What If

He stands, framed by the window and lights of the city, a sentimentality in his expression that seems out of character for the short time I’ve known him.

“When Jordan told me about this Aberdeen reunion, I think she was half taking the piss when she asked if we’d come. But when I realized it meant we’d all be here together, it wasn’t even a question. I may have been pissed as hell on my birthday two years ago, but Elaina gave me the only gift I wanted—a kiss from her. The only reason she made good on her promise to give it to me was because Jordan and Griffin talked her into it.”

Griffin’s eyes meet Jordan’s, and they share a conspiratorial grin. There’s this whole life he has, and I know nothing about it. I envy her for having shared more of him than I’ve been given. But something shifted with us back at the hotel and then in the elevator here. For nearly a month we’ve been only what the other needs, an escape from who we are. What if we could be more? What if after we leave the city Griffin could be the guy he is tonight? My coat hangs over the back of my chair, and I shove my hand in the pocket, my fingers poking on the edges of the photograph of the six of us, of the names and faces too ingrained already to forget because they welcomed me like I fit. Griffin makes me feel like I fit. Me being here? This already is something more.

“So this toast is not only because she said yes.” Duncan looks at Elaina seated next to him, his eyes shining with the threat of tears, and Elaina’s cheeks already covered with them. “It’s because we wouldn’t be here without the two of you.” He nods to Jordan and Griffin, and they both raise their glasses. “Now it’s time to show I have the bloody testicles to share a secret with my soon-to-be wife.”

Elaina blinks her tear-soaked eyes, and they widen. “Did you just use testicles in our engagement toast?”

Duncan laughs and continues. “Elaina.” He clears his throat. “A year and a half ago, when the four of us traveled Europe for the summer—you, me, Jordan, and Noah—we flew to Greece when the Americans went home.”

“Yes, I know this,” she says. “But you still said testicles in our engagement toast.”

“I told you I didn’t know any Greek, but I lied.” Elaina’s mock annoyance fades as her eyes lock on his. “I was happy your dad spoke some English, but I wanted to do it properly. And one night when your mum and you were having a coffee with a neighbor, I asked him, ‘Boróona pantrépsei tin kóri sas?’ I said I didn’t know when but that someday I was going to ask you, and I had to ask him in person. So I did, a full six months before.”

Elaina’s tears flow freely now, and she stands on her toes, meeting her lips with his. Then she turns to us to translate. “He asked my papa for my hand eighteen months ago!” Her eyes go back to Duncan. “Okay then. My turn,” she says. “Jordan and Griffin never had to talk me into it, not that I would have admitted to that. I was always going to kiss you on your birthday…and every night after that.”

Duncan gasps, the first I’ve seen him lose his composure tonight, and the two kiss again to the applause of the four of us and quite a few patrons nearby.

“Don’t mind us,” Duncan says between kisses.

Jordan holds up her glass next, keeping the toasts going, a look of hesitation in her eyes I know is for Griffin’s sake, but when I look at him, he smiles at her without holding back. His hand finds mine in my lap, and he squeezes it softly.

“I love you, Noah. I know I’ve said it a thousand times before. But what I’ve never said is thank you. I am grateful for your patience, for always putting us first even with your teaching, and when this master’s program kicks my ass and I feel like the most selfish person in the world. Thank you for loving me through my self-doubt as a writer, through my crazy weekends of too much coffee, not enough sleep, and probably one shower too few. There’s no one I’d rather navigate the crazy with than you.”

Noah cups her cheeks in his hands. “You’re welcome, Brooks.” He kisses her. “I plan to navigate the crazy with you for a long time to come. I know it’s not our time yet, but I am going to marry you.”

Jordan nods and whispers almost too soft for me to hear, “As you wish.”

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