sublime.”
He cups my face in his hands, resting his forehead on mine,
and sighs. There’s a hitch in his voice.
“I don’t want to speak,” he says softly. “I know anything I
say will just be the beginning of good-bye.”
“That’s all there is left to say, Lawrence.” I can’t meet his
eyes or I’ll lose the tenuous grip I have on my emotions. “We
know we have to say it. Why prolong the inevitable?”
“No,” he says resolutely. “No, there’s so much more I have
to say to you before good-bye.”
He pulls what looks like a large envelope from his inside
jacket pocket. The pale gold paper is tied with a brown string.
I can see the shadow of words pressed through from the other
side. Lawrence puts the envelope in my palm and closes my
fingers over it with both of his hands.
“For you,” he says. “My very soul is on these pages. You can
have something to remember me by.”
Not going to cry. Two rogue tears escape and splash on the
envelope.
“And there’s something else,” he says softly. He reaches into
his pocket. When he opens his hand, a glint of light flickers
off the object in his palm. I draw a sharp breath.
It’s a sapphire ring. Blue and bright as the moon.
Wide-eyed, I look up at him. His expression is sweet and sad.
“It was my mother’s. Father gave it to her when he went to
Vienna for a summer, as a promise that he wouldn’t forget
her. She passed it on to me to give to the love of my life. I
was planning to give this to you once we…once we were truly
together. But last night I realized that no matter what, you are
the love of my life. I want you to have it. And I make the same
promise my father did to my mother. Whenever you look at
this ring, you can know that I will be thinking of you.”
I try to keep the swell of tears from spilling over, but it’s
no use. Setting my hand over his, I feel the ring between our
palms. It cuts into me deeper than any blade ever could.
“I can’t take it. It will break my heart.”
“Please,” he says, stroking my cheek. “It will break my heart
to keep it. It belongs to you, Cassandra.”
He lifts my hand and slides the ring onto my finger. It hangs
loose, a few sizes too big. He twists his lips to the side and
places it on my pointer finger. “I guess now you know where
I get my fat fingers from.”
We both laugh. I wipe a few more tears and kiss his hands
fiercely. “I love your fat fingers.”
He smiles and then holds my hand out to examine it. “This
ring belongs here. It’s perfect. Nearly as beautiful as you are.”
“I wish I’d brought something for you,” I say softly.
Lawrence strokes the skin on the back of my hand. “You don’t
have to. You’ve given me the greatest gift anyone ever could.”
“I want to give you more than just my love.”
“Cassandra, you gave me my life. And I don’t only mean by
saving me from Ned. It’s more. So much more.” He touches
the envelope in my hand. “You’ve given me a voice.”
I stare at the words on the page.
“Don’t you see?” Lawrence says. “Loving you has given me
the courage to do what I should have done long ago.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not going to law school. I’m going to write. I’m going
to go home tomorrow and say good-bye to my father. Then it’s
on to New York or Paris or anywhere my writing takes me.”
His beautiful eyes shine, even in the fading light. His happiness fills me with a bursting, soaring joy.
“I’m so happy for you. You’ll be an amazing writer, Lawrence.
I know it.”
“I may be a lousy writer. But I’ll be a writer. And I have you
to thank for it.”
Meeting Lawrence may not have been some grand plan
devised by fate, but it doesn’t matter. Knowing him, loving him,
that is enough. Even if I can’t be with Lawrence forever, he’s still