The coach couldn’t help but feel that spotting Maddy was a stroke of good fortune: perhaps their crossing paths was serendipitous. He and the rest of Lehigh’s coaching staff had been disappointed when she’d changed her mind at the end of the recruiting process, backing out of her verbal commitment and deciding to run track instead of play soccer. They believed she would have been a very good college player.
Eric had also heard through the grapevine—players on his team still kept in touch with Maddy, as well as with Maddy’s friends—that she wasn’t happy at Penn. Neither Eric nor Amy had any additional details about her situation, including whether she might legitimately consider transferring or if her malaise simply represented the usual freshman ups and downs. Maybe if she did want to leave, they had a chance—a second chance. They also wanted to know how she was doing, as both Eric and Amy had spent hours on the phone with her, had gotten to know her well—better than most recruits—and were genuinely interested in whether she was enjoying her first year of college. They both liked her.
Madison lifted her head upon hearing her name. She spotted Eric, the coach she had almost gone to play for out of high school. He was crossing the street toward her. In her right hand, she was holding a shopping bag.
For much of the afternoon, Maddy had responded to her phone messages, but at some point she had stopped looking at the new texts as they popped up. Earlier that day, after finishing class, she had begun rewriting the script for her Friday afternoon and evening. None of these changes seemed premeditated or planned in advance, but as she began rearranging things, she couldn’t bring herself to casually text, to continue seeing the names of her friends and family. She had made the decision to separate herself from them, and that separation started when she stopped responding on her phone.
The night before, she and Ingrid had watched the remake of The Parent Trap. The two friends had parted ways early, since Maddy had morning obligations: a test to take, as well as a lifting workout for the track team. When they had said goodbye, Ingrid had walked away believing she would see her friend the next night. The pair had continued texting the following afternoon, about which sororities they were most interested in. And as the afternoon wore on, Ingrid finally asked if she was definitely seeing Maddy that night. But to this final text, Maddy didn’t respond.
Ingrid: Taylor and I have exactly the same except our first and second are swapped
Maddy at 12:14: Did not everyone get all six? Ahh mines diff. Whaaaat I wonder how that worked out
Ingrid at 3:52: Idkk are you done with class?
Maddy at 5:36: Ahh yes sorry I went running
Maddy: Whatcha doing
Ingrid at 6:17: Thoughts on going out tonight?
Although Maddy told Ingrid she had gone running that afternoon, it’s unclear if she actually had, because she also sent an e-mail to Steve Dolan in the middle of the afternoon, when she would have been running, asking if she could opt out of the afternoon workout.
On Jan. 17, 2014, at 2:07 PM, Madison wrote:
Hi! My legs are still pretty sore so could I just do the bike again today and then do a workout tomorrow?
From: Stephen Dolan
Date: Fri, Jan. 17, 2014 at 3:29 PM
Madison,
Ok. Let’s talk on the phone later about the plan for this weekend.
Call me anytime after 7:00.
Coach
Madison never called Dolan. Ingrid believed she was meeting up with Maddy that night after each of them continued rush, which was set to begin at 6 p.m. at Houston Hall. Actually, Maddy should have been at Houston Hall right about the time she ran into Eric. She had received a reminder e-mail about the event less than two hours before.
Instead of being on campus at that moment, Maddy was on a downtown Philly street corner, watching Eric walk toward her. She hadn’t expected to see anyone, let alone the soccer coach she had spurned in favor of Penn, but now there was no way to avoid him, since they’d made eye contact and he had called her name. She was wearing jeans and a sweater, a coat—just an everyday outfit, not athletic gear.
Eric and Maddy walked across the street to join Amy and Mike. After the standard greetings, Eric asked Maddy what she was doing alone downtown on a Friday night.
“Just doing some shopping,” Maddy told him, lifting the bag in her hand.
“Get anything good?” he asked.
“Just some gifts for my family,” she said.
She had actually bought the gifts earlier in the day, at the U of Penn Bookstore. While she was there her dad had called, which was not unusual: everyone was worried about her and checking in several times a day. Jim wanted to know if she’d made any progress on finding a therapist in Philly. Both Jim and Stacy had agreed that, along with the counselor she was seeing at home, Maddy needed professional help from someone near school.
Madison told her dad that she hadn’t yet found a therapist in Philly, but that she would. And maybe she planned to find one, in the same way she was still planning for second semester, still rushing sororities and inquiring about a room switch. Nothing is decided until it is. Yet she was at that very moment shopping for her family and friends. She bought Godiva chocolates for Jim. She bought a necklace for her mom. She bought gingersnaps for her grandparents, who always had that flavor in their home. She bought an outfit for Hayes, her nephew, who had been born two weeks earlier, on New Year’s Eve. She had a copy of The Happiness Project for Ingrid, with a note scribbled inside. She also had that picture of herself as a young kid, holding a tennis racquet. She had shown that picture to her dad over holiday break and announced that she was borrowing it, that she needed it for something, though she didn’t say for what. She also had a note she had written, trying to explain herself.
These were the items inside the shopping bag Maddy was holding as she spoke to Eric. Of course, Eric thought nothing of the exchange: he assumed the bag was filled with belated Christmas gifts.
“I heard things aren’t going great at Penn,” Eric said.
“Yeah, it’s much different than I thought it would be,” she said. “But I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“Different how?” Eric asked.
“School is difficult, so much more than high school,” Madison said. “All of it is really, really hard, plus I’m not enjoying track.”
“Just have honest conversations with everyone about how things are going,” he said. Then he added, “And if Penn isn’t the school for you, that’s okay—really. It will be okay.”
Eric told her that options still existed, that just because she had chosen Penn first didn’t mean she couldn’t change her mind. A standard process existed if she wanted to transfer, and, yes, she needed to jump through the proper hoops, but that was always still an option. Eric wanted to be careful about what he was saying. He didn’t want to be seen to be poaching a player from another school, but he also felt he knew Maddy, what drove her, and he had always believed she loved soccer. So he wanted to convey a simple message to her without saying the actual words: she could still come play soccer at Lehigh.
Maddy was noncommittal.
“How are you doing, though?” Eric asked again.
“Fine,” she said, glancing at the server walking past. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”