But what difference does it make? I’m never going to see
Lawrence again. No one will in a week. Am I never supposed
to have another boyfriend out of loyalty to some guy I knew for
a month in the summer?
Brandon’s hand slides up my back, cupping my neck. His lips
brush against my forehead. My heart aches. Lawrence isn’t just
some guy I knew. He’s special. I can’t betray that. What I could
have with Brandon would be easy, but it would never be real.
What I have with Lawrence is real.
Jade’s words ring in my ears. The Cass I know wouldn’t let
anything stop her if she’d found real love.
The realization settles upon me all at once. What Lawrence
and I have… It’s real. It’s love. And Jade is right. That’s worth
fighting for.
This doesn’t have to be the end. I don’t know why I didn’t see
it this way all along. Just because the newspaper said he was
murdered doesn’t mean I have to accept that. Lawrence is here
now. He’s clearly not dead yet. We can fight this. We can make
sure he lives.
With a start, I pull away from Brandon.
“Is everything okay?”
“I need to go home, Brandon.”
“Um…”
He looks hurt. I have to think fast. “I feel really queasy.
Like…I think I’m going to puke.”
That backs him up quickly enough. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t—”
“It’s okay. I started to feel it in the restaurant, but I didn’t
want to ruin things. It was really nice of you to take me out.” I
head for the car. “You’d better get me home though.”
It’s possible that Brandon doesn’t buy my story completely,
but either way, he gets into his car. I lie back in the seat and
close my eyes to sell the sick routine.
We spend the drive back to my house in relative silence. As I
play sick, my head spins with thoughts. Can Lawrence really fight
this? Can I help? Can the two of us actually change the past? I’m
itching to get to the beach and discuss the idea with him.
In the driveway, Brandon jams his car into park. I’m already
out of my seat belt and opening the door. It takes everything in
me not to run straight for the beach. I bend down to the open
car window.
“Thanks for dinner,” I say to Brandon.
He gives a strained smile, as if he’s pissed that the night got
cut short, but he knows he can’t actually be mad at me for
being sick. “Talk to you later?”
“Sure,” I say, already turning toward my house. “Bye!”
As I head in, I feel a twinge of guilt for lying and possibly hurting his feelings. But the fact is there are bigger things at stake.
Mom’s sitting with Frank on the couch. They’re both reading.
When I come in, Mom looks up with a big smile.
“Hey, there! Did you have a good time?”
“Um, awesome,” I say with a forced smile. “Really great.”
Frank pats a place on the couch beside them. “Well, come on
in and tell us about it, Cassie Pie.”
“Actually, I was thinking I’d go out for a little run.”
Mom cocks her head. “At this hour?”
“Yeah. I just need to clear my head. I would have gone
earlier, but you seemed so excited for me to go on that date
with Brandon.”
“I don’t feel good about it, Cass. It’s too dark and—”
“I’ll stay on our property,” I say, perhaps too enthusiastically.
“That was what I was thinking anyway. I’ll run on the beach.”
Mom gives Frank a hesitant frown but then sighs in surrender. “Fine. On the property. Nowhere else.”
“Absolutely.”
To keep from being a complete liar, I run all the way to
the beach. I probably would have run anyway, but there you
have it. As I burst through the bushes, my heart feels crushed
with the weight of a dozen conflicting emotions. I long to
see Lawrence again, but I’m afraid of how he might react to
me now, knowing what he knows. I’m filled with hope at the
thought of fighting his fate, but also with pulsing, radiating
fear. This isn’t a small thing we’re going up against, fighting the