We stay like this for a minute or two, not speaking, just sharing the moment I’ve longed for ever since I arrived in this godforsaken place. Her memory and what we shared is my anchor to our reality. It’s what I know, and I need it to remain. I’ll fight to no end to protect her and that’s why I had to leave.
I rest my chin in her hair, inhaling the delicate aroma of sweet passion, heightened with longing affection. It’s hers alone and infused by our desire for one another. I slide my hand down her arm and stroke her, coaxing the tender purring sound she makes when she’s resting against me. I’m lost in memories of us when her soft voice breaks the silence.
“Roman, why did you leave me?”
She doesn’t raise her head, nor does she pull away. Her hand travels up and down my back, stroking it lovingly. I inhale deeply to gather my thoughts and coach myself into remaining in control as my senses are attacked by her scent. Desire is surging through me and having her so close doesn’t make it easier.
“I didn’t leave. Well, I did but not permanently. I had every intention of coming back but I couldn’t. I was trapped.”
She draws away slightly. Her gaze meets mine with concern. “You’re not trapped now. Why didn’t you come back?”
“Because I’m still trapped, and now, so are you.”
Putting more distance between us, she regards me, searching for answers. “I don’t get it.”
I nod and step closer. “You shouldn’t. This is all new to you.” I slide my hands down her arms and reach for hers. “I’m going to explain everything. I just need you to keep an open mind. I’ll answer any questions you have.”
Her lips are slightly parted, when I notice a slight tremble. She’s afraid of the unknown, and I get it. I want to comfort her in a way only I can.
“Winter, just know, regardless of what happens, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
She moves back in, her eyes wide and innocent, her lips full and soft. Pulling in her bottom lip, she moistens it. I imagine the feel of her tongue, and I’m finished. I can’t hold back any longer. I swoop in like a hawk and capture her mouth with my own. My tongue dances around her lips, licking and pushing to be let in. She resists at first and stiffens in my arms. Fear grips my heart. Had I moved in too soon, ruining any chance I might have of getting her to forgive me?
I’m conflicted and can feel the rend starting to tear through my heart at the thought of losing her. Emotions pander to my aggression. I love her; holding on to what we had is what’s kept me going. But now that she’s here, I have to face reality—there may be no more us. I should have been honest. A relationship can’t survive with secrets.
With desperate need, I close my eyes and suck her bottom lip into my mouth, savoring her taste as if this is the last time I’ll ever do so. It may very well be. I want to tell her everything…about me, about the mission. When I’m done, I only hope I won’t be left alone, licking my wounds.
Satisfied this is all I’ll get and more than I deserve, I pull back. But her arms curl around my neck and guide me back to her. Her tongue travels lightly against my skin to my ear, as she licks and sucks, teasingly tugging on my earlobe, sending intense spikes of heat down into my groin. It weakens me, and if anyone knows this, it’s Winter.
She tugs, rubbing my chest, and a growl escapes me. I throw her down onto the bed and loom over her. Her eyes sparkle with desire, her lips part as she invites me in. I don’t need to guess she wants me. I swoop in with my tongue devouring her, exploring every inch of her mouth.
I don’t think my penis has ever been this hard. Satisfying her is my desire, and I hope I can suppress my hunger long enough to fulfill her, over and over. But my need to be one with her is overwhelming.
Yearning need has encompassed us and nothing else matters. For now, everything else will have to wait.
Chapter Six
I don't know what’s gotten into me, all the hurt and pain of the past six months melt away with his touch and strumming of his heartbeat against my ear. The old familiar feelings are back, and I can't fight them, and I don't want to. I'm so full of emotions, I don't know my left from right, nor up from down. Call me dumb, stupid, na?ve or whatever. Hell, you can name it anything you like. I don't know what this force is that's driving me to shake off my doubts and suspicions about him, or to address what he’s been up to these past months. I’ll have my answers soon.
I convince myself I should trust him. The bus I was on was attacked by wild animals; we crashed. I could have died. I shouldn't be here but I am. Life is too short. And if all I have is today, I'm going to make it count.
Things are unclear—especially my role in all of this, but it feels serious. Serious enough to have Roman trailing deep off into thought in my arms. I can sense his fear for me, feel it emanating from him as he tries to shield me from the truth. He’s reluctant and being careful with his delivery. I love Roman; therefore, I'm resolved to accept my fate and live in the moment.
I also felt a different need in him, more potent than his fear. It matched my own. It was desire, he’d wanted me and the bulge in his pants said now. I’d wanted him too. The assault of his tongue against my mouth startled me at first. The need to resist him was strong but not strong enough. I stiffened, then relaxed. I'd missed him, his smell, touch, taste, the warmth of his eyes, that sparkle in his smile, and the deep caressing tone of his voice.
His body slumped a little. I knew he'd pull away, thinking I wasn’t interested. I’d smiled inside as I remembered how he used to be when we first got together. This was the stance he'd take when he wanted to make out but wondered if the feeling was mutual. I’d known if I didn't act fast, he’d shut down and the moment would be lost. I’d needed this, we needed this. My desires were as raw as his. Of their own free will, my palm had drawn circles on his firm torso, my fingers barely tracing the grooves.
I’d wanted to feel more of him, be consumed by him. I knew I was playing a dangerous game with my heart, but I couldn't help it. I was addicted. From the way he’d responded, he might be a little addicted to me as well. Somewhere in my mind I remember him whispering the words he loved me, and I believed him. Some things you just know are true. Maybe it’s intuition or perhaps false hope. But in the moment, it feels so damn real, just like him being here with me now.
At some point I must address the elephant in the room. What I did, making the furniture fly, spiraling above our heads, was new and a little frightening. I've never done anything like that before and I’m still processing being able to do such a thing.
I've been so mad at him for so long, I couldn't think. At times, I couldn't see straight. All I could do was feel and give in to my rage. I knew we’d need to discuss it but not then. I’d wanted to give into a different kind of feeling, a more urgent need. It was the need a woman who was starved of affection, has for the man she loves, yearning to be held in his arms and being loved by him.
He’d released me. I’d licked my tongue along the side of his neck, feeling the vibration of the vein in his throat as he swallowed. I worked my way up his neck across his jaw to the area I knew he couldn't resist. Nibbling gently on his earlobe, I breathed into his ear. He reacted just as I knew he would. Effortlessly, he threw me back against the bed, his body pinning me there.
He lifts my tank top over my head and kisses my wounded shoulder wrapped with bandages, then pauses.
"Is your shoulder all right? Are you sure you want this, babe?"