They took me to the Mount Sinai in Queens. I was in the ER for two hours before a doctor even saw me because I looked fine. I was so young, and I looked fine, but I wasn’t fine. Finally, when they brought me in, the doctor had me do a really simple thing where she was like, “Put your right hand on your left knee,” and I couldn’t do it because I was confused. Then they freaked out, and they were like, “Oh my God. She’s having a stroke,” because it was very obvious that I was having one. If anyone did any simple stroke test on me, they would’ve known right away.
The second day at the hospital I started talking, and in the middle of the night I remember waking up and shouting, “Aubrey Plaza!” Then I started talking and then they transferred me to the hospital in Delaware, so I could be near my family. I was there for a little bit. There’s not much you can do sometimes with strokes. They can keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t get worse, but your brain has to heal itself.
I could say some words. A lot of them were the wrong words. I remember in the hospital, they would ask me the same questions over and over. “How old are you?” Sometimes I would say sixteen. It was the only number I could get out. I don’t know why. Then Joe, my boyfriend at the time, was like, “You’re not sixteen. She’s nineteen. You know, she’s not sixteen.” Then he’d be like, “Wait, are you sixteen? What is going on?” Because he didn’t know what the fuck was going on. He was like, “If you’re sixteen, we have to have a talk.” He was freaking out. That was the first time he met my parents. We had been dating for over a year. They came to the ER. They met in the ER.
That gives you an indication of the level of anxiety I have. Because essentially it was stress related.
CHELSEA PERETTI—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I just stare at people with small noses, and I marvel and I think, “God, your life must be so easy.” Girls with small noses, I will stare at them and stare at their profile, like, “What an easy laugh and a small nose. Your life must be so easy.”
WHITNEY CUMMINGS—COMEDIAN, WRITER, PRODUCER, ACTOR
Being attractive brings up a set of issues with yourself. The more attractive someone is, usually the less attractive they think they are.
For me, I may be an attractive comedian, but I was an ugly model. As a model, I was always the ugliest and the fattest. I would get fired from jobs on the spot. I was told my ribs were too big so I couldn’t fit into a dress. It’s like I was always the ugly girl but just in a different echelon.
JUDD APATOW—COMEDIAN, DIRECTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER
When someone is laughing, I know they don’t dislike me. I don’t know if they like me, but I know in that moment they don’t dislike me, and that’s why I get the need for constant approval, because if you’re smiling, I know you don’t hate me. I don’t know if it’s positive, but it’s not in the negative.
Steven Spielberg, who I used to work for at Dreamworks, was trying to reach me to let me know he liked Knocked Up, and I so wanted a letter from him. Paul Feig got one when we made Freaks and Geeks, and I was so jealous that he got a letter from Spielberg saying that he loved Freaks and Geeks, and I didn’t return the call and I told my assistant, “Can you say Judd’s out of town and is it possible that he could write a note just so I could have the letter?” I knew a compliment was coming and I’m so wounded I needed to have it forever.
He sent me the dream letter, the beautiful letter with nothing but kindness. I have it. What happened afterward was I thought to myself, “This is the best you can do. Who else do I want to compliment me? How many of these do I need to feel good about my work and myself?” and how it doesn’t last, and the wound is still there.
SUE COSTELLO—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
My therapist told me, “I bet you people have been nice to you your whole life and you haven’t seen it.” Literally it took me like five days to deal with that. Because she was right.
JANEANE GAROFALO—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
Some days I’m feeling pretty good. I’m pleased with who I am. There’s other days where I literally, I’m a bad match for myself like a terrible Match.com profile. I am the worst person for myself. I’m as down as down can get. I can’t even put my finger on why.
Usually it’s brought on by something. It can be something I see in the news or something someone says or I overhear. It’s going to sound like I’m trying to be so noble and I don’t want to come off like I’m being that way. It usually revolves around if I see somebody being bullied or if I see animals being mistreated. Animals do have advocates, but they don’t have as many advocates as humans do. They can’t speak for themselves, just like with little children. Animals don’t have the advocates in place that humans do to a degree. I can see someone in the dog park manhandling their dog and I’m done for the day. I’m so down. I don’t know, I can’t explain it.
Marc
You feel the pain of the animal. The vulnerability and its inability to help itself.
Janeane
Exactly. If I accidentally channel-surf past Animal Cops and just catch a snippet, I’m down for the count for the day.
TERRY GROSS—RADIO HOST
I think one of my gifts is also one of my weaknesses, which is I have an antenna for other people. My friends and my producers might disagree with me about this. I think I have an antenna that picks up on what other people are feeling, but there’s something good and bad about that. The bad thing is you’re always wondering, “Oh, I think I hurt somebody’s feelings. Oh, I think I said the wrong thing. Oh, I think they hate me. Oh, they just moved their mouth in such a way and I think they meant to say something bad and they stopped.” It’s like reading other people and guessing them and feeling what you think they’re feeling.
But that’s the thing as an interviewer, you want to be thinking, “What are they thinking now, what are they feeling now? What do they think when they go about their lives? What’s their typical life like? What was it like for them when they experienced that trauma?” And that guides me in figuring out what to ask them, but it also makes me very nervous. A little insecure.
BEN STILLER—ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR
To me sometimes there are days when I really have trouble making a phone call. Do you ever have that feeling where you just say, “I don’t know if I can really get it up to just engage with somebody I don’t know”?
LOUIS CK—COMEDIAN, WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, ACTOR