“I want to go as far as you’ll take me,” I said, and I meant it.
Warin shot forward instead of up this time, like an arrow from a bowstring toward the center of town. The cold air whipped against us, bringing with it scents of the night I’d never smelled so clearly before.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuck!” I chanted as the vampire looped a few times and then suddenly dove straight down, landing smoothly on top of a skyscraper.
Apparently we’d arrived at our destination.
It took me a little while to release Warin’s neck from my death grip, and I had to lean on his shoulder for support while my jellied legs solidified again.
“So, what did you think?” A small smile tugged at his lips.
“It was fantastic!" I managed to gasp. "Best experience of my life, hands down."
“I’m glad.” His smile softened as he turned away to look across the city. “I like to come up here, when I have time.”
“I can see why,” I said, plopping down on the roof. Warin followed my example with far more grace.
I let my upper body fall back so I could starfish and looked up at the night sky. It was too cloudy for stargazing, but the sensation of having nothing but the celestial concave above us was amazing.
"If I could fly, I'd never stop," I breathed happily, and turned my head so I could look up at him. He was leaning back, weight supported on one hand as he looked down at me.
“Can all vampires fly?”
“If they live long enough,” he said.
“Wow, talk about perks.” I shot him a teasing grin. “You wouldn’t be taking applications for new vampires, would you?”
“I will never Embrace you, Liv. I could never taint you with this curse.” The smile was gone from his face, grim seriousness replacing it. “There is no perk great enough to twist every beautiful thing you are into a monster of the night. Do not even joke of such matters.”
“You’re not a monster, Warin,” I said. “Is that truly how you see yourself?
“You have no idea what I am, little one. What I used to be. And you would not recognize a monster if it bit your leg.” He turned his gaze from my face to the sky. “You are far too innocent for your own good.”
“And you are too melodramatic for your own good,” I sighed. “Why do you keep trying to scare me off with these grand claims about how terrible you are? I know I’ve only known you a very short time, but I’ve never met anyone with as much kindness in their heart as you. You saved my life, Warin. You took me flying, for fuck’s sake. And you keep coming back to see me, yet you tell me you’re this awful monster. Why do you want me to fear you, when we both obviously like hanging out together?”
“I enjoy speaking with you… very much,” he said. “But I know you’re unaware of what you’re getting into, and I… feel guilt.”
I rolled over onto my side and propped myself up on an elbow. “So tell me.”
"I am a killer." His voice was quiet. "I have many, many lives on my conscience. And there was a time when I… enjoyed inflicting violence and pain on others."
It was a little hard to relate to, especially when I knew the vampire by my side drank blood from donor bags these days.
"A part of me is still that monster. It is in my nature, even when I suppress it.” His eyes flickered to me for a brief moment. “When I was starving in that cage and I smelled your blood… I nearly gave in.”
“But you didn’t,” I reminded him. “A monster would have taken my life without a second thought. Instead, you saved me from my own kind.”
Warin only sighed and laid flat on his back so he could stare up at the sky.
"What changed?" I asked. “When did you stop killing?”
A spasm pulled on his sculpted lips. “I haven’t stopped. You saw the bodies of our captors. I would still kill without remorse today, if…” He glanced at me, growing quiet without finishing the sentence.
“But why did you decide to only drink from donor bags? To not hurt people who didn’t deserve it?” I wanted so much to understand the man by my side. He was an enigma to me, but it wasn’t the mystery he presented that drew me in like a moth to a flame. It was that deep, intense something that pulsed off him in slow waves. Like a near-tangible loneliness that resonated so deep in my very soul I couldn’t put words to the connection I felt to him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t… I remember being so vicious—lost to the bloodlust. When I rose at night, the only thing that drove me was my need to sate my hunger. To inflict my power on those I deemed weaker than myself. But then… it just… vanished. One night it was there, and then it was gone. And I understood… I felt the pain I’d inflicted on others. Here.” He rested a hand on his chest and sighed.
“You learned empathy,” I said softly.
“I suppose I did. But it doesn’t erase what I’ve done. It doesn’t change what I am.”
“It doesn’t need to.” I sat up and wrapped my arms around my legs as I watched the solemn vampire by my side. “Yes, you may have done horrible things in your past, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good person today. If you have really done what you say you have, that just makes it so much more important that you spend the rest of your time on this planet making amends.”
Warin rolled over onto his side to better look at me. “You believe a monster can make amends?”
“I do. There has to be a balance, you know? In the universe. If you take a life, you must save one too.” I gave him a small smile. “So you’re already on your way, after saving my ass.”
“Hmm,” he hummed, the expression on his pale face mildly intrigued. “I’ve never thought about it in those terms.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” I assured him, offering him a cheeky grin to lighten the mood. “To point out the brighter side, so you don’t get lost in all that broody smolder.”
Warin laughed, a rumbling sound from deep in his chest that made my stomach feel light with happiness. “Do you know that your name means ‘life’ in my native language? I find it very apt.”
“Olivia?”
“No. Liv.” The way he pronounced it made it sound so exotic, like a sensual caress. He sighed and rolled over again, getting to his feet in a graceful move. “I should take you home. I am late for a meeting… again. I seem to forget the time when we speak.”
* * *
That night, I dreamt about flying among the stars on a ball of golden light.
11
Surprisingly, the first time I realized that there were distinct downsides to having a vampire friend had nothing to do with witches.
I stuck to my end of mine and Warin’s bargain and kept my nose out of any and all blood investigations, though I found my job had gotten a new edge to it. Every time someone came in to buy anything from tarot cards to one of our very delicious herbal teas, I found myself staring at them in an attempt to work out if they were an actual witch or not. The fact that I had no clue what to look for didn’t help matters.
* * *