“Dad didn’t abandon us,” he said. “He abandoned you.”
I struggled to breathe, to look Charlie in the eyes and call him a liar. Tell him he was the worst fucking brother in the universe. That I would have been better off an only child. But I didn’t say any of those things. I didn’t say anything at all.
“He was so ashamed of what a pathetic loser you were that he couldn’t stand being around you. Everyone you care about either runs away or kills themselves, and you think I’m a fuckup.”
I shoved Charlie out of my room and slammed the door. I leaned against it, slid to the floor, and put my head in my hands. I wasn’t crying because of what Charlie said; I was crying because, deep down, I knew he was right.
? ? ?
All day at school, I couldn’t stop thinking about my fight with Charlie. About what he’d said. When my parents divorced, they didn’t sit me and Charlie down to explain what was happening. One day Dad was just gone, and we stopped talking about him like he’d never existed in the first place. All traces that he’d ever lived at our house disappeared. In my heart I’d always known he’d taken off because of me. It wasn’t a coinci-dence that he left only a few weeks after my first abduction.
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I hardly knew what was going on around me at school. I ignored Audrey when she asked me if I wanted help studying for our next chemistry exam, I blew past Ms. Faraci before she could keep me after class again, and I planned on ditching Diego at lunch too. I was on my way to my locker when Marcus pulled me into an empty art room. Sketches done in charcoal and pencil plastered the walls, and I wondered which ones, if any, belonged to Diego.
“What the hell, Marcus?” He’d nearly yanked my arm out of the socket, and I’d already been abused enough for one day.
Marcus was fidgety. His eyes were wide and manic, his shirt was untucked, and a cluster of pimples that reminded me of the constellation Andromeda dotted his forehead, but he still smelled like summer. “How’s it going, Space Boy?”
“Don’t call me Space Boy.” A growl crouched in my throat.
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”
The classroom was empty, but Mr. Creedy often let students work on projects during lunch, so I expected we wouldn’t be alone for long. “Aren’t you afraid of being seen talking to Space Boy, or are you going to throw more nickels at me?”
Marcus shook his head. His bangs fell over his forehead, and he flicked them back. “No . . . I missed you, Henry.”
I tapped my lips with the tip of my finger. “Wouldn’t it be great if we had a magical device that allowed two people to talk over long distances any time they wanted? They could call it a talky-box.”
Marcus closed the gap between us and placed his hand flat against my chest. I felt the familiar tingle, and I hated that I missed it. “I know you don’t believe me, but I like you. I don’t want us to be over.”
We were so close, I could feel the heat radiating off his skin. I wanted to tell him that I missed him too. It would have been easy to give in and go to some storage closet, to kiss him and forget about all the yesterdays and tomorrows. But I couldn’t forget wanting to die by his pool the night of the party, or walking home because he thought I was a joke. “I can’t be one thing to you behind the bleachers and another in front of your friends.”
Marcus sneered. “I get it. You’ve got a new boyfriend, and you don’t need me anymore.”
“Boyfriend? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve seen you together at lunch.”
“Diego?” Marcus flinched when I said the name. “He’s a friend, nothing more.”
“Was I just someone you banged to get over your dead boyfriend?”
Marcus had never spoken to me like that before. I honestly didn’t think he cared enough about me to be jealous. “No! Jesus, Marcus.”
“Then come to my house tonight. My parents are attending a fund raiser and won’t be home until late.” Gone was the swagger he used like a glamour to hide this needy boy who was begging me to come home with him.
“If I say yes, how long before the next time you humiliate me to amuse your friends?”
“It won’t be like that.”
“I want to believe you. . . .”
“Space Boy, you were my first.” His voice trembled. I hadn’t known, which made it worse.
I wanted to stay angry, but this Marcus would have invited me to his party. He would have introduced me to his friends. This was the most real he’d ever been, but it wouldn’t last. The moment we walked out of the classroom, his cocksure veneer, the spit and polish, would return. I wasn’t going to spend my last days on Earth as the butt of his jokes. I may not be sure I want to live, but I’m sure I don’t want to live like that.
“Marcus, I can’t.”
His armor snapped into place. The vulnerable boy I might have said yes to disappeared, and I’m not sure I’ll ever see him again. “I’m not surprised Jesse hanged himself. I’m just surprised he didn’t do it sooner.” Marcus shoved me against the wall as he stormed out.