I’d never been a massive hugger—only hugging those I truly cared for. My dad earned his fair share, and my mother was smothered in them toward the end.
But apart from that, I kept my physical contact to a minimum—even when I’d had no choice with what happened after my mum’s death, I didn’t seek out any more than I had to.
But Estelle?
Living with her. Sleeping by her. Watching her. Being the best goddamn friend I could be to her.
It was killing me.
Every damn day, I died a little more. I craved a little harder. I dreamed a little deeper.
I’m pathetic.
I’d given my heart to this woman, against my wishes and common sense, and slid further down the slippery slope into love-lust. And she didn’t love-lust me back. Not the way I needed her to.
Hey, that was life. We crashed landed. Why did I ever think I would find a silver lining?
When I didn’t respond, she returned to massaging her lower back.
“Want me to get that for you?” I smirked, hiding everything I would never say.
She smiled softly. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
She didn’t even want a platonic massage from a friend.
Why do I even bother?
I moved away. “Conner.” My bark came out firmer than I’d intended. “Give me that damn animal and give Pippi a break. Let’s make dinner.”
Dinner.
Thank hell for something other than clams.
Pippa charged to my side and curled her arm around my hips. “Don’t let him touch me with that.”
Having her little body snug against mine hurt my blackened heart. Ducking to her level, I crushed her to me. I didn’t care if I came across as a psycho. I just wanted a hug.
She froze, not used to such embraces from me. Tentatively, she squeezed me back. Her lips smashed on my bearded cheek. “Love you, G.”
I ruffled her hair. “Love you, too.”
Estelle watched the entire thing.
Let her watch.
Standing, I didn’t give on that it hurt just as much when Pippa left as it had when she’d hugged me. I was in a weird headspace and needed some time to sort my mess out.
Grabbing the octopus from Conner, I hobbled to the fire and unsheathed the Swiss Army knife.
Estelle followed me. “How on earth did you catch that thing?”
“Teamwork.”
“Is it safe to eat?”
“Safe as any squid you’ve ever had.” I struggled to sit down. I couldn’t wait until I could bend and not have to put my leg straight out in front of me with the damn splint.
“We’re going to eat that?” Pippa’s eyes widened. “But it has tento—tenta—tenttoplicles.”
“They’re called tentacles and yes. It’s delicious.” I laughed as she scrunched up her face.
Conner poked the dead animal on my lap. “It’s going straight in my stomach. Don’t care what it tastes like. I’m starving.”
I grinned. “Proud of you, Co. We’ll have a feast tonight thanks to your hunting skills.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but I shushed him. The logistics didn’t matter. He’d worked hard, and this was his triumph, not mine.
Infectious anticipation spread through the camp, turning everyday drudgery into excitement. Everyone crowded around me as I used the knife to cut off the head. Next, I cut the eight tentacles into sections and handed them over to the children to take to the sea to wash.
It needed to be tenderised, but I couldn’t be assed. And I was sure there were many ways to cook such a delicacy, but all I could come up with was kebabs.
Once cleaned, I skewed the rubbery meat onto four sticks and passed them to my stranded family. “Dinner.”
Estelle smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank Conner.”
She redirected her smile. “Thanks, Co.”
He glanced at me before grinning. “No sweat.”
Instead of taking a place by the fire, Estelle’s eyes clouded, looking behind her at the undergrowth.
What’s her problem?
“You know what?” She passed her octopus stick to Pippa. “You cook for me. I’ll be back in a moment.”
“What? Why?” I stood awkwardly, brushing sand from my ass. “Where are you going?”
“Umm, nothing. Just...give me a sec.” She padded up the beach and into the trees.
I stared after her. Either she had to use the facilities or there was something she wasn’t telling me.
Who was I kidding? There was a lot she wasn’t telling me.
I tried to put it out of my mind while the kids shoved their kebabs into the fire and I taught them the best way to chargrill an octopus, but I couldn’t.
I hated that she hadn’t opened up to me. I hated that I still knew nothing about her.
That’s because the price of her past comes with demanding yours.
And I wasn’t ready to spill that can of dirty worms.
Finally (not that much time had passed) Estelle returned, slightly sheepish, slightly afraid, but mostly defiant.
I frowned. “What do you have behind your back?”
She came forward, still keeping it hidden. “Now...before you spaz out, listen to me.”
My spine stiffened as every muscle seized. “Spaz out? Why the hell would I ‘spaz out?’ I don’t spaz out.”
She pinned me with a ‘yeah right’ look. “Because you’re protective and won’t like what I’m about to say.”