“Thank you,” she says dreamily. “It was a really good night until it wasn’t. I don’t expect you to know how to handle…” The rest of the sentence drops off, and I want her to stay awake long enough for me to convince her.
“It still is a good night,” I say quietly, but she doesn’t respond. “Maggie? Are you awake?” Again, nothing. “Nothing’s changed. I want the full deck,” I say, my lips brushing her temple.
It hits me how much I want it, how much I want more not only with Maggie, but more.
I look at the clock on the nightstand. Eleven-twenty. If I know him at all, I know my father is awake, catching up on paperwork in his home office or enjoying his Jack on the rocks on the screened-in porch.
Full deck.
If I’m going to be all-in with Maggie, I have to do the same with the rest of my life. I have a choice. I’ve just always opted for the easy way out, even if it means sacrificing what I want. I have to stop hoping my family will get sick enough of my bullshit to not want me to fulfill this plan they’ve set out for me ever since I was born with the one piece of anatomy my sisters didn’t have. I thought it sentenced me to a life of becoming not only my father in name but in everything else. It’s what I’ve been raised to believe and what I’ve been trying to escape. For the first time I need to choose what I want. Even if I have no idea what that is. Even if there’s risk. And fucking hell, there is risk.
I stare at his cell number on the screen of my phone. All I have to do is tap send to change everything.
He answers on the first ring.
“Hey, Dad. We need to talk.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Maggie
Coffee with the Scotland gang isn’t as mortifying as I expect.
“We missed you last night,” Jordan tells me. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thank you,” I say.
“I once got so drunk I woke up on a round-about in the middle of town.” This from Duncan, and with it Elaina rolls her eyes while the rest of us laugh.
“And you wonder why it took me so long to kiss you. That is why. You were a boy. I had to wait for you to become a man.”
Elaina sips her espresso like it’s water, and Duncan whispers to the rest of us, “Probably shouldn’t tell her it happened after she snogged me, aye?”
She smacks him on the shoulder. “I can hear you!”
Again the laughter and Duncan telling her, “I know!”
This is how our short and final visit goes until it’s time to leave. Duncan and Elaina are staying a few more days with Jordan and Noah, first at Jordan’s family home in the suburbs, then in Ohio, where Jordan’s in grad school and where Noah teaches.
“You guys should come to my parents’ place. It’s less than an hour away.”
Jordan’s invitation is sincere, and had last night not gone the direction it did, I might hope for Griffin to accept. But I’m relieved when he shakes his head.
“We should get back,” he says, with no further explanation, but Jordan offers us both an understanding smile.
She hugs me tight. “He’s worth the fight,” she whispers.
I swallow hard at her wish because less than twenty-four hours ago it was mine, too. But it was a silly wish, a silly wish for a girl who’s way more of a handful than any guy could bargain for, especially this one. Griffin has enough to deal with without having to worry about the next time I disintegrate in public. He said so himself. And let’s face it, my track record for the past couple weeks has been shit.
Something is up with him, though. He gave me space this morning because he could tell I needed it, so we haven’t talked much. He should be sad to say good-bye to his friends. Maybe he is, but for some reason he’s beaming, an unwavering smile on his face despite Elaina and Duncan tearfully embracing him. He and Noah even hug, proof they must have smoothed over any strain they may have felt in each other’s presence.
“Why does this seem more difficult than it was two years ago?” Jordan asks as she wraps her arms around Griffin. “We’ll do this again, right? Tell me this is proof we don’t have to wait two years again.”
I watch his smile waiver. Long-distance relationships of any kind aren’t easy, friendships included.
Griffin grabs my hand before answering her. “I think last night was proof of a lot of things, one certainly being that I don’t want to go this long without seeing any of you again.”
Somehow we all end up in a huddle of sorts, and Duncan addresses the group.
“Did I forget to mention the wedding’s next December…in Greece? I think you’ll be needing one of those fancy cards to remind you of the date so you can buy your tickets!”
Griffin smiles, but it’s not entirely sincere, as if Duncan’s news isn’t what he wants to hear. It’s funny, the things you learn about people. It’s in this moment I realize I know his smiles—when they’re real, when they’re not, when they’re only for me. Something isn’t right, but he doesn’t want them to know.