Michael smiled sheepishly then got out of bed. He came back shortly after with his own coffee, and climbed back in beside her. “What is new in the world?” He gestured to the paper.
“Same old, same old. The UN High Commissioner for Refugees continues to urge the Soviet Republic to hand over full control of the Parnaas camp to them. Commandant Jaros, of course, has gone back to Moscow, never to be seen again. Zimbabwe is still a mess. Somalia’s getting worse. We’ve been thinking for a while that the Horn of Africa will be our next target.” He flinched, and she looked at him in surprise. “What?”
“Nothing.” Then after a long silence, he sighed. “It is something I need to learn to deal with. You going away to dangerous places without me.”
“It’s not an unreasonable fear,” Sophie said. “I felt the same way when you went to Orlisia last year. I understand.” She drew closer to him, and he rested his head in her lap. “The therapist can help you cope with those feelings. He’s worked with the spouses of some of our field workers, helping them deal with their fears while their partners are away.”
“Is it wrong for me to wish from time to time that you had selected a more conventional profession?”
“No. Sometimes I wish it myself. But it’s what I do, and I love it.” She looked down at her iPhone without seeing it. “Although I don’t know how I will bear it the first time I’m away from you for a month or two. I don’t even like being away from you for a day. We’ll both have some adjusting to do.”
“You getting hurt or being in danger when I am not there to protect you…that is the worst fear in my heart.”
Sophie felt her throat constrict at Michael’s confession. How could she not relate to what he was saying after everything that had happened in the last year?
“I know.” She groped for his hand and squeezed it, willing her tears away. “It’s hard for me to imagine you being frightened about anything, big, strong man that you are.”
He grinned and kissed the back of her hand. “I feel similarly about you, even though you are a small, weak woman. You also rarely show fear. Tell me, mana mila, what do you fear most?”
“I don’t like spiders.”
“I know that,” he said, grinning, “for I have killed many for you over the years. But that is not what you fear most in life, is it?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” She suddenly felt very uneasy. Sophie knew exactly what she feared most, but she didn’t like the idea of sharing it with him.
“I cannot believe this!” He sat up in bed. He was naked, and the sight of his body distracted her. “Could this be true? You refusing to communicate? With me? I never thought I would see this day.” She slapped at him, but he dodged her hand.
“Michael,” she warned. He turned the full force of his eyes on her, and her heart turned over in her chest. “Oh, for God’s sake. My fear is not much different than yours. I’m most afraid that you’ll leave me. For someone tall, beautiful, and slender, like your model girlfriend you were photographed with.” The last statement came out a little more tartly than she intended, but telling him this made her feel vulnerable.
He started to laugh, which annoyed Sophie. He confesses his greatest fear to me, and I’m overwhelmed with empathy. I tell him mine and he laughs. Terrific. She looked back down at her phone, a flush creeping over her face. He fell silent, then tipped her face up to him.
“You are not making a joke, are you? You are serious. That really is what you fear.”
“Yes, it is.” She tugged her chin away. “You shouldn’t have made me tell. It’s embarrassing.” But as quickly as she pulled away, he came right back into her face.
“Mana mila, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.” He cupped her face in his hands and stared at her with alarming intensity. “I love you beyond words. I have told you this so many times. How is it that you do not know this?”