sleep?” I ask as I approach the porch.

It’s past midnight and there’s a big ol’ full moon casting a silver sheen over the ranch. My father is sitting on the porch swing, a glass of whisky in his hands, staring out at the stars. For the first time in a long time, there’s a hint of coolness in the air, a promise that fall is around the corner. That, or more storms.

It always gets worse before it gets better.

He looks to me, shadowed in the magic light. “Nope. How about you?”

I shake my head, lean against the post. “I’ve texted Rachel but you know how our service is here. I’m not sure if they’re getting through. I know that if anything bad happened, she’d call.”

Because that’s what we’re both thinking, my dad more so than me. He’s worried sick about Vernalee, I can tell. He hasn’t said as much, but lately as I’ve become more aware of my love for Rachel, I’ve started seeing his feelings for her mother.

As for me, I’m worried about Vernalee but I’m missing Rachel fiercely. It burns inside my chest, not a longing anymore, but this desperate need to see her, to have her in my arms again. When she gets back I have to do what I can to convince her not to go and I’m not sure it will be enough.

“Why don’t you tell her how you feel?” I ask boldly.

My words hang in the air for a moment and I’m not sure if my father will just brush it away like he usually does.

Then he says. “Maybe I will.” His voice is softer than I’ve ever heard it. He clears his throat and sighs, looking back at the moon. They seem to have a staring contest with each other. “I should have told her before she left. I had the chance. I didn’t have the courage. I’m not brave like you.”

That catches me completely off-guard. “Brave?” I’ve never heard my father call me that before.

“Yeah, son. You’re brave. You know it too. We all know it. You can look any problem dead in the eye and do what needs to be done. And do so without ego. Without armor. I’ve seen you with Rachel, the way you’re nothing but open with her and that takes guts, son. Love takes guts. And you’ve got that in spades.”

I sigh and sit down on the porch steps, resting my head in my hands. “What good is love and guts if your love runs away in the end.”

“I don’t need to answer that,” he says. “You know it’s worth it. Worth it to have loved and lost than—”

“To have never loved before,” I fill in.

“No, you dolt,” he says gruffly. “Than to have loved and kept that shit to yourself until you died from it.”

I smile in the darkness. “I’m not sure that’s the saying, dad.”

“It’s a saying.” He takes a sip of his drink. “Anyway. You know what I mean. No one said loving someone is easy and Rachel has a boatload of issues that are only going to make things more difficult for you. That’s why when she pushes you away, you can’t walk away. You can’t give up. You have to keep at her. In reality, what you should have done is followed her to Toronto the moment she left and told her the truth. But you didn’t. I don’t know, maybe that was for the best. Maybe she needed to be on her own, far away from everyone else, a place she could reinvent herself and discover that she was more than what her father did to her.”

“When did you find out?”

“Vernalee told me. She told me everything one night. Cried her eyes out until she fell asleep on my shoulder. I’m not saying that Rachel doesn’t have the right to be angry and hurt by her momma, but Vernalee was a victim too. Both of them are, still. And it takes a special person to work with that. Luckily, I know you’re that kind of person.”