Nothing matters. If I don’t press the button, the world will end in 140 days. Marcus’s party, Charlie’s baby, Mom’s job, Nana’s memory. None of it matters. The sluggers didn’t give me a choice, they gave me freedom.
So what if Marcus hadn’t invited me? He hadn’t not invited me. No matter what happened, I could always let the world end and the universe forget. It would forget the party and Calypso and Earth. It would forget Charlie and Zooey and Marcus and Mom and Nana. It had already forgotten Jesse, and if I let it, it would forget me, too.
I could write my name across the sky, and it would be in invisible ink.
? ? ?
I showered and dressed, settling on jeans and a short-sleeve plaid shirt I’d borrowed from Jesse once and never returned. It had looked better on him, but that was true of everything. My hair was hopeless, so I did my best to make it appear purposely messy.
My stomach roiled as uncertainty gnawed at my apathy--fueled courage. I doubted Marcus would be thrilled I was crashing his party, and I wasn’t sure whether I was going because I didn’t care or because I was hoping to prove that Marcus did.
Mom, Charlie, and Zooey were still talking in the kitchen; at least they seemed to have agreed upon a temporary cease-fire, probably thanks to Zooey, who’s far more level-headed than either my mom or brother. Nana was reading a book on the couch and watching Bunker. I waved when I left, but she didn’t notice.
Audrey Dorn was waiting in the driveway in her cobalt blue BMW, a present from her parents on her sixteenth birthday. She smiled when I climbed into the car, and leaned toward me like she was going to hug me, but hesitated and reversed course when she saw the look on my face.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“I was surprised you called.” Even wearing Jesse’s shirt I felt underdressed compared to Audrey. She was wearing jeans too, but hers probably cost more than my mom made in a month, and her silver halter top sparkled like the noon sun on a calm ocean. “You used to hate parties.”
“I still do.”
“Did Marcus invite you?”
“No.”
Audrey mmmhhhmmmed at that, which made me regret calling her. I wouldn’t have, but Marcus lives on the other side of Calypso, and it was too warm outside to walk. She put the car in gear and sped off. At least she hadn’t pestered me about why I was going.
“You ready for the chem exam?” Audrey asked. I’d never driven with her, and it was a strange experience. She drove with both hands on the wheel, checked her mirrors religiously, and always used her turn signals. She even kept the music so low I could barely hear it.
“No.”
“I’d heard Faraci was supposed to be an easy A.”
“Joke’s on you. Maybe she’ll zone out and accidentally mix sodium phosphide with water and kill us all with phosphine gas.”
Audrey giggled, but it sounded forced and more like a hiccup. “I’ve missed you, Henry.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Audrey was doing me a favor driving me to Marcus’s party, but I’d only called her out of desperation. Sometimes I wondered if I was being too hard on her. We’d both lost Jesse, and most of the time I thought we were both to blame for his suicide. But it was easier to stay mad at her, and it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. I pulled a ten-dollar bill from my pocket and stuffed it in the cup holder. “For gas.”
We drove the rest of the way in silence.
? ? ?
Marcus lives in a mansion. Not one of those faux McMansions that everyone seems to live in these days, but an actual mansion with two garages, twelve bedrooms, a formal dining room, and a kitchen the size of a tennis court, which is ludicrous to me since, as far as I know, Mr. and Mrs. McCoy never cook.
Audrey drove past the security gate and parked on the side of the winding driveway. Sloppy rows of expensive cars sparkled under the decorative lights strung from the palm trees that kept vigil over the yard.
I was a fraud; I didn’t belong. No one had invited me, and no one would miss me if I fled.
“If you’re having second thoughts, we can grab a bite at Sweeney’s instead.” Audrey was in my head, and I wanted her out. “I haven’t eaten there in ages.”
“Me neither.” In fact, I hadn’t been to Sweeney’s since the last time Audrey, Jesse, and I had gone together. We’d shared a tower of onion rings and celebrated Jesse being cast as Seymour in the CHS production of Little Shop of Horrors. Jesse sang all the time. He was singing the night I realized I loved him. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn he’d been singing when he died.
“Henry?”
I shook Jesse from my thoughts. “If you knew the world was going to end, and you alone had the power to prevent it, would you?”
“Of course.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
A shiny black pickup truck parked beside Audrey’s car, and four girls from our class spilled out, chatting and smiling, probably sharing the delusion that they were going to have the best night of their lives. “Give me one reason why you think humanity deserves to live.”
I recognized the look she was giving me. The poor--pathetic--Henry look that made me want to gouge out her eyes with a plastic knife. “If this is about Jesse—”
“Forget it.”