I peer into it, and I’m unprepared for the relief that flushes through me at the sight of the sand and the water.
“It looks a bit like the pictures your mother sent me,” Sabine says quietly. “From your home in America. These are the Seven Sisters Cliffs, and I thought you might like it here.” She hands me a basket, containing a blanket, my book, and some water.
“I have shopping to do at a few local farms. I’ll be back here in a couple of hours to retrieve you.”
I nod, touched by her thoughtfulness, and guilty that I hadn’t expected it from her. Her truck leaves me alone, and I’m so small next to the ocean.
I walk up and down the beach, my feet sinking in the damp sand.
The foam slides back and forth and I skirt it, heading away from it to the jagged white edges of the cliffs.
I’m at home here in this rugged place.
I’m at home on the edge, where any minute I can fall.
I climb and climb, and when I’m on top, I stare down at the world.
I’m big and it’s small, and the ocean is my buffer.
I spread my blanket, and open my book, and I lose myself in it.
I lose myself in a world that isn’t mine and for a while, that’s for the best.
I suck in my breath at the end, when Jane finally saves Mr. Rochester.
She saves him from loneliness and despair.
Is that what Dare needs saving from?
I drop the book in the basket and lift my face to the sun.
It bakes me, warms me, soothes me.
It’s when my eyes are closed that I see them.
The visions.
The memories.
Finn shouts.
Glass breaks.
Tires skid.
The water pounds the shore.
Metal bends and shrieks.
“Are you ok?” Dare asks, and his voice is afraid.
He wasn’t supposed to be there.
I can’t get away from that fact.
But I can’t, for the life of me, figure it out.
I can’t come to the truth.
A wall stands in my mind, blocking me,
Protecting me.
But I can’t be protected forever.
I have to tell you something.
It’s new.
A new memory.
From before the accident.
I startle, and focus.
Calla, I have to tell you something. You won’t understand. Please just listen before you decide I’m a monster.
My breath… it won’t come, and I try and try to inhale, and I try and try to remember more.
But that’s all.
Dare’s face is gone.
He’s afraid he’s a monster, and maybe he is.
I don’t know.
But being here, in the wind and the air, perhaps even at Whitley, is freeing me to remember. Everyone was right, the answers are here.
I feel it.
I just don’t like it.
The water crashes below me and it’s like a lullaby or a song, until it turns into sort of a snarl…then my name.
Calla.
It’s a whisper carried on the wind.
I open my eyes, and someone is staring at me.
The boy in the hood.
He’s on the edge of the water, his feet buried in the foam, and I can’t see his eyes.
I hesitate, then lift my hand.
He’s in my mind.
But why?
Is he a memory?
He cocks his head and I’m not afraid, and then he walks away into the sunlight.
Chapter 9
“Calla!”
It’s Dare shouting, and when I look, he’s standing below on the beach.
His pants are rolled up and there is sun in his hair.
I smile before I can stop myself, Because even though I shouldn’t, I want him.
I want him now.
I want him always.
He climbs to me and sits on the blanket and when he stares at me? his gaze is black.
“Sabine sent me,” he explains. “She’s going to be late and didn’t want you here alone.”
I nod, and I’m so thankful he’s here, because I’m tired of being alone.
My mind is a deep ocean and I’m drowning.
“You were afraid I’d think you’re a monster,” I tell him softly, and I watch his face carefully. His mouth tightens, but that’s his only reaction.
“Yes. Do you remember why?”
I sift a handful of sand through my fingers, watching each tiny piece.
“No. Not yet.”