"So… I'm not very good at this kind of thing." He points at himself then at me. "Whatever this is. I actually haven't been out on a date in a long, long time."
"And you think I am? What with my impeccable conversations skills and all?" I laugh. "Yeah, I don’t do people. Ever. But you…" I trail off before I say something I shouldn't.
"So if I'm brutally honest with you, you won't hold it against me?"
"Nah."
He gently grabs my arm, pulling me toward him. I have no choice but to follow his lead and grip the edge of the seat with my hands to keep from sliding off the stool. His other hand comes to rest on my cheek, his eyes intensely set on mine. When his thumb tenderly brushes over my jaw, my heart bangs against my chest, heating my body. I can't help but to lean into his touch. It feels too right. Too perfect. He inches forward until his lips meet mine with such a soft touch I'm not even sure he's really kissing me. Within seconds, he takes my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth nibbling just a little before releasing. He brushes his fingers into my hair as his lips crash hard against mine again. And from that simple touch, my entire body goes limp, every last inch of my skin heating. He cups the back of my neck to pull me closer and deepen the kiss. Just before I give in to him any further, I tear away, my heart in my throat as I stare at him.
A confused expression crosses Jax's face, and I immediately regret pulling away.
"Everything okay?" He looks around, but no one's paying us any more attention than we're paying them. "Sorry about the PDA… your lips are too distracting."
And now I feel like an idiot, so I do the only thing I can think to do—I grab him by the face and drag him to me, closing my eyes, and kiss him again. A subtle moan slips from my lips because, damn, his lips feel good like this. They're soft and warm and just… right.
And… this is bad. I know this is dangerous because I generally don't like people touching me, but Jax… there's something about him that I crave, possibly need—which means, in the end, I'm going to get hurt. Or maybe I’ll just end up hurting him.
I go to move away, but this time, he grabs the back of my head, giving me one tender kiss before he releases me, his eyes locked on mine. And even I, with my lack of social understanding, can pick up, by that desperate glimmer in his eyes, that he feels the same way. And that's scary as shit.
Jax trails his rough fingers over my jaw, a soft smile settling on his face. My cheeks warm; my body flushes.
"Hmm," he says, settling back in his seat. "I could see this being a problem."
"What?" I feel a scowl form on my face, and he chuckles.
"This." He touches his finger to my lips. "Kissing you is kind of addictive. And I have quite the addictive personality."
I should probably say something instead of staring at him like an idiot, which is exactly what I’m doing right now. "You're ridiculous," I mumble.
Heat floods my body, and I turn in my chair to face the wall of liquor, my heart thumping in my throat. Really? Ridiculous? That's the best you had? You could have said, “I like kissing you too. Thanks.” Anything….
Jax laughs, bringing his drink to his lips as he shakes his head. "Ridiculous, huh?" He smiles around the edge of the glass and winks.
I have no idea what I'm doing here, why I'm drawn to him like this, but I don't like it—and I like it all at the same time. Something about him seems safe and familiar, and as we sit here and talk, with every stupid, awkward comment I make, he grins. Maybe he gets my little quirks.
By the end of the night, I have my arm slung through his as we walk to the exit. I find myself leaning closer to him, pulling in the scent of his cologne. I too easily get lost in his smile and those eyes that tell me there's so much more to him than most people try to see.
We round the corner of the brick building, turning into the dark alleyway that leads to the parking lot. We've barely made it two feet before Jax stops and gently pushes me against the rough brick, pinning my shoulders to the wall. We share an intense stare in the brief moment before his lips crush mine. His hand sweeps up my neck and cups the side of my face as his teeth rake over my bottom lip. He pauses, his warm lips barely resting against mine.
"Yeah, I’m definitely in trouble,” he says with a sweet smile.
And in this moment, I know I'm fucked. Because even though I hate the vulnerability, the way he makes me feel is worth the possibility of having my heart ripped out. And if you know that's what will happen, are you really that vulnerable after all? So I give in to him.
I wrap my arms around his neck, tugging his body flush against mine. I try to quiet all the thoughts whirling around in my head so I can just enjoy how right this feels because it’s not often I've felt anything in my life was right. But Jax, at this very moment, with his soft lips pressed against mine, his hands roaming over my body… that's exactly how he feels.
“Killing Time”—City & Colour