“And what did Sam do?”
“He kept riding, I guess. He shouted at me to come back.” He wiped a tear away, sniffled. “He yelled he was sorry. But I just kept riding.”
I didn’t know Sam had said he was sorry. I felt a pang then.
Mrs. Keller rubbed Josh’s head, touched his cheek. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
“I’ll go find your parents,” Mr. Keller said, heading off toward the woods.
Beyond him, I watched the entry to Pine Forest Estates, hoping against hope that, right then, Sam would ride up the little slope on his bike. I was ready to yell at him, and hug him, too.
“We’ll find him, Beth,” Mrs. Keller said, putting her hand on my shoulder. I stepped away, staring off in vain toward where I hoped Sam might appear.
I sometimes later wished that I could do that moment all over. I wish I would have just stood there and enjoyed the touch of her hand. I sometimes wish I would have turned around and hugged her and let her comfort me. But instead I stood there, apart, clutching myself like I was cold, waiting. It’s like I knew it was the beginning of a new sort of life—a new life for all of us—and I was bracing for what was yet to come.
===
Mr. Keller told Mom and Earl what had happened when he found them in the woods, and by the time they got back to our house they were frantic. We all trekked back to our house. Earl called the police, who seemed to ask a ton of annoying questions. Finally, an hour later, when it was full-on dark, the police came, a man and a woman. The man was tall with thick brown hair and matching thick eyebrows, and he was chewing gum, which seemed inappropriate. The woman seemed much more like someone official—she had dark skin, and her black hair was pinned back, and she smiled at us before putting on a serious, let’s-get-down-to-business face. They talked to Mom and Earl and the Kellers. Then they spoke with Josh and me.
Josh was first, with all of the adults looking on in our living room. That room we never used, which was so quiet and undisturbed, now violated by all of this activity, by all these people. I stood and watched from the foyer, waiting my turn.
Josh didn’t tell them the entire truth. For one thing, he didn’t tell them that I’d known all along that they’d both gone off on their bikes to the mall. He covered for me. He’d started crying again, and I almost wished I was sitting next to him, holding his hand. But it was his mom sitting with him on the couch. It was her hand he was holding. I was leaning against the wall in the foyer, by myself.
When the policewoman, Officer Redmond, sat me down on the couch to go through my version of the story, I told her what I had told my mother. That as far as I knew Sam had gone off with Josh to ride their bikes in the woods at around two or three. She had this calming smile that made me think that everything was going to be okay.
Mom sat watching across from me on one of the boxy upholstered chairs, her eyes strained from fear. My hands were clenched fists at my sides. After Officer Redmond had finished with her questions, Earl came and sat next to me on the couch. He put his arm around me and said, “It’s okay, Beth. It’ll be okay.”
I nodded, feeling the heft of him next to me. Feeling a little stunned by it. He’d never shown me this type of affection. I looked over at Mom. I wanted to see something in her eyes—forgiveness, or even anger. But she just looked blank.
The Kellers finally left, Josh giving me one last sad glance before they returned to their home where no one was missing.
Later, I crawled into my bed and fell asleep. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. It was cold. I guess Earl finally decided to run the AC on low, to spare us from feeling hot on top of everything else.
I sensed someone was in my room. I could hear quiet breathing. I adjusted my eyes to the darkness and saw Mom standing by the window, looking through the blinds, her form slightly illuminated by the moonlight outside. I watched her for as long as I could, and I almost said something—Sorry, Mom, I’m so sorry—but then I sensed her turn to look at me and I shut my eyes quickly. I listened as she left my room, shutting the door softly behind her.
I kept my eyes closed, but I never fell back asleep. Sam was out there, somewhere, and I was mad at him for doing this to us. And then I was scared for him. And then I started crying, wishing I could go back in time and grab him and tell him there was no way he was going to the mall. He was going to stay right here in this damned stuffy house with me.
===
When I drive up to the house, I expect—I don’t know, a scene? But there’s nothing like that. Mom’s car is there, and so is Earl’s. There’s an ugly gray sedan I don’t recognize. And a police car. That’s it.
I park and sit in the driveway for a minute. I grab my phone from my bag—three texts from Donal, one asking me what’s wrong, the next saying sorry if I got in trouble, then the last one just three question marks. I put it on silent and throw it back in my bag. I get out of the car, and right then I feel a chill, like I have a fever.
I don’t want to go inside.
But I have to. I have to see him.
I don’t know where Sam has been. Where do you go for three years? Without getting in touch, without letting us know you are alive? What happened? I can’t even imagine what he looks like now.
I slowly open the door and walk into the kitchen. I hear voices from the den. I could turn around, go back outside, and drive away. But Earl walks into the kitchen, his eyes puffy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry. He comes to me and pulls me into a hug. “He’s come back to us,” he says, his voice cracking. I sink further into him, holding on tight. “Come see your brother.”
I pull back and look up at him. “Where—I mean, what—”
Earl puts a finger to his lips, shakes his head. Now is not the time for questions, he seems to be saying. All of that can wait.
In the den, I see the police officer—the same one who interviewed me when Sam vanished. Officer Redmond. When she sees me, she smiles. There’s a man in a suit, too, with thick black hair, and Officer Redmond’s partner, that same tall, slouchy guy who’s chewing gum, like last time. They’re all standing around like they’re unsure what to do. On the couch I see Mom sitting up straight. Her eyes are closed, a content look on her face, like she’s having a pleasant daydream. She’s clutching a teenage boy with shaggy brown hair who is sitting next to her, his eyes closed, too, his head resting on her shoulder.
I feel a tightness in my chest, because at first it’s like I’m looking at Mom with some stranger. With his eyes closed, it’s hard for me to get a good look at him. He could be anyone.