“I know. But I told you there would be some harmless kissing.”
“Harmless?” he echoes, raking both hands though his hair. “Do you know how much it sucks seeing my girlfriend kissing some other dude? Some other famous dude? Do you even care how it affects me?”
“Of course I care.”
He doesn’t seem to hear me, because he just keeps going. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this. It’s only been a month and I can’t imagine having to deal with it for eleven more.”
“I know,” I say miserably. “But this is us, W. We’re stronger together than apart, remember?”
The hardness in his features slowly loosens. “Do you really not like him?”
I draw my legs up and sit cross-legged on the chair. “I do like him.” When W’s eyes narrow, I hold up my hand. “As a friend.”
A friend? When did that happen?
“He’s not what I thought he was. I mean, yeah, he’s spoiled sometimes and kind of a jackass other times. But he’s talented and hardworking and...lonely.”
W scoffs. “Lonely? Yeah, right.”
“It’s true, or at least I think it is. His life is tough. Just spending time with him and being in his world, you’d be amazed how little privacy he has. He doesn’t even know if his friends are friends with him because they like him or because they want something from him. It’s very isolating.” I let out a tired breath. “I feel sorry for him sometimes.”
Sorry for him? Is that all you feel?
Argh. I really wish I could shut out that voice.
W falls silent. For a long time. As in, almost a full minute goes by.
“W?” I say hesitantly.
He slowly meets my eyes. “I didn’t want to do it, but it happened.”
My heart stops. “W...” It’s almost a warning, because...because I can’t hear this. If he says it out loud, I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to come back from this.
“At the party last night...” He trails off.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I blurt out.
“No, I do. There was this girl there. I had a little too much to drink.”
My palms are so damp I have to wipe them on my knees. “I don’t need to hear this,” I mumble.
He barrels forward. “All night, guys were giving me these side glances. And she was there. She had barely anything on. I swear, I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for those pictures. I could see his tongue. It was in your mouth.” He makes a disgusted sound in the back of his throat.
My eyes start to sting. “I’m sorry.”
“Do you think of me at all when you’re posing for that trash and putting it out there for all our friends to see? Because last night, when this girl was all over me, I kept thinking about you and how I wished you were the one dancing with me. I wanted you to be the one I was kissing, not this chick.”
“Oh, W, no.” The tears slip out and slide down my cheeks. It was one thing to suspect W hooking up on me, but hearing it confirmed is more painful than I imagined. “Why?”
He reaches forward to squeeze my cold, clammy hands. “I didn’t want to. I swear, I wouldn’t have kissed her at all if it hadn’t been for those pictures. He had his hands in your hair. The two of you were making out and I looked like a chump. It made me angry.” I try to pull away, but his grip is too strong. “And I realized something the other night.”
I clench my teeth. “A moment of epiphany when you were kissing some stranger?”
“Exactly.” He doesn’t register my sarcasm. “If we’re going to make this work for us, we need to have a stronger connection than the one we already have.”
“But I love you.” Those words have never sounded more pathetic.
“You say that, but there’s still something you’re holding back.” He reaches out and wipes away a few of my tears with his thumb. “We need to take it to the next level. I’ve been real patient. Some guys would’ve pressured you, but I never did. Prom night, remember? I stopped when you asked me to stop.”
After a lot of bitching and moaning and telling me that we were the only ones stopping, but yes, you stopped. I pull my bruised fingers from his and rub my forehead. He wants me to be grateful that he stopped and that...that pisses me off.
And that he’s using my kissing Oakley as an excuse to cheat on me; that makes me even angrier. But I have my own issues. I can’t deny that when I was in the car with Oakley after the ice cream date, I felt things I’d only ever felt when I was with W.
“Why is everyone we know having sex but us?” He shoots to his feet to loom over my chair. “My roommates all got laid the other night. With girls they didn’t even know. These chicks at college aren’t uptight like you are. And they definitely aren’t making out with other guys and telling me no at the same time. I could’ve slept with that girl last night but I didn’t.”
I grind my teeth. “Gee, thanks for the restraint, W. I should give you cookies for not sleeping with her? Just kissing her?”
“Yes. If you’re kissing Oakley Ford—with tongue—then I need something more from you.”
“It’s not a competition.”
“So you’re saying you won’t sleep with me?” He sounds utterly disgusted with me, like I’m refusing the most reasonable request ever.
The pressure makes my stomach churn. I search for a way out, and, as if a higher power decided to take pity on me, the doorbell suddenly rings.
I bolt off my chair. “I need to answer that.”
“Paisley can do it,” W says coldly.
“She’s in the shower.” I toss out the lie over my shoulder on my way to the door. Truthfully, I have no clue what Paisley is doing, but I need a moment to regroup.
Unfortunately, W decides to follow me, which brings a silent scream to my throat. I need...distance, damn it. I need to collect my thoughts and figure out how I feel about everything we just talked about.
He kissed someone else.
So did you...
Yeah, but my kiss was staged! It wasn’t real.
Wasn’t it?
I’m two seconds away from releasing the scream. I’ve never been more confused in my life, and feeling W’s breath on my neck on the way downstairs makes me tense and anxious.
We reach the front hall, where he finally quits crowding me. He leans against the wall with his arms crossed and his surly expression fixed on me.
I open the door to find Oakley standing on my porch.
“Oh,” I squeak. “What are you doing here?”
Before he can speak, W’s enraged voice sounds from behind me.
“Oh, hell, no!”
21
HIM
1doodlebug1 @OakleyFord_stanNo1 She looks like trash in those pics!
OakleyFord_stanNo1 @1doodlebug1 she IS trash. Don’t know what Oak sees in her.
1doodlebug1 @Oaksgirl69 Think he’s a good kisser? @OakleyFord_stanNo1
OakleyFord_stanNo1 @1doodlebug1 um, DUH!!! Best kisser ever!!!!!!
1doodlebug1 @OakleyFord_stanNo1 How do u kno??
OakleyFord_stanNo1 @1doodlebug1 b/c he looks like it. Sooooooo much tongue in those pix!
1doodlebug1 @OakleyFord_stanNo1 She doesn’t deserve him.