Hell, it could be worse … it could be my father too.
“Sweetie?” my mom calls into my bedroom with a soft knock on the door.
“Come on in, Mom,” I respond with a smile that only grows when she pops her blond head through the crack in my door.
You would never guess that she’s in her mid-fifties. My mom still doesn’t even look a day over forty, if that. Her blond hair doesn’t hold a single gray, and her freckled skin is wrinkle free. She’s the most beautiful woman I know.
“You okay?” she asks, walking into the room and shutting the door. I’m silently thankful for the privacy, something she clearly sees judging by her next words. “I sent your sister home, honey. Now, give me all your worries and let me make them better.”
A sob bubbles up before I can stop it, and I step into my mom’s arms. She holds me while I get it out, maneuvering us until she is leaning against my headboard and she has her loving arms wrapped around me.
Sometimes, no matter how old you are, the only thing that makes you feel like you can manage all the things spinning around you helplessly is to have your mother’s arms wrapped around you.
“Is this about Levi?” she hedges.
“No … yes. God, I have no idea how to even answer that.”
“Well,” she says and pulls back to look into my eyes. Her light brown eyes full of love and understanding. “Give me everything and we can pick it apart and figure out what needs to happen next.”
“Directions … I need directions,” I mumble through my sniffles.
Her blond brows pull in slightly and a small frown hits her lips. “Directions to what, baby?”
“How to follow my heart.” I hiccup.
Her frown disappears instantly replaced with a wide smile. “Then directions we’ll find.”
I drop back into her arms and give her everything, not leaving a single detail of it out, and when I finish, I don’t feel any less confused.
“Oh, my sweet girl. You always, even when you were a tiny baby, overthink any and every challenge placed in front of you. That is something I’m afraid you came by honestly. Your father was the same way. Overthought everything and let his fears and insecurities overrule what his heart was screaming.”
I lift up and move to cross my legs, facing my mom as she mirrors my position.
“What changed?” I ask, searching her eyes, having a hard time picturing the strong and confident man I know like that.
“Your father did.” She laughs. “Well, I think it might have been a little of my stubborn will mixed with his and his steadfast determination mixed with both our fears and endless love, but in the end, it was the same result.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” I return.
She laughs again, the sound like little bells ringing, and my heart lightens some.
“You know that your dad and I didn’t have an easy start. I was insecure and feared many things because of the way I was raised. Your father, well, he had many similar feelings, but also had some stupid, misguided beliefs that I was too good for him and he would ruin me. Silly man.”
I gasp, thinking about just how similar that sounds to Nate’s and my situation. “And … what changed?” I ask again.
“He woke up. I didn’t give up. He didn’t give up. A lot of the same, but it was just our love being too big to ever ignore.”
I look down at my nails, picking at my polish, but I don’t speak.
“And a lot of sass,” she continues.
I throw back my head and laugh, feeling lighter.
“So this isn’t about Levi, exactly, but more about you and Nate?”
I nod, still not looking up.
“Sweetheart, look at your mama.”
Instantly, I give her my eyes. She’s still smiling. “Nate’s a good boy. He has a huge heart and isn’t afraid to laugh. He’s one of those live big and live loud people. I’ve watched him grow up from a baby into the man he is today, so I can say with certainty that he is a man worthy of your love. But I can also see how Nate, being the man he is, took the youthful, innocent love of a just turned eighteen-year-old young lady and panicked. His age difference doesn’t seem like a big deal right now when you’re both in your twenties, but then, that difference was a bigger deal to a lot of people.”
“He said he would ruin me.”
“Baby.” She sighs. “Nate’s seen a lot of bad things happen to people who loved each other completely. He might have been young, but he was still around while each and every one of your father’s friends fell and fought for their love. He’s seen his sister go through terrible things for love. Watched Lee and Megan fight for what they have. If I had to guess, that boy is afraid of what could happen if he was to give in to what his heart is saying.”
I frown and think about what she’s saying. It makes sense. No one in our ‘family’ has had an easy go at falling in love, but they all took on that beautiful war and won.