Wild Card (North Ridge #1)

She tries to walk off and I let her go. “Rachel, please. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” she says, going around the structure.

I watch as she disappears around the corner.

I lean my head back and stare up at the sky, trying to see if I have any of that boldness left in me. I know what I have to do. I think I’m just so afraid that it won’t change a fucking thing.

I take in a deep breath and set out after her.

I round the corner of the barn, and she’s standing right there with her back to me, staring at the ground.

A dead raven at her feet, looking like it’s only been dead for a few hours.

She glances at me over her shoulder with tears in her eyes.

“It was just lying here…” she starts. “What happened to it? It’s like it fell out of the sky.”

I grab her hand and pull her away from it. “It happens.”

“We should bury it,” she says.

“We should let nature take its course is what we should do.”

She shakes her head, takes her hand out of mine. “No. Not here. Not in this place.”

I watch as she starts looking around for something to dig with before she brushes past me and goes into the barn.

“Be careful,” I tell her, but she’s only in there for a few seconds before she comes out with what looks like a rusted hook.

She starts digging a grave.

I search for a suitable rock and then I start digging with her.

We bury the raven quickly, covering it with dirt.

She places a few wild daisies on the mound, then gives me a brave smile. “We should go back now.”

I agree. I want her to stay with me, afraid I might not get another chance to talk to her, be with her. But I know the moment is over.

I start out toward Polly, glancing back at the grave as I go.

I’m pretty sure Rachel was just trying to bury everything that we were to each other.



I awake to a knocking sound. For the longest time I thought it was in my dream, but now that my eyes are open, adjusting to the darkness of the room, it’s not.

I turn my head. The blinds are knocking against the window with each gust of wind that blows through.

Sometimes in the middle of summer we get these mean winds that come down through the mountain passes and don’t let up for a few days. Dusty, hot, and dry, these winds put everyone in town on edge. Fights break out at the Bear Trap more easily on those nights, and there are more sirens in the air. The horses are constantly cranky and the chickens don’t lay as many eggs.

I get out of bed, glancing at my clock that glows two a.m. as I go and pull up the blinds. Better that than closing the window in this heat.

That’s when I notice a figure out in the space between my house and the worker’s cottage, dressed in a white nightgown, long grey hair flowing behind her in the wind.

It could be a ghost. It wouldn’t be the first time I thought I’ve seen something unexplainable out here.

But it’s not a ghost at all.

It’s Vernalee.

I watch her for a few moments as she slowly walks through the knee-high grass, her back to me, and then throws her arms out to the wind, her nightgown billowing around her.

I want to give her space and privacy but at the same time I know she’s not well.

I slip on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and Vans and head out into the night.

The wind is dry and hot, ruffling my hair, making the grass sound like a symphony. I approach Vernalee carefully, realizing she might just be sleepwalking, and if that’s the case, I shouldn’t disturb her.

“Shane,” she says in a low voice.

I freeze as she slowly turns her head and looks at me over her shoulder. “Isn’t this beautiful?” she asks.

“What are you doing?” I come over to her.

She closes her eyes and smiles, face to the sky. “I’m finding my wings again. I think if I imagine it hard enough, I might just fly away.”

I think about that, looking over the town and the river and the dark peaks against a darker sky. The wind smells like smoke and heat and something from the past, swirling around us, anchoring me in this spot while Vernalee looks as if she’s about to take right off.

“Where would you go?” I ask, keeping my voice low, as if I could break the spell.

“I don’t know. Nowhere, I guess. I’d stay here. But it’s nice to have the option, isn’t it?” She opens her eyes and looks at me. “Would you ever go? Leave this place?”

I shake my head. “No reason to. Everything I need is right here.”

“Everything?” she asks, and there’s a knowing edge to her voice.

“Right now, yes. Everything.”

“And when she leaves?” She tilts her head, gives me a soft smile. “I know you’re still in love with her, Shane. You have to tell her.”

I look away, feeling my throat grow tight.

“And I don’t just mean tell her that you still love her,” she says. “Although it’s a start. You have to tell her everything. I know what you did, Shane, and I know why you did it.”

I glance at her sharply, and my knuckles burn with long-forgotten pain. She searches my face, and there’s no resentment or anger in her eyes—just a kindness that wells from somewhere deep.

“You’ve changed,” I manage to say.

She lets out a breathy laugh which leads into a cough. “I know. I had to. I couldn’t go on like I was. This cancer woke me up. It made me realize that there is an end for all of us and I didn’t want to invite it in. It made me realize I have a lot to live for, and for the last six years I haven’t been living. I think I died a little when Rachel left town. I know you did too. Have you been living, Shane?”

“No,” I say, my voice choking on the word. “I haven’t. I’ve put one foot in front of the other but I don’t think that’s enough to qualify.”

She sighs and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze with her bony fingers. “All that matters for the both of us is that we get second chances. I’ve done my girl wrong and that’s something I’ve never been able to forgive myself for. I don’t even think I should be forgiven. But I know in order to keep living, to get things right with her, it has to be the start. You, though, you know you have to tell her the truth about what happened.”

“How? Why? What difference can it make in her life? It won’t get her to stay here. Her life isn’t here anymore. She has a home and friends and a boyfriend. She has all she needs.”

“I don’t believe that. I don’t believe she has anything she needs. She needs you, Shane. She needs you to love her, to build a life with her. It’s always been you for her and her for you. Time goes on and mistakes happen and lies are told, but when you scratch a bit beneath all that, that’s where your truth is. I want Rachel to be happy and I know she’s not. And I know she would be with you. But you have to start fresh. Come clean.”

I take in a deep breath through my nose, my chest feeling small while the sky above seems to get wider. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You tell her what you did. You were trying to protect her. Lord knows I couldn’t. But that’s my cross to bear, my darkest sin. You were acting out of love and justice and no one can fault you for that.”