I’m up in my room, sitting on my bed, with the cookies-and-cream eggs scattered in front of me. We’re not allowed to have food up in our rooms, but Mom was busy talking to Aunt Ruth and didn’t even notice me taking them from the kitchen table. I didn’t thank Jonah, and I do feel kind of bad about that, especially because he gave me the extra one, but I just couldn’t seem to form the words, because even though it’s not his fault, I’m still mad at him. My friends didn’t make fun of me or anything, but I knew they thought it was totally lame, what Jonah did. But they had more important things to do, like make fun of Corwin. I felt bad for Corwin getting all teased just because he likes Ava. Not that he likes her anymore. And I’m kind of glad for him because even though she’s my friend and all, she can be really mean, and Corwin should like someone who’s nice to him because he’s nice, too.
Carlee likes Matt, and she says that he kissed her behind the portables right before Christmas break. Not with tongue or anything—gross!—but I don’t know if I believe her. Matt doesn’t act like he likes her at all, and Carlee made us do a double cross-your-heart swear that we would never bring it up to him.
Ava doesn’t like any of the boys at school. She says she has a boyfriend back in Texas, where she lived before her family moved out here last year. His name is Tim and he’s in sixth grade, and she says they’ve done all kinds of things, like kiss on the mouth, with tongue—gross!—and hold hands and play doctor. I didn’t know what that game was, and when I asked her, she kind of laughed like I was the stupidest person ever, but then Carlee told me she didn’t know what doctor was and I felt better. And then one day, when Carlee and me were at her house for a playdate, we googled doctor and found out that it’s a game where you look at and maybe even touch each other’s privates. And even though I don’t want anybody, especially a boy, looking at or touching my privates, and I was a little bit freaked out that Ava had maybe done that, I kind of also thought she was a little bit cool and totally grown-up for doing that.
I unwrap a cookies-and-cream egg, pop it into my mouth, and wad up the foil wrapper. I think about Ryan and what I would have told him if Jonah hadn’t interrupted. Fun Dip is my favorite candy, not just the powder, but the sticks you dip with. I wonder if Ryan likes Fun Dip, too. Now I’ll probably never find out.
With the white chocolate melting on my tongue, I lie back against my pillow and think of Ryan. His big blue eyes and blond hair and the curvy way his lips grin. For just a small minute, I think about playing doctor with Ryan, but then my stomach gets fluttery, but not in a good way, more like an “I ate way too many corn dogs” way, and my face gets hot and I feel super embarrassed even though I’m all alone.
I sit up again and roll the eggs back and forth across my bedspread, then I gather them up and take them to my desk and hide them in the top drawer. I know Mom comes in here every so often and looks through my things. I don’t know what she thinks she’ll find. I’m only ten. What could I be hiding? If she finds the eggs, she’ll probably get all mad and say something like, “That’s how you get bugs upstairs!” and Jonah will get all excited because he loves bugs and would be happy if a bunch of them creepy-crawlied into his room.
There’s a knock at my door that makes me jump, and I slam the drawer shut real fast, just in case it’s Mom or Aunt Ruth. I know dinner won’t be ready for like another hour, so it’s probably Jonah. Yup. He swings the door open before I even tell him it’s okay to come in.
“Hi, Eden,” he says. The dumb monkey is hanging around his neck. “Wanna play with me and Marco?”
Oh, sure. I really want to play with my little brother and his stuffed animal. I mean, I still have stuffed animals—they’re on my bed—but I don’t play with them anymore.
“No,” I tell him. “I don’t.”
“Oh, come on, Eden, it’ll be real fun, I promise. We could pretend Marco’s an alien from another universe and he’s come to eat our brains and we have to make an army to protect ourselves, but then Marco starts to turn into a good alien and doesn’t want to eat our brains anymore but wants to help us fight his very own people. Alien people.”
I slap my hands over my ears. “Shut up, Jonah! Don’t you ever take a breath?” Mom says that to him sometimes, not the shut-up part, but the taking-a-breath part. Only she always says it with a smile on her face, not like I just did in my mean voice.
“You said shut up, Eden. That’s not ’llowed.”
“What’re you gonna do? Tattle on me?”
He bites his lower lip, then slowly shakes his head. “I wouldn’t tattle on you, Eden. ’Cause you’re the best sister.”
I drop my hands and stare at my nails. Ava got a Jamberry for Christmas and she always has these cute patterns on her nails. Mine don’t even have clear polish. Mom said she’d take me for a manicure, but she won’t buy me a Jamberry because they cost like a hundred dollars.
I finally look up and see that Jonah is still there. I’m not going to apologize to him for saying shut up. I’m not. I’m mad at him. He ruined things with Ryan. But he doesn’t know any of that.
“I don’t feel like playing with you right now, Jonah, okay?”
“Sure, it’s okay, Eden,” he says, then his face gets smiley again, like he’s just happy that I’m talking to him without yelling. “Maybe later, huh?”
Not. I shrug, and he smiles at me like I told him yes. He looks at Marco.
“Maybe Eden will play with us later, alien monkey from another universe.”
He runs out of my room, leaving my door wide-open. I sneak another egg out of the desk drawer, and while I’m looking at the pink-and-purple wrapper, I suddenly feel really bad about being mad at Jonah. I am not the best big sister. But he is probably the best little brother I could have. Especially compared to Carlee’s little brother who, like, bites her almost every single day, or Matt’s little brother who steals his toys, then breaks them and doesn’t say sorry or feel bad about it at all.
I put the egg back in the drawer. I don’t want it anymore. Maybe I’ll go find Jonah and play that stupid alien game with him.
I shake my head, which I know is kind of silly because there’s nobody looking, but I do it anyway. I don’t want to play with Jonah. I really don’t. Not even just to be nice. Tomorrow I probably won’t be mad at him anymore and I’ll play with him then.
I want to FaceTime with Carlee and Ava, but Mom said I couldn’t before dinner. I don’t know why not, but I didn’t bother arguing with her because she used that voice that means she isn’t going to change her mind. Dad calls it her nonnegotiation voice. Maybe I’ll read for a little while. I just started the Percy Jackson series. Dad said I was finally old enough, and I like it, and I don’t even mind that there’s a boy as the main character.
I get down on the floor and crawl over to my bookshelf, find Percy Jackson, trail my fingers over the outside part where it says the name. Mom told me what that part’s called, but I forgot. No, wait. The spine. That’s it. But I don’t pull out Percy Jackson because right next to it is my school yearbook from last year. I pull that out instead, then sit cross-legged on the floor and open it to Mrs. Bertrand’s class page.
I wasn’t in Mrs. Bertrand’s class last year. But I know a lot of people who were. Like Carlee and Corwin and Aimee. And Ryan.
FORTY-SIX