“Is it awful being back here? I know you don’t enjoy it.”
But he came here for me. That says something.
It might say everything.
“It’s not terrible,” he answers. “You’re here.”
I am.
I’m here.
“What happened to you here,” I ask him, bringing up a tender subject. He flinches, but looks away.
“Nothing you need to worry about.”
“But I do,” I tell him. “I worry.”
He picks up my hand and holds it. “It isn’t about me here,” he says seriously. “It’s about you.”
I don’t like that answer, but he walks me to my room, and kisses my forehead before he leaves me.
To my surprise, I sleep. And when I wake, the picture Dare drew is on my nightstand, but I don’t remember putting it there.
Was he here while I slept?
I didn’t hear him.
He’s not at breakfast, so I search the grounds for him. The trails, the garage, the gardens. He’s nowhere to be found, but Sabine is, of course.
“Hello, child,” she greets me, her hands full of sod. I watch as she sifts the soil, as she plants and re-plants and prunes.
Why does everyone call me child?
“Good morning,” I greet her. “Have you seen Dare?”
She shakes her head.
“He was out walking earlier,” she offers. “But I think I saw him drive away.”
I wonder where he goes every day.
I sink to my knees next to Sabine.
“What was his childhood like?” I ask, hoping she’ll tell me what he won’t. “You must know because you were his nanny.”
“I was,” she nods. “But Olivia was very much present, very much involved. Not like Eleanor was to your mother. Eleanor was detached. Olivia was loving. His mother loved him, child, so there’s that.”
But something is in her voice, something that tells me that Olivia loving him was his only thing.
“What about Richard?” I ask hesitantly. A cloud passes over Sabine’s face.
“Richard never liked Dare,” she answers honestly. “He thought Dare was competing for Olivia’s affection, which is ridiculous. Dickie was cruel to Dare, but I did my best to protect him.”
My heart twinges because something in the tone of her voice, lets me know that her best wasn’t enough.
“What did he do to him?” I ask, and I’m honestly afraid to know.
She turns away.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s past. It’s done, and Dare paid for what he did.”
This starts me, snapping my head back.
“What do you mean by that? What did Dare do?”
She shakes her head. “It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter.”
But I know that it does.
It lives in Dare’s face,
It haunts his eyes.
Secrets are the same as lies, and I must uncover his truth.
I leave Sabine behind, but I feel her watching me as I go.
Chapter 20
Once I’m in the house, morning light floods the dining room, and through the window, I watch Sabine walk through the gardens, her gait hunched and slow.
She examines something growing, something viridem, green, before she hunches over to look at it. Tearing a leaf off, she chews it thoughtfully? before turning her gaze to mine.
Her eyes meet mine through the glass, and then she walks away.
She knows I’m going to hunt, I realize. And she’s not stopping me for a reason.
Maybe she wants me to know.
I find myself wandering through the hallways, ignoring the silence. The maids pretend they don’t see me, and I steer far clear of the wing with Eleanor’s office. I go down the East wing, a hall I haven’t explored yet.
Immediately upon setting foot down the corridor, I feel a stillness, an unexplained quiet. I instantly feel like I’m in another place, somewhere remote, somewhere where there is no life. I don’t even see any servants as I move over the polished marble floors.
I hesitate to even breathe loudly here, and I don’t really know why.