TERRY GROSS—RADIO HOST
My sophomore year instead of going to college I hitchhiked cross-country. My parents were very upset about it. Now that I’m the age that I am I think, “My gosh, no wonder they were so upset.” But my attitude then was, “You’re not telling me what to do. I’m an adult, you don’t control me anymore.”
DAN HARMON—DIRECTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER
For those of us who are not prodigies, who are not blowing minds by fifteen, I think it’s better to grow up in a smaller town. You have this sandbox for you. You can more easily decide at twenty-two that you want to do stand-up, or you want to be a writer.
In Milwaukee if you stood on the street corner and said, “I’m a welder,” and you did that three days in a row, sooner or later someone’s going to give you a job welding. The same went for writers.
We didn’t get paid anything, but in the five years from when I declared myself a writer, I was working for the mayor, I was doing radio shows. Within Milwaukee I was given every opportunity that I thought I wanted. If I wanted to write a play I could write a play. If I wanted to do a radio commercial for Bacardi, there was always some ad campaign that would come through and they wanted a cheap writer. It was a nice place to cut your teeth.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
I started keeping a journal when I was around twenty. Kept it up until I went to law school, so for about seven years. Sometimes I go back and I read the stuff, and I’m still the same guy, which is good.
Stuff’s changed in the sense that stuff that was bugging you, by the time you’re fifty-three, either you worked it out or you’ve just forgiven yourself and you’ve said, “Look, this is who I am.” I think at that age you’re still trying to figure out, “Who are you? How do I live? What’s my code? What’s important to me? What’s not important to me?” You’re sorting through all kinds of contradictions.
By the time you get into your fifties, hopefully a lot of those have been resolved. You’ve come to terms and come to peace with some stuff, and then some stuff you’ve just said, “Well, you know what, that’s just who I am. I’ve got some flaws, I’ve got some strengths, and that’s okay.”
PAUL SCHEER
I think I had a good escape back then in a way. I loved TV and movies. I listened to Smothers Brothers albums. I had all my dad’s old Smothers Brothers albums. It was fun to sit and hear that. I remember even reading an article, I think it was a Smothers Brothers article where I think they had some messed-up parents. I remember thinking, “Oh. Okay. That’s cool because maybe they had messed-up parents. I have messed-up parents. It evens out.”
SEXUALITY
“An Obliteration of Self”
I’m not perfect or healthy in terms of intimacy or sex. I have been very open about myself in those areas. I’m fortunate that I am a comedian and have that freedom. It’s part of my act and my life. I have played a part in ruining a couple of marriages and I try to learn from my mistakes.
My sexuality and my private life at times have been shameful because I did things I am not necessarily proud of. That’s human. We are all flawed. That shame is personal. Adultery is bad. Making bad sexual decisions in your life can be bad, but if you are not breaking the law and you are hetero there’s some wiggle room. I am not culturally marginalized because of who I am sexually. There is no institutionalized prejudice against my desires the way there are to others.
Talking about this stuff is not always easy. Todd Glass is a friend and a great comic. I had him on the show in the early days. We talked about lots of things, but sexual orientation never came up. That’s not surprising. It doesn’t usually come up when two comics just sit around talking. Then Todd called a couple years later because he wanted to come on the show again, this time to talk about something specific that was very important to him. He wanted to come out publicly. It was the first time he said out loud that he is gay. I was honored and also nervous, because it was very personal and I never really had the conversation he wanted to have. I knew I just had to listen and be present for this life-changing discussion.
That moment for Todd happened in my garage, but it’s happened at other times and places for a lot of people who have been on my show. Dan Savage, Kevin Allison, Judy Gold, Cameron Esposito, James Adomian, and others talked with me about coming out and the impact it had on their lives.
It’s challenging for most people to be open and honest about sexuality. That’s why I’m grateful for people like Jim Norton and Margaret Cho, who spoke with complete candor about their sexual proclivities. Neil Strauss told me how his life spiraled out of control when he starting living out his sexual fantasies as a professional seducer of women. Amy Schumer told me about the trouble she has remembering good sex, while the bad experiences stay right there.
I am humbled and amazed by all of these talks. It is an honor to listen to stories about personal victories on all fronts. Earning the ability to shamelessly have the freedom to love and have sex with who you want and honor your desires is an inspiration.
JON HAMM—ACTOR, DIRECTOR
Getting a professional shave—it seems like it should be luxurious and then you realize, that’s what ladies do with their business all the time. And that’s not luxurious at all. That’s like a procedure. God bless them, like mazel tov, but holy cow, that seems brutal. And none of them describe it as anything but a horror show.
Marc
But there was a time that I remember in my life, I’m a little older than you, where that didn’t happen. You just took what was there, it was fine.
Jon
You were good to go.
I honestly think that’s the lesson to be learned. We’re good. Whatever you got is good. We will adapt.
Marc
We will work with that. Sometimes if there’s too much attention paid to the grooming, it’s a little off-putting.
Jon
I agree. And it feels like there’s an expectation. Of some kind of performance or something that maybe I’m not prepared to put in. If you look at a car that’s clearly been souped-up, you think, I don’t know, man, this probably takes a lot of skill.
AMY SCHUMER—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I don’t have any physical memory of sex. I had sex yesterday. I don’t really remember it physically. I’m like, “I know I had an orgasm, because I’m not mad,” but I can’t remember my last boyfriend’s penis. Those sexual memories, unless it’s an assault, I feel like they fade away for girls.
Marc
I think if you’re remembering penises, most of the time it’s not going to be in the positive.