“Why didn’t you come back after Casey’s treatment was over?” His voice is even, detached…cold.
My heart stills. “The treatment took a long time. She was on the drugs for six months. It was a year before we got the all-clear. Then, we had to wait for follow-ups. And there was always that fear that it might return. Back then, Ava was my only option to getting Casey the treatment she would have needed if the tumor came back, like it had before. And…when we finally realized it wasn’t coming back…so much time had passed.” Biting down on my lip, I dry my face with my hands and stare down at the pavement beneath my feet. “I wanted to come back…so badly. But I didn’t know how to. I was…scared.”
“Of what?”
“That you wouldn’t be waiting when I came back. That…you’d have moved on.”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “I never did. That was your mistake, Evie.”
“I know that now. But back then, I didn’t. And I know this will sound screwed up, and you might not want to hear this…but part of what kept me away was Ava. It wasn’t fear—well, maybe a little fear.” I laugh a sound much akin to his. “But no matter how I felt about Ava, no matter how much I despised how she’d treated you all your life or what she did to us—how she used my sister dying for her own gain—I…well, I owed her. I still have my sister, living and breathing and healthy, because of Ava. I made a deal with her. I made a deal that I would never tell you the truth…a deal that I’m breaking right now.”
“You make it sound like you’re doing me a fucking favor,” he snaps.
It’s the first real sign of emotion I’ve gotten from him. Even though he’s snapping at me, I cling on to that as hope.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just…I’m trying to make you understand why I couldn’t tell you back then.”
“You could have told me the instant you got back.”
“You’re right. But when you’ve held something in for so long, kept a secret…it’s hard to get the words out. It’s hard to say them. And even still, I felt like I owed Ava. And…I know your relationship with her was difficult, but she’s your mother. I didn’t want to be the reason your relationship with her ended. I know what it’s like to lose a mother, Adam. I didn’t want that for you, no matter how she is. I couldn’t be responsible for that.”
“But you could be responsible for obliterating my heart?” He stands abruptly.
My eyes follow him. Then, the rest of me does until I’m standing in front of him. “Adam—”
“I don’t know what to do with this, Evie. It’s too fucking much. Too fucked up. I want to be angry with you. I am angry with you. So very fucking angry.” He turns his face away.
When he brings it back to me, my heart splits in two. I see it there in his eyes. I’ve lost him again, and this time, it’s for good.
“Last night, I asked you for the truth. I told you, if you gave it to me, I would see if I could get past it. Today, you’ve given me that truth. Now, I’m telling you…I can’t get past it. And I don’t mean what you did—choosing Casey and saving her life. Hell, I would have told you to go, had I known. I would have told you to leave me, if it meant saving Casey’s life.