Kendall met Jamie’s eyes in the rearview mirror. God, I was so grateful she was here.
After we parked at the fairgrounds and Kendall popped the trunk, Max went to the back of the car and took out the garment bags, then handed me mine. A steady stream of people were filing past the car, and this didn’t feel as safe and reassuring as Camden’s bathroom. I froze, trying to figure out how I was going to do it. If I was going to do it.
“Come over here,” said Kendall, pulling me by the hem of my shirt to the Christ the King Church van parked head-to-head with us. There was an RV parked next to it, and that created a tall alley in between. The closest thing to privacy I was going to find.
Kendall helped me put on Satina’s uniform, then the wig. We checked it in the gigantic side view mirror of the RV.
“I thought you thought this was silly,” I said to her in the reflection, where she was still Kendall and I was definitely not still Ari.
Kendall paused, and one side of her mouth really wanted to smile. “I’m on the fence,” she said.
Someone knocked on the side of the RV. Max, in all his Bram glory except for the silver wig, which he held in his hand. He looked perfect.
“Let’s do this,” said Max.
Those first rickety steps away from the cars felt like I was trying out stiff new skin. As we joined the flow of people walking toward the fairground gates, we passed a group of kids from my French class who didn’t even recognize me. Maybe this would be all right.
The county fair always seemed so magical to me. The fact that a small, snow-covered field in winter could transform into a planet unto itself for seven glorious days in the middle of summer. Every inch of grass packed with booths and rides. The livestock buildings that sit empty most of the year densely alive with animals and noises and smells. The lights and colors, which somehow look artificial and natural at the same time. When I was younger, I would imagine that the fair was always happening in some alternate dimension, but we could only see it for that one special week.
Once inside the gates, we huddled in front of a cotton candy booth so Max could check his phone.
“They’re here,” he said. “We’re supposed to meet them at the Ferris wheel.”
The Ferris wheel was in its customary corner of the fairgrounds, set against an iconic mix of sky and clouds as if it had brought its own backdrop. We walked over to it, but saw no Camden or Eliza. Max checked his phone again.
“She says they’re on the other side where the exit is. She says you should go look, Ari.”
“Me?”
Max shrugged. I exchanged a confused glance with Kendall and walked around the base of the Ferris wheel, past people who had just gotten off. A small patch of grass and then a chain-link fence separated the fair from the sad yet alluring shantytown of carny workers’ RVs.
But then, there was also this:
Azor Ray, coming toward me.
Azor Ray, in his familiar collarless maroon tunic with the buttons down one side, the black pants and the shiny black boots. His eyes full of purpose.
I caught my breath because Azor often made me catch my breath. Something about him had a direct line to the center of me.
Then I caught my breath again. Because this was not Eliza. Too tall to be Eliza. Too Azor to be Eliza.
It was Camden.
In Azor’s clothes. In Azor’s hair, which was barely a shade darker than Camden’s but shorter and neat and parted hard on one side. A wig. It was so obvious, suddenly, how much they naturally resembled each other.
Camden, Azor. Azor, Camden. Camdenazorcamden.
He stepped toward me and smiled.
“What?” I said, feeling like I’d suddenly changed from a solid to a liquid. Where had my bones gone? What was holding me up?
“Hey, Satina,” said Camden. “Wait, sorry. That was stupid.” He cleared his throat and made a serious Azor face. “Hello, Specialist Galt. I am getting a highly excited pathos wave from you.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, taking one step toward him. “When did this happen?”
“A few days ago,” replied Camden, as Camden again. “I thought it would be a great surprise for you and see, I’m totally right.” His eyes traveled all over my costume and he appeared stricken. “You look amazing, by the way.”
I took another step. My left hand brushed his right one, and our fingers intertwined.
“You did this for me?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I knew we’d barely kissed a couple of times. I knew we were in a public place, surrounded by people, and our friends were waiting for us. I knew I was not a bold girl, a brash girl, a girl who took what she wanted when she wanted it. All these things I knew tumbled away.
“Come here,” I said, yanking him toward me.