But this was my own personal demise.
My choice.
Given on my own accord.
This single night surrendered to him.
Even though I knew the aftermath might destroy me. I had so little left holding me together. But I felt like I needed this to survive.
The overwhelming anger and betrayal, the need and hope, boiled to a tumultuous frenzy. Overflowing. Stripping me bare. “I hate you,” I muttered again as delirium hit, my fingers clawing and my mouth demanding, my body pressing and pleading.
I hated him for chasing me.
Hated him for exposing me.
Hated him for making me feel this way.
Hated myself for needing him so much.
And God, how I loved it all.
“You make me forget who I am,” he said in return as he hiked me up. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist.
And Lyrik kissed me like he was never going to kiss me again.
Because we both knew it was the truth.
“Slow.” It flowed as a murmur from his soul. A reminder of who we were. Of what he’d given me. Of the security he’d made me feel in these arms that were so strong and comforting when instead I should have perceived their threat.
I wanted to weep—the emotion so dense I choked on it—because tomorrow he’d be gone and he would take it all with him.
My dignity.
My heart.
My soul.
He owned them all.
He carried me into the quiet dimness of my apartment and down the short hall into my bedroom. He set me on the floor and took two steps back. With that potent gaze locked on me, he kicked off his shoes. His heavy pants filled the already thickened air.
“Take off your clothes,” he commanded. “I want to see you.”
A ragged breath jetted from between my swollen, bruised lips.
There he was. That intimidating man who didn’t tiptoe or treat me like glass. The one who didn’t treat me like a broken girl. Even when I knew he was getting ready to break me a little more.
He peeled his shirt over his head.
My eyes strayed, dancing across the body I wanted to sink into and disappear forever.
Suppressing a groan, I ate up the magnificent sight in front of me. No doubt, it would be the last one I would get.
“Now,” he said.
My attention jerked to those consuming eyes, and I shuddered as I slipped out of my heels, my height dropping by five inches.
The man towered over me.
Impassable.
Impenetrable.
Unattainable.
But for tonight, he was mine.
My fingers trembled and fumbled as I worked free the first button on my blouse, exposing the top portion of the deformed heart tattoo.
Guard your heart.
Too late.
It belonged to him.
Chest heaving, I went for the second. Lyrik’s body visibly hardened.
“Do you know how many girls I’ve been with?” The words were jagged, to the point of anger.
I sucked in a breath and my fingers stalled. “Please, don’t,” I begged. That was the last thing I wanted to know. The countless bodies and faces and girls who’d come before me. The ones who would most definitely come after. Still I managed to free the third button. My lacy white bra came into view.
A strangled sound lodged in his throat. He spoke around it, ignoring my plea. “So many I can’t count. So many I didn’t even try to keep track. So many I don’t remember.”
Cruel.
Why did he have to be so cruel?
That same jealousy I’d experienced earlier at the bar ignited a path of fire through me. A spike of the venom that had roiled in me during the last two weeks. The sting coursed through my veins.
I never wanted to be one of those girls.
Forgettable.
Used up and tossed aside.
But not even that could stop me from untying the knot at the bottom of my shirt and letting the fabric fall from my shoulders.
Because I was helpless.
My mind was entranced by his words and the despair coating his expression.
Shivers covered me under his intensity, my spirit wrapped up in the energy, that building storm gaining speed.
“And you…it’s you I can’t get off my mind. You I can’t rid from my thoughts. You I can’t wash from my body. It’s you I can’t forget.”
With his words, goosebumps sprang to my flesh.
Covering me whole.
Holding me hostage.
“Shut up,” I told him weakly. Nothing he said now could possibly matter. This was the end and the seconds were ticking by.
This was our last goodbye.
He flicked the top button of his jeans, and those dark eyes grew darker. The gold and grey flecks dimmed to pitch. Setting like the sun where I was sucked into his endless twilight. Where I floated somewhere between light and his dark. Lost somewhere between the malice, spite, and danger, and this soft, soft boy who’d taken the time to see me.
Taken the time to care.
I matched him move for move. We both shrugged out of our pants at the same time.
I went for my bra.
“Don’t,” he said, stalking forward. He approached, taking up my space and my breath and my reason. My head fell back farther and farther until his too-pretty face hovered an inch above mine. He wrapped one of his arms around my back to keep me from falling.