The house is quiet until I close the door behind me. Then I hear a chair scooting across the tile floor, and when I look down the hallway, Richard is emerging from the kitchen.
“Jesus fuck,” he murmurs, rubbing his hands down his face. He drops his arms and starts advancing toward me. “I’ve been calling you since Friday. Why haven’t you answered me?”
I ignore the harshness of his tone when he stops a foot away, because now he’s close enough I can see how bloodshot his eyes are and the shadows beneath them.
He hasn’t been sleeping well.
Good.
“I switched my phone off,” I admit.
No point in hiding that.
He nods as if accepting my excuse and the unspoken reason behind it.
“How was the wedding?” he asks with genuine interest in his voice.
I feel my brows pull together.
What in the actual fuck?
“What do you care? You didn’t even want me to go,” I remind him.
Richard looks down at the floor and grips the back of his neck with one hand. “Yeah, that was fucked up. I shouldn’t have been like that to you. I’m sorry.” He lifts his head and our eyes lock. I see his apology written all over his face. He really means it.
I feel a tinge of gratitude for his regret, but what's done is done.
“Fine.” I go to pass him and head for the stairs when he sidesteps, blocking me. “Can you move? I need to get my stuff,” I explain.
“Why are you getting your stuff?”
“Because I’m moving out.”
He flinches, jerking his head back as if I had slapped him. “You’re moving out?” he echoes. “Why? Because we had a fight?”
I blink up at him, starting to feel just as confused as he seems to be.
“We broke up, Richard. That was more than just a fight.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and breathes a laugh. “We didn’t break up,” he mutters.
My brow furrows. “Excuse me?”
“I yelled and said shit I didn’t mean. You yelled and said shit you didn’t mean.” He shrugs. “We had a fight, Riley. Had them before and I’m sure we’ll have more of them. That’s all it was.”
I narrow my eyes and tip my chin up. “You called me a bitch,” I snap. “More than once, if I’m remembering correctly.”
“Yeah. That’s part of the shit I didn’t mean. Come on.” He cocks his head as his eyes soften. “You know I don’t think that about you. Have I ever called you anything like that before?”
I take a second to think, but I don’t need it. I know the answer.
“No,” I reply quietly.
“That’s right, because I don’t think like that.” He reaches out and begins slowly running his hands up and down my arms in a soothing motion. “I was pissed and I took that shit out on you. That was my fuck up. I knew it wasn’t your fault but I put it on you anyway because I needed someone to feel it, and all fucking weekend I’ve been regretting that. Did you listen to my messages?”
“I deleted them this morning.” I step back, getting out of his reach when his hands start to irritate my skin.
His mouth twitches. “Guess I deserved that,” he replies. “But if you had listened to them, you would’ve heard how sorry I was.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” I counter.
His face hardens. “Why not?”
I sigh, pinch my lips together, and cock my head at the same angle his was cocked. “Because we broke up,” I hiss, irritation spreading through me. “So you spending your weekend apologizing to me wouldn’t have mattered. You were apologizing to someone who wasn’t yours anymore.”
I try and get past him again by squeezing between him and the wall, but Richard steps over and blocks me.
He isn’t a big guy. Not nearly as big as some people . . .
But I’m little, so unless I get a running start, I don’t have a chance of pushing through.
“When the fuck did we break up?” he asks, eyes now full blown filled with confusion and searching my face. “Did you say it was over? Did I? Because I sure as fuck don’t remember telling you we were done.”
I open my mouth, ready to argue with conviction when memories flood me. My lips press together. Friday night plays back like a movie inside my head.
I'm packing my things and speaking as if Richard’s still standing in the doorway.
“You’re taking everything out on me, like I’m the one who fired you. All week you’ve been giving me shit about it. I don’t deserve that. I deserve better than that! And you know what? I bet Reed would understand if I didn’t show up this weekend, because he’s an understanding person, but you’re not! You’re expecting me to choose between you and my family. That isn’t fair. It’s not fair. But you know what? I’ll choose. You want me to choose? I’m choosing right now.”
But he wasn't standing in the doorway anymore. I knew that. He was already downstairs, in the kitchen getting another beer.
Richard didn’t say we were broken up. He said a lot of things, mean things, but he didn’t say it. And I didn’t say it. Not really. And what I did say, he didn't even hear.
Then I left. Hauled ass out of there wanting space and needing it to happen immediately. I left angry and upset and thinking we were broken up, but we weren’t because neither one of us said it.
Oh, God . . .
I slept with CJ Tully when I had a boyfriend at home waiting for me.
A boyfriend who was sorry.
A boyfriend who's been trying to contact me all weekend, but because I've kept my phone off, I didn't get his calls saying he's still my boyfriend.
Nonononono. This can’t be happening. One of us said it. I know we did.
Except we didn't.
Shit.
Shit!
I thought we were over. I should’ve gotten confirmation before storming out, but I didn’t. What's wrong with me?
“If anything, we were just on a break, which I'm not convinced of since neither one of us said we wanted that shit, but whatever,” Richard says, pressing his forearm to the wall and leaning on it. “Now you’re back so, break’s over.”
My mouth drops open. His does the thing that drew me in from the start; half of it lifting into a smile that looks both cute and inexplicably sexy. Then he pushes off from the wall, steps into me, and cups my face with both hands.
Hands that aren’t as big or rough and feel so different now that I’ve felt another’s.
“All of that shit I said and everything we’ve been fighting about, that’s not me. You know me, Riley. How long have we been doing this?”
“A long time,” I reply hoarsely.
“Year and a half,” he clarifies, making my heart feel heavy. “We’ve got roots in this. You’re the most important thing in my life. No way is a fight like that gonna tear us apart, baby. No fucking way.”
My stomach drops.
“Baby,” CJ moans when I lean over and suck him into my mouth.
“I love you, Riley.”
My lip starts trembling as tears build behind my lashes.
What have I done?
“I thought we were broken up,” I whisper with a shaky voice.
He gives me a look like he understands, but he doesn't. He can't.