After the sci-fi/fantasy panel called “New Trends in Other Worlds” and a session previewing the biggest upcoming movie releases, we headed outside to a landscaped courtyard to kill the hour before the costume contest started. Grass, a scattering of flowers, a single tree—all tokens to remind us of the boring and normal earthbound world we knew, so easy to forget about in the windowless hotel conference rooms. Nobody was what they wanted to be, anymore. They were back to being people trying to eat their sandwiches without spilling on their costumes, drink their lattes without ruining their makeup.
We found a patch of lawn we could claim as our own and James jingled his keys. “I’ll make a run to the McDonald’s down the road. Who wants what?”
After we gave him our orders, which he actually wrote down on a pad, he turned to Kendall. “I’ll need some help. Want to come with me?”
“Yes, please,” she said, and they left.
Eliza stretched out on the ground and put her head in Max’s lap. I opened up my new book and Camden looked over my shoulder, and we began to read. We were too tired to speak, too busy processing the day. My phone sat like a dead weight in my bag.
When Kendall and James came back with the food, she looked stricken.
“What’s the matter?” I asked her. James went straight to sit with Max and Eliza.
“Bathroom,” she whispered as she leaned down to hand Camden and me our bags.
“You feeling sick?”
“Meet me in the bathroom!” she whispered louder.
Camden and I exchanged a look, then I followed her inside. The hotel hallway was crowded and I almost lost her a few times, but eventually, somehow, we ended up locked in a handicapped stall together. She crumpled against the wall, put her face in her hands.
“That was so horrifying,” said Kendall.
“Jamie?”
She only nodded.
“Tell me,” I said.
“‘Kendall,’” said Kendall, in a weird dumb-guy voice. “‘You know I like you as a friend, right? You know I’m not looking for anything romantic, right?’”
I stepped forward and put my hand on her head. “Because you’re supposed to magically know.”
“He’d be such a jerk, if he weren’t so great.”
I paused. “I’m sorry, Ken. Maybe it’s for the best, with you leaving and all.”
She gave me a dirty look. “Don’t try to help. I just want to be sad and pissed for a while. And the worst part is, I’m stuck at this stupid SuperCon with him until tonight.”
“You’re not with him. You’re with me. And Camden and Max.”
“And she who shall not be named.” Kendall laughed a bit, but the weight of her emotions pulled down the corners of her mouth again. “Why doesn’t he like me?” she asked.
“Camden told me James had a bad breakup last year. Maybe he does, but he’s afraid.”
I’d never been here before, giving relationship advice to Kendall. I felt like a fraud. Who was I to pretend I had any wisdom?
“None of that helps me.” Kendall looked up at me. “Why is it so easy for everyone else? Last year you wanted a boyfriend and boom, there was Lukas as your boyfriend. Then you wanted Camden and boom, there was Camden as your . . . Camden. What is wrong with me that I can’t make it happen?”
I was quiet. I didn’t want to echo the default answer—there’s nothing wrong with you.
“The boom may be easy, but everything else that comes after it is totally not.”
“I would welcome the everything else,” said Kendall. “If someone would only go there with me.”
Kendall and I ate our Happy Meals in the hotel lobby. We were silent, chewing and drinking and people-watching. It felt a little like being in the cafeteria at school with her. We didn’t need to talk; simply being present for her heartbreak was enough. Then she left to go for a walk while I met the others for the costume contest.
The room was filling up fast and I searched the crowd for Camden. I thought I saw him by the water fountain, but when I got closer, I realized it was the other Azor. The reboot version. Which would have been horrifying on multiple levels.
“Hey,” said the right Azor with a hand on my shoulder. “We were starting to worry you wouldn’t make it. Is Kendall okay?”
“Not really,” I said.
“Do you want to leave?” he asked, but I could tell he didn’t want me to say yes.
“No.”
“Don’t stay for Eliza.”
“This is for me. A hundred percent.” And for you, I wanted to add.
“Good.” He smiled. “But I’m sorry about Kendall. I talked to Jamie about her, like you asked. I didn’t think he was going to—”
“Azor! Satina!” barked Eliza from nearby. “We’re saving you seats!”
We followed the sound of her voice until we found her and Max. They were sitting right in front of the reboot group.
“Hi again,” I said to Reboot Satina, who waved back at me.
Eliza pulled me down into my chair. “What are you doing? You’re fraternizing with the competition.”
“I’m celebrating the Satina sisterhood.”
“Not when there’s a group cosplay title on the line, you don’t.”
I laughed, thinking she was joking, but she glared at me. Okay, then. I scanned the room and spotted James over near the stage, fiddling with his camera. Was I supposed to hate him now? I didn’t want to hate him. He didn’t feel hateable.