“I’ve already spoken to Nick. And I wasn’t screwing around behind his back.”
“You’re married! And you were screwing me! Most people would call that cheating, Charly. Decent people at least.”
Okay, so that hurt. But it’s nothing I don’t deserve.
“You don’t know everything.” I take a step forward.
He takes one back. “And I don’t want to. We’re done here.”
He turns to walk away from me.
“We’re nowhere near done!” I yell. “I came all the way here, and you will listen to what I have to tell you!”
“The hell I will!” He turns back to me. “I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say! You lied to me! Jesus! You even told me about Nick, that he was your gay roommate, and all along, he was your fucking husband! How fucking warped is your mind?”
“Nick is gay! And he is my roommate! He’s my best friend and my family! And he’s Canadian! He came here on a student visa, and when he graduated, he couldn’t get residency because he didn’t have a permanent job. He was looking at deportation, so I came up with the idea that we get married, so he could stay in the country because he was all I had in the world, and I didn’t want to lose him!” I break off, panting.
Vaughn is just standing there, staring at me, saying nothing.
“I wanted to tell you,” I say in a softer voice. “I was going to tell you when we got back to Vegas because I realized that I wanted…you. All of you. And I knew I couldn’t have you without you knowing the truth. But the press beat me to it, and I’m so sorry for that, Vaughn. You don’t know how sorry I am.” I press my hand to my chest, making my way off the porch and onto the drive, so there are only a few feet left between us.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I couldn’t tell you in the beginning because we were just sleeping together, and what I did, marrying Nick…I broke the law. If the authorities found out, then I would face jail, and Nick would be deported.”
“So, why are you telling me now? I could go to the police. Tell them. Have Nick deported.”
I swallow down. “Because you have a right to know the truth. The actual truth. You deserve to know. And I trust you. But, if you need to tell the authorities, then I’ll face that, whatever happens. But Nick…he has no one back in Canada. His family threw him out when he came out to them. His whole life, his career, is in New York.” My throat is starting to burn, my eyes stinging with tears. “Punish me for hurting you. But not him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
He sighs and scrubs his hands over his face. “Okay,” he says, dropping his hands.
“Okay?”
“Okay. You’ve told me. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“But you and I are done.”
And my heart shatters into a million pieces.
“I admire what you did for your friend. Even though it’s illegal, it was a selfless thing to do. But you lied to me, Charly. You lied for months. You looked me in the eye day after day and didn’t tell me. I don’t trust you anymore.” He rubs his hands over his head. “And you humiliated me, and I have been humiliated enough this year to last me a fucking lifetime.”
He doesn’t want me anymore.
“You…you said you loved me…that you’re in love with me.” The words physically hurt me.
He looks away. “I don’t trust you anymore. And, without that, we have nothing.”
And there it is.
I’m never going to see him again. Except that I will see his face everywhere, in magazines and on-screen.
It’s going to be so hard to be reminded that I had him and I lost him, and I only have myself to blame.
I’ll never get to be close to him again. Never kiss him or hold him or make love to him.
A ball of pain forms in my chest and ruptures. I’ve never felt anything like it.
I press a hand to my chest, expecting to see blood there.
But there’s nothing.
Then, something wet and hot runs down my cheek, hitting my lip.
I touch a finger to it. Pulling it away, I see a tear sitting on the tip of it.
I’m crying.
I swallow past the aching, burning pain I feel. “Vaughn.”
He looks up at me.
“I love you. I’m not saying that to try and win you back. I know that I had my chance, and I ruined it. But I couldn’t leave without telling you.” I brush the falling tears away with the back of my hand.
Forcing myself to move, I go back up the porch and get my case.
It’s time to go.
I walk toward him, not taking my eyes from him. He’s not looking at me. His eyes are on the ground.
I will him to look at me, but he doesn’t.
Reaching him, I stop a foot away. But the gap between us feels an awful lot bigger.
Silence stretches.
He finally looks at me.
I force myself to smile. I know it’s a sad smile, but it’s the best I can manage while my heart is breaking. “What we had…it was and always will be the most important time in my life. I’ll remember it and you forever.”
I go to touch him one last time. I step closer, just to touch my hand to his arm, but he moves away.
He doesn’t even want me to touch him.
The rejection stings my cheeks and brings on a fresh set of tears. I force myself to smile through them even though my lips are trembling and my heart is dying.
“Have the best life, Vaughn West. Be happy. You, more than anyone, deserve it.”
One last look at him, and then I walk away, pulling my case behind me. I don’t look back.
Tears are streaming down my face. I bite my lip to stop the sob that wants to burst out of me.
All I want is to lie down on the grass and curl up into a ball, but I force myself to keep going while my hand rubs away tears that won’t stop falling.
I guess, when you open the dam, a fuck-load of water comes rushing out.
I keep walking, not sure of what I’m doing or where to go. I can see Vaughn’s parents’ house coming up, and I don’t want them to see me.
They must hate me. I kind of hate myself right now.
So, I keep my focus ahead and walk quickly.
I need to get a cab and get out of here. Only I don’t know the numbers of any cab companies. I’ve just got to pray Uber works around here.
I just need to get off the farm and onto the main road, and then I can take a breath and figure out how to get to the airport.
I can just stay there until there’s a flight out of here. God, I don’t even know if there’s a direct flight to New York.
“Charly.”
The sound of Vaughn’s grandma’s voice brings me to a stop. I covertly dry my face on my hand and take a breath before turning to her.
“Hi,” I say.
She smiles. “You’re leaving?”
I glance back at Vaughn’s house. “Yes. Look, I’m really sorry about Vaughn…what happened—”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
Her words surprise me.